Mighty Peking Man: Okay, the THE KILLER!
Numskull : THE KILLER is one of those movies that makes you REALLY want to go out and kill people.
Mighty Peking Man: I agree. Well...it makes me wanna go out and meet some blind babe.
Numskull: MEET her or MEAT her?
Mighty Peking Man: First, meet her, then give her some meat. USDA choice baby!
Numskull: "Hmmm...I'd rather take a human life. Taking advantage of the disabled is just...wrong." The Killer is, I think, most peoples' favorite John Woo film. Either The Killer or A Better Tomorrow.
Mighty Peking Man: Taking advantage of the crippled is just wrong? No way. She isn't crippled. She just can't see. :) As long as she can perform...that's all that counts. She ain't perfect, she'd be perfect if she was blind AND couldn't speak. That's my ideal woman. Damn I'm cruel.
Numskull: What about being deaf, too? Then she couldn't hear you if you yelled out somebody else's name while you were performing the horizontal polka with her.
Mighty Peking Man: lol. Well, enough about blind babes. I think the opening church sequence is fucking brilliant. That slow-mo is so cool.
Numskull: Slow-mo is either "so cool" or "so shitty" ... the "let's remove 8 out of every 9 frames" style is shitty.
Mighty Peking Man: True. Kinda like that shit Sammo pulled off in THUNDERBOLT, don't know if you've ever seen it, but there is enough slow-mo shots in there to make you fucking gag.
Numskull: Yeah, I think that's Sammo's biggest fault. BTW, which version of The Killer do you have?
Mighty Peking Man: I have the $300 criterion DVD! It's probably the ONLY thing GOOD that came out of my 3-year relationship with my ex. She got it for my birthday.
Numskull: Fuckin' hell. Does that have John Woo's audio commentary track? For $300 it should come encased in a gold brick.
Mighty Peking Man: Yeah, it has a commentary track with both John Woo and Terence Chang. No gold brick - but to me, priceless. I was thinking about selling it on ebay but screw that. It's got a lifetime place in my DVD collection.
Numskull: The Fox Lorber one I've got just has John Woo, no Terence Chang. I guess they're different, then.
Mighty Peking Man: Yeah, I heard they were. You know, I take that back. If someone were to offer me $500 right now, I'd sell it. Tell me Numskull, does your have the deleted scenes?
Numskull: Nope. I know the movie originally ran 135 minutes, the final cut is 110. But that's OK with me because John Woo himself made the cuts, not some dipshit studio executive.
Mighty Peking Man: Yeah, and not Van Damme! Is this your favorite John Woo film? I sure hope HARD-BOILED isn't. That film was wack.
Numskull: Hard Boiled is my favorite for HK, Face/Off is my favorite for the U.S. Waddaya mean, "wack"?
Mighty Peking Man: Wack. As in "sucks chunks". It's John Woo's crappiest film with CYF. It reminds me of a straight-to-video action film directed by Mark Lester.
Numskull: I am so paralyzed with rage, I can barely type, much less formulate an articulate response.
Mighty Peking Man: Well. Hard-Boiled does suck chunks. It's mindless action to the max. But, we'll talk about that someother time. Let's talk more about THE KILLER. Okay, what's the best scene in the movie?
Numskull: The one where lots of people get shot.
Mighty Peking Man: I like that one too!
Numskull: Oh hey, wait a minute, I just described half the movie. Hmmm...I gotta say the shootout in church is the best action scene, and the part right before it where CYF has to pop his buddy is the best non-action scene.
Mighty Peking Man: Yeah, when that statue shatters....seriously intense.
Numskull: And intensely serious, as well.
Mighty Peking Man: Hard-Boiled. Don't make me puke. That movie is about a 6/10 to me.
Numskull: You gave A Better Tomorrow a rating of 5/10, if memory serves. That one gets my vote for worst CYF movie directed by John Woo.
Numskull: Shit, I mean ABT2.
Mighty Peking Man: Okay. You know, I think I enjoyed ABTII more than Hard-Boiled. I guess that makes Hard-Boiled a 4/10. But yeah, ABTII was seriously low-budget. Any film that brings back someone that died before is low-budget. (that damn Alien movie as well). I don't care if it's his twin brother.
Numskull: OK. I forgot to mention the scene where Danny Lee and CYF meet in Sally Yeh's apartment, and she doesn't know they're an eyelash away from blowing each other's brains out. What sucks about my version is they give their names as Mickey Mouse and Dumbo instead of Butthead and Numbnuts.
Mighty Peking Man: What the fuck difference does it make what their jolly nick-names are? I can't see how that would effect the movie dude.
Numskull: I don't like having the names of Disney characters contaminating my screen. Someday I'm gonna bomb their stupid fucking theme parks.
Mighty Peking Man: Hey hey! That's just mean Tim!
Numskull: Who's Tim?
Mighty Peking Man: A few days ago he fried. Or...whatever. Lethal injection.
Numskull: Oh, now I get it. Yeah, I figured it out while you were typing. Very clever.
Mighty Peking Man: All I wanna know is: When the hell is Woo and Fat gonna work together again?
Numskull: I wanna know that, too. THE REPLACEMENT KILLERS doesn't count for two reasons: 1) because Woo produced it instead of directing it, and 2) because it sucks so hard it could clean your carpet faster than the world's most powerful vacuum cleaner.
Mighty Peking Man: Exactly. That's what happens when you get someone that directed "Coolio" in a damn music video. CYF would be better off stickin' around in HK making more films with Wong Jing. I'd love to see CYF and Lau Ching Wan together in a solid Johnnie To film.
Numskull: So would I, if the alternative is reviving the Charlie Chan series (no shit, it has been mentioned). So anyway...did Woo mention SPY VS. SPY on the Criterion commentary track?
Mighty Peking Man: Yes he did he mention that!
Numskull: On mine, too. He said one of the biggest inspirations for his work are those comic strips in Mad magazine, and as soon as he said that, I couldn't believe I didn't make the connection sooner. Because as you know he's always got two male leads trying to second-guess each other and read each other's mind. And people equate this with suppressed homosexuality...
Mighty Peking Man: You know, I'm awaire of SPY vs SPY, but I've never read them. But I understand the connection. I didn't know they had MAD MAGAZINE in HK.
Numskull: I take that back...not ALWAYS, but often. I didn't know they had MAD in HK either but I guess we shouldn't be surprised.
Mighty Peking Man: So what's next for Woo? Windtalkers right? I'm looking forward to it. But, I think he needs to go back to his roots by filming some hardcore gangster shit with CYF.
Numskull: Yeah, Windtalkers. From what I know about it it sounds kind of like a "prestige" release for the studio. I suppose you know there was some talk about doing an American remake of The Killer, but Woo decided against it. Good thing he did. There's no point repeating something that you got right the first time.
Mighty Peking Man: True. I heard it. What's worse was it was going to star Richard Gere and....damn, can't think of his name. The "remember the titans" guy. What they should do is redub the The Killer. Using all the entire casts original voices (all the main cast at least) and re-do the sound effects. The music....is mostly okay.
Mighty Peking Man: I was just reading my ABTII review. That's gotta be the worst review I've ever written.
Numskull: The Remember the Titans guy...ummm...Danny Glover? (I didn't see it)
Mighty Peking Man: No, that other guy. Denzel Washington. He'd probably be good. But I don't know about Gere. I liked him until I heard about that Hamster shit.
Numskull: I dunno about redubbing the movie. Even if people didn't have to read subtitle they probably still wouldn't like it.
Mighty Peking Man: Well, it's better than redubbing in english. I can't believe that they actually released video versions of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon english dubbed versions. That just messes up the whole movie. If you have kids that can't read, they're too young to be watching it to beging with.
Numskull: I don't think the dubbing was for kids too young to read, I think it was for adults too lazy and stupid to read.
Mighty Peking Man: Well, that too. Subtitles actually make a movie more interesting. I've got into the habit of turning on subtitles to movies that are already in english. You'd be surprised that so many things are heard wrong.
Mighty Peking Man: One thing I hate about THE KILLER.... When that blind chick's eyes get screwed up on the opening sequence, there is a big edit goof that bugs me. You know, the whole blood in the eyes thing.
Numskull: I just had a horrible thought..in a redubbed version of THE KILLER they would probably add some Limp Bizkit or shit like that.
Mighty Peking Man: No, no no. Get it right man. Warran G damnit!
Numskull: Imagine Sally Yeh singing a Britney Spears song....over and over and over and over...
Mighty Peking Man: This RAP thing in HK and HK-related movies is just wrong. It's gotten out of hand - especially with Romeo Must Die. That movie was just as bad as Replacement Killers.
Mighty Peking Man: So what 3-word man is cooler? Lau Ching Wan or Chow Yun Fat?
Numskull: RAP is CRAP without the C. Anyway...did you happen to see ENEMY AT THE GATES? (this is NOT off-topic)
Mighty Peking Man: No? Any good?
Numskull: Good but not great. I mention it because the scenes where the two snipers are trying to outmaneuver each other reminded me of John Woo's ever-present two-rivals-who-think-alike.
Mighty Peking Man: Really? I must check that out. Have you seen or heard of ANGEL HEART with Mickey Rourke? It's way cool man, you should check it out.
Numskull: Hmmm...maybe. By the way CYF gets my vote for the cooler 3-word man.
Mighty Peking Man: That's one-less thing we have in common. Lau Ching Wan all the way. See more of his films first man. I bet you'll change your mind.
Numskull: I bet I won't. But anyway...thinking of a North American theatrical run for THE KILLER, I think it would turn a lot of people off of HK cinema because, with CTHD and then THE KILLER, they'd probably start to think that HK movies never have happy endings. And Americans are such pathetic suckers for happy endings...
Mighty Peking Man: Movies with unhappy Endings are the best! The Deer Hunter, A Hero Never Dies, Angel Heart (go see this one! I dare you! The DVD is on sale at K-Mart for $7 right now), A Bullet In The Head....
Numskull: Happy endings suck ass. THE KILLER's ending really sticks it in and breaks it off. That's one of the cool things about it. Other "good bad" movie endings....SEVEN, SWIMMING WITH SHARKS, FALLING DOWN, and the original for ARMY OF DARKNESS.
Mighty Peking Man: Wait, Chow Yun Fat doesn't die in THE KILLER. They show him playing his harmonica! (joking of course)
Numskull: Chow Yun-Fat dies a lot.
Mighty Peking Man: yes he does. Let's see....ABT, Peace Hotel, The Corruptor...what else?
Numskull: You just ruined Peach Hotel for me. Filthy bastard. Peace, not Peach...see how tired I am?
Mighty Peking Man: lol! Okay, let's see what else I can ruin for you.....hmmm
Numskull: CYF dies a lot but his death in THE KILLER is one of the most memorable.
Mighty Peking Man: Yeah, I think so. I like his death in...FUCK, I can't think of that movie. Oh yeah, 1942 (I think) or was it 1949?
Numskull: I think it's 1942...I haven't seen it but it rings a bell.
Mighty Peking Man: Lau Ching Wan dies a lot too. Well, I've come to conclusion that every leading man in Hong Kong cinema dies in the majority of their films.
Numskull: Who DOESN'T die a lot in HK gangster films?
Mighty Peking Man: Well, 1942 wasn't a gangster flick. Peace Hotel wasn't a gangster flick. Expect the Unexpected wasn't a gangster flick.
Numskull: OK, replace the word "gangster" with the word "gun". Some people have a definition of "gangster movie" that's too broad.
Mighty Peking Man: Okay, that makes sense. What do you think of Danny Lee? I'm about to watch a film with him called ORGANIZED CRIME AND TRIAD BUREAU....heard of it? It's a Kirk Wong film - Made after CRIME STORY
Numskull: Woo's KILLER commentary says gun laws in HK are very strict...the cops there must love him. Danny Lee is good. Heard of that movie but haven't seen it yet. Danny Lee has played a cop so much, and generally presented the job in a positive light, that HK police consider him a friend.
Mighty Peking Man: I've heard that in mine too! Maybe it's the same commentary and they just got rid of Terence's voice. What's the use of having two commentary tracks when he says the same shit.
Numskull: Yeah, maybe
Mighty Peking Man: The HK police probably consider him a cop at this point.
Numskull: the Fox Lorber HARD BOILED has both Woo and Chang
Mighty Peking Man: I can't believe you haven't seen Peace Hotel. Same guy that directed TOO MANY WAYS TO BE NUMBER ONE....although, I would of never guessed.
Numskull: What's the worst DVD commentary track you've ever heard?
Mighty Peking Man: ENTER THE DRAGON! Those guys who did the commentary sucked hard. They were almost as bad as us. No seriously, here is an example of what they said... "Yep, there's Bruce Lee kicking that guy. There he goes walking next to that tree. There's John Saxon walking with Jim Kelly...."
Mighty Peking Man: no.
Numskull: LOL...I've got to hear that. The worst one I've heard so far is THE MATRIX. The special effects guy just about put me to sleep. "Umm. Umm. Umm. Umm."
Mighty Peking Man: lol! I don't like THE MATRIX. Saw it once thought it was cool. Saw it again, hated it. But yeah, ENTER THE DRAGON has the worst commentary. I shouldn't really comment because I gave up after 15 minutes. The best commentary goes to either Kurt Russel and John Carpenter in BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA or P.T. Anderson in BOOGIE NIGHTS.
Numskull: Hey weren't we talking about some movie called THE KILLER?
Mighty Peking Man: Oh yeah...The Killer. Hmmmm great fucking movie. I cuss a lot.
Numskull: Me too. Fuck!
Mighty Peking Man: Cuss words just let 'em roll, muther fucking bitch, goddamn, asshole...
Numskull: The first three minutes of THE UNTOLD STORY has more swears (in subtitles) than I've ever seen in a HK movie
Mighty Peking Man: Okay, what do you hate mostly our of THE KILLER?
Numskull: The romance. By God I hate romance.
Mighty Peking Man: Really? I like romance, as long as it's not too much. The Killer wasn't bad. Now I know why you liked Hard-Boiled. It's probably the only John Woo film that didn't have a tad of romance.
Numskull: There's a little bit, but nobody makes a big deal of it. So what do YOU hate most about The Killer?
Mighty Peking Man: I hated first Danny Lee shootout. I'm aware that it's the introduction to his character, but....that scene just bites. I fast-forward through that part everytime I rewatch the movie.
Numskull: I guess it's a little pointless but I certainly don't HATE it
Mighty Peking Man: It's not pointless. It sets the platform for what kind of cop he is. But it could of been more effective. And I still can't get over all that blood in Sally's eyes.
Numskull: Yeah, it's not pointless, really. I need sleep. That's why I'm saying incredibly stupid things. George W. Bush is a fine president. There, see? I did it again.
Mighty Peking Man: Oh, damn. He's our president? Okay, that remark calls for a wrap. Let's wrap this up. What's our closing comments for THE KILLER? Mine: John Woo's finest moment.
Numskull: The John Woo movie to show your friends to either turn them into HK fanatics or make them never want to be near you again, depending on whether your friends are stupid or REALLY stupid.
Mighty Peking Man: I agree.
Numskull: Oh good, now I don't have to kill you.
Mighty Peking Man: Okay, you need to sleep. I need to update this damn page before HKflix.com drops me as an affiliate.
Numskull: I clicked on their banner twice before you went online. I guess I'll do it again before I finally get off the damn computer.
Mighty Peking Man: Did you have to say that? I guess I can edit it out.
Numskull: It's been TWO hours.
Mighty Peking Man: Two hours. Holy shit.
Numskull: Yes. Holy shit.
Mighty Peking Man: alright man. Go to bed. Alexander...you're my next victim.
Numskull: I think I'll just let my head hit the keyboard.... ndosihta084bes0dgsed