Catman in Lethal Track


"Superman had his Doomsday, Ali had his Larry Holmes, Godzilla had his King Kong and ANM had his Godfrey Ho."

- American Ninja Man

Catman in Lethal Track (1990)

AKA: U.S. Catman: Lethal Track

Director: Godfrey Ho (as Alton Cheung)

Producer: Betty Chan, Joseph Lai, Thomas Tang

Cast: Jonathan Isgar (as Jonathan Jame), Johnanna Brownstein , Kenneth Goodman, Danny Lau, Tas Lehoczky, Blue Moroney

Running Time: 90 min.

Plot: See review below.


AMERICAN NINJA MAN'S REVIEW: There comes a time when heroes die, when the bad guy wins, and all that is left is a legacy. Superman had his Doomsday, Ali had his Larry Holmes, Godzilla had his King Kong and ANM had his Godfrey Ho. This Bad Movie crusader had fought rough battles with all kinds of villains such as Uwe Boll, Robert Clouse, Jim Wynorski, Cirio H. Santiago and Lo Wei. All of them put up a fight, but ANM somehow had the balls and strength to prevail. Godfrey Ho had ANM's number and it was all one big trap to bait ANM and destroy him. Godfrey Ho succeeded.

The weapon in question was Catman And The Lethal Track, what led ANM to the movie was the premise involving a radioactive cat that bit a tough guy turning him into a hero with cat like powers. It was also supposed to be this nutty hero against a disturbed preacher who's cult was trying to lead the world. What caught the mighty ANM off guard was that the movie was more about some anonymous bastards duking it out with some terrorist bastards for control over the country, these plot angles never intertwined and the movie was nothing but people walking around doing nothing. ANM tried his best, but he realized that this would be his toughest battle.

After 15 minutes, ANM used his Red Dog powerups but they were useless. He tried Tequila with lime but this did nothing. He went back to his sanctuary after 45 minutes weeping and realizing he had a choice. ANM's girlfriend was studying and he looked at her with tears in his eyes, so many tears that he almost flooded the country. He tried to seek out an enlightened path, but no one had lived to tell about this villain. There was nobody who could teach him a technique to win, he knew it was something he had to do. He started training by watching a couple lame Gary Daniels movies but he knew this was all in vain. He knew there was no tomorrow. He knew that tomorrow was the day he was going to die. ANM's girlfriend begged him not to do it, ANM's mother begged him not to do it, even the videostore guy begged him not to do it, but ANM knew he had to. It was a question of honor.

After 90 minutes, ANM layed broken in his cushion, his girlfriend straddling him and begging for his lifeless body to twitch, to move to do something that would be considered alive. This wasn't the case. ANM gave his very all to defeat Godfrey Ho and although he had succeeded, at what cost. As ANM layed stiff and unmoving.

They remembered. MPM remembered a crazy guy who was invincible to every bad movie out there. Neil Koch remembered a guy who knew the right moves with the very best martial arts flicks he had missed. Alex remembered a pupil who through his mentoring became the best in reviewing bad movies. ANM's girlfriend remembered a lover who she never allowed to pick what movie they watched and a man who was a stallion in the sack. ANM's parents remembered a boy who at a very young age was seen binged out in front of the TV watching kung fu theater. And the world watched and waited in silence while one man risked everything to save them from the worst movie out there.

ANM's sidekicks at Bad Movie Knights as well as Twisted Edge promised vengeance against Godfrey Ho, but right now the world mourned. And as ANM descended into hell, he realized that he would be subjected to Godfrey Ho and hence his spirit could not rest until Godfrey Ho was defeated. ANM may return as a reincarnation as a clone or perhaps as a spirit that posesses Michael Wong but only time will tell how many battles to the death it will take before Godfrey Ho's reign of terror is stopped. Right now, there's nobody capable to take up the challange.