When our friends at HKFlix let us know they were gonna start offering Korean noodles for sale on their site, we dug back into the vast cityonfire.com interview archives and unearthed this gem of an interview, which has never before been published.

MPM: Hi there Harry Young - tell me about yourself.

Harry Young: Hi. There's not much I say for myself. Love noodles! What else to say!?

MPM: Any kind of noodles?

MPM: Wait a minute, even better than Chinese noodles?

HY: Well, why I like Korean noodle same reason why I like Korean movie. Is better.

MPM: We are obviously talking about "instant noodles" right?

HY: Yeah, man, don't have time to make it myself! And I don't know how they make them so long anyway, I don't have room making food that long in my own apartment!

MPM: Which ones taste good? Pork? Chicken? Shrimp?

HY: I don't like animals in my noodles. Just take up more space where more noodles can go!

MPM: Well, I was actually talking about the flavor packets, not the preserved meat...you do use them don't you?

HY: Oh, I thought you say animals. Flavor packet is okay for me, sometimes I like seafood one. Especially seafood that taste like a shrimp.

MPM: Fair enough. Anything you like to do while you're eating your noodles?

HY: Well, I always want to have sex when I eating noodles. But of course is too messy, plus no girlfriend anyway! Ha ha. So, usually just watch the show "Family Matters" when I eat noodles, because so funny! I have one those episode on tape, and I usually watching that one when I eat. It is the episode where Irkle has a crush on Lora. So funny with his suspender!

MPM: I heard they're coming out with a full Season of "Family Matters" on DVD. You gonna buy it?

HY: I think I like this episode I have now ok. I will just keep this one now.

MPM: Okay, what about Asian films? You ever slurp your noodles while watching one of them?

HY: Of course! Who does not? Silly question!

MPM: Okay, well name some of your favorites.

HY: I like the naked movies! (Is okay to say that word?) Those of category 3! Is bad I know, but they making me excited when I eat! Silly. But no girlfriend, so why not?

MPM: There is a guy named "Gwailo" that writes reviews for cityonfire.com, 99% of his reviews are Cat III, check 'em out sometime. Do you have any god Cat III recommendations? Who are you favorite talents?

HY: I don't like to read so much, like to watch more. :) For my favorite talents? I think my favorite talent is I can burp the alphabet all the way to Z! Is funny, right? My friends say is funny and talented.

MPM: I'm sorry. I actually meant, who are some of your favorite stars working in Asian film? For instance, some people like Leslie Cheung, and some people like Anthony Wong.

HY: Who do you like? Oh, I understand now. Acting, not burping. So, my favorite acting is Shu Qi. I like her acting a lot, most like it when acting without clothes.

MPM: Okay, back to noodle talk. Where's the most interesting place you've eatin' your noodles?

HY: I always eat noodles in my mouth, that is only place I eat them.

MPM: A friend of yours was actually telling me that you're obsessed with instant noodles. There have been times when you and your friends went out for Pizza, and while they were enjoying their pizza, you brought a bowl of instant noodles. Is this true?

HY: Ha, is true! I never pay more than $1 for eating. So when I invited to go out eating with friends, always I bring noodles. Sometimes get kicked out of restaurant. But sometimes can hide it when the waiter coming over. I always have the backpack with chopsticks and noodles in it. If I am hungry! Backpack has lots of noodles, many different ones.

MPM: What do you do for a living?

HY: I never like to stay at one job too long. I like best not have a job. Noodles cost cheap, so I need little money anyways. Butt I have done some job: work at blockbuster, work at best biy, work at janitor. I want to work at Korean market so can get free noodles! But they tell me not good enough in English and not speak Korean is no good for this job.

MPM: How did you find out about cityonfire.com?

HY: Someone tell me about flubtitles.com, and I click to you from there site. What is funny at flubtitles.com? Seem boring to me. I like to read about "tracksuit fetish" at city on fire!

MPM: I understand you were were born in Taiwan. How often do you go back?

HY: Why? I don't know where you hear all these information about me! It is scary you know all these thing! I was born in Taiwan when I was young. But later I move here because it's illegal to import Korean noodle into Taiwan. Only sell Taiwan noodle in Taiwan. So, of course, have to move to Korea or to USA to get Korean noodles, and USA much better here because also can get more other noodles too. I don't go back to Taiwan because better here.

MPM: So you never really get sick of noodles do you?

HY: Does any one?

MPM: Hell, I do! Do you know what they call Ramen noodles in the U.K.?

HY: You are silly if you dislike noodles. What is it called in UK?

MPM: I never said I dislike noodles, I just get sick of them. They're called Pot Noodle. That's their version of Top Ramen. Are you open to trying different brands from different regions?

HY: Because you make in a pot, it is pot noodles? Oh. Do they call spagetty "pot spagetty" too? I try lots of different noodles. Best are Korean noodles and some of Japanese noodles. I always try the other one, but after I find my one I like no reason to have the other one, right!?

MPM: Who knows. You know those UK people, they always gotta be different. What would you like to tell those people out there in internet land that think "instant noodles" are awful?

HY: I don't people think noodles are awful!!! Maybe those people maybe just confused or something. I don't know why. They have to like noodles, noodles are the best. Some food is really awful, like food with cheese, yuck! But everyone knows that. Noodles are good, everyone know that also! Those are silly questions that you ask!

MPM: It's a fact, many people do think they're awful. But it's all opinion. Well, it's been nice talking with you. I look forward to that case of Korean noodles you're sending me, I'll let you know for sure what i think of them. I look forward to talkin with you again about those chocolate sticks...what are they called again?

HY: You are a crazy guy, you! And I never say I will send you a case of noodles! You have to buy at the store like me. Silly guy. We can talk about pocky sticks one other day, if you stop asking this silly questions! Bye!

Okay, you probably guessed it: this interview is fake. But it's very rare and therefore highly collectible. So, finish readin' this up...and then go enjoy some authentic tasty, spicy, better-than-sex, Korean noodles from HKFlix while watching Ghostly-lesbian chicks and Micheal Wong's bad acting on that big screen TV that's not paid off.