ANM: Merry X-mas to you too. Romeo Must Die,What was your reaction?
Yi-Long: I liked it,It was entertaining. You hated apparently, Why?
ANM: They matrixed Jet Li! How lame is that?
Yi-Long: Yeah but that's the way hollywood wanted to see Kung Fu.
ANM: (This will be an exciting commentary,Both Yi and I have very different opinions on RMD) True but I have seen better Bruce Li flicks.
Yi-Long: No way man. Bruce Li can be better.......Screw that idea.....
ANM: Now listen! Bruce Li:The Invincible may have been panned by mainstream critics (who are dumbasses) but BL:TI kicks serious ass!
Yi-Long: It was Jet Li's first movie. U.S movie and everyone coming out of the theater who didn't know him from before,were entertained and satisfied. They liked and admired Jet Li's performance.
ANM: Lethal Weapon 4 was Jet Li's first movie......Not RMD....Now what do you have to say for yourself?
Yi-Long: You know what I mean.His first STARRING role.
ANM: Yeah I know,I'm just giving you shit.
Yi-Long: Was Bruce Li:The Invincible the one with the drawn bone cracks?
ANM: No,It was the Kung Fu fighting apes!
Yi-Long: So Robin Williams did a Bruce Li flick?
ANM: lol. Okay Flubber doesn't count.
Yi-Long: Mabie Jackie Chan has will make flubber 2........
ANM: Nope,He's doing The Bellboy movie.
Yi-Long: I don't give a shit about Jackie Chan movies anymore.............Their all kiddie flicks.
ANM: I agree,I wanna see him make a REAL movie.In anycase I think it should be said that The One is worse then RMD but both are crap
Yi-Long: Haven't seen it isn't because it's not out over here.Noot planning to see it either......
ANM: Don't even rent it........It's garbage.
ANM: Too bad about Aaliyah huh?
Yi-Long: Yes it's always sad when a young talented person dies.
ANM: It reminds me of Brandon Lee's demise.
Yi-Long: In what way?Died while on the verge of stardom.........
ANM: Yeah sort of...........Brandon Lee made a real crummy flick with Showdown In Little Tokyo amd went on to make The Crow.(A huge leap for bad to good)Aaliyah's last movie will be Queen Of The Dammed......Which like The Crow will become a hit only because it was her last movie.
Yi-Long: Footnote: ANM has his MSN name right now is "ANM=Getting a colonic" Lovely mental picture.
ANM: You can almost hear me groaning.......like Arnold Schwarzenegger............ARRRGGGHH!!
Yi-Long: Okay........Anyway back to Aaliyah before I lose my lunch......She and Brandon Lee were on a thresshold of sucsess and they didn't make it because of an accident.
ANM: I don't know if accident and Brandon Lee go in the same sentence..........I mean there is tons of stuff with Brandon Lee that just doesn't meet the eye.
Yi-Long: What stuff.
ANM: How hard is it to cover up the facts? Pay doctors and dectectives and you have a cover up. I mean the story is about as coherent as a earthquake destroying the moon.
Yi-Long: Well I don't think anybody killed Brandon Lee......It was just a tragedy.
ANM: Do you think Brandon Lee would be famous today.........Or do you think he would be where his counterpart from Showdown In Little Tokyo.......Straight to video junk.
Yi-Long: Tough to say because it's hard to guess what could have been.........But I would say no because of the new martial artists.
ANM: Yeah good point........There was a time when we would thrill to Van Damme or Dolph's new movies but when Jackie Chan and Jet Li moved in they replaced them.......Kinda like how they replaced Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson.
Yi-Long: Well Brandon Lee probally would've ended up like Marky Mark......=Small parts usually and big parts once in awhile.
ANM: You mean like a serious actor.......That's what he wanted.
Yi-Long: He had charisma but he's no Jude Law or Johnny Depp.
ANM: The reason why he would be DTV...........Because he was going to do another movie with Dolph.......... "Silent Trigger"
Yi-Long: What is it with you and Dolph?
ANM: I'm swedish and I'm a kickboxer........Dolph is also a swedish kickboxer......Like me.
ANM: Okay back to RMD.Could you see Brandon Lee in this role?
Yi-Long: Just because he was applauded for his performance in The Crow doesn't mean he would have had a sucsessful career......So probally not it would be too high budget for him.
ANM: You think Jet Li is a better actor then Brandon Lee?
Yi-Long: Yeah of course...........B.L wasn't a great actor. Jet is good.
ANM: Who is your fave actor?
Yi-Long: Johnny Depp or Jude Law......
ANM: Ever see Nick Of Time? Now there's a bad flick!
Yi-Long: It wasn't an action movie it was how to solve a problem without killing people.
ANM: In the immortal words of Homer Simpson "B-O-R-I-N-G"
Yi-Long: It wasn't an action movie it was a drama of what to do in a situation.
Yi-Long: lol. Okay what did you hate about RMD? Besides the Matrixed fights.
ANM: Well we have underwritten chariacters......We have Russell Wong who tries to look cool but looks like an extra from "Saved By The Bell"........And of course we have DMX who has the acting ability of a brick.........and leaden dialog like "Get outta here if yo ass ain't black!" And the actionscenes...Not to mention those annoying X-ray shots. Li barely does anything believable on screen so that's What hampers.........It relies to heavily on Jet........And he can't bail it out.
Yi-Long: Why do you have such a bitterness to the actionscenes.....I found them fun.
ANM: Do you seriously believe that Jet Li can Kick 6 guys 4 times in the head and land in a perfect stance...............I mean he was superman........And unlike Neo from The Matrix he has no reason..........Also Jet Li is a perfect martial artist..........Not as good as Bruce Lee or Sonny Chiba but really good..........And I wanna see him kick ass the old fashioned way......
Yi-Long: Yeah but that's how hollywood wanted to see Kung Fu...........
ANM: So Jet Li does a jump kick and he hits a martian on mars...............Would you be entertained??????????(I mean not unintentionally amused but believe it)
Yi-Long: No because that's just fake.
ANM: Yeah I have seen better fights in a Don "The Dragon" Wilson movie.
Yi-Long: Dude all they are is slow-ass kickboxing matches........Jet's at least fast.
ANM: Least Don The Dragon Wilson's fights are believable........The fights mab be slow but they are more fun to watch then RMD's.
Yi-Long: RMD was fun......
ANM: About as fun as sticking needles up my balls.
Yi-Long: Needles up the balls......Gotta try that sometime......
ANM: Yup,Improves sex.
Yi-Long: How the hell would it improve sex?
ANM: Okay RMD isn't that bad but still the fights are crappy.....and fights are what put the asses in the seats (As James H put it) and this doesn't deliver the hand to hand goods. I say it's waste.
ANM: Any closing thoughts........
Yi-Long: RMD was very entertaining..And Jet Li made a good impression on american audiences with both this and Lethal Weapon 4..........7/10
ANM: I think RMD is a disappointing Jet li vehicle that is a failure in all departments.......Bottomline: Movie sucked. 3/10