Challenge the Ninja (197?/198?)

Director: Godfrey Ho

Producer: Godfrey Ho, Betty Chan

Cast: Bruce Baron, Pierre Tremblay, Richard Berman, Eric Redner, some uncredited Filipino actors

Running Time: 90 min.

Plot: : A Filipino youth learns kung-fu to avenge his slain family. Meanwhile, in a totally different movie, two caucasian ninjas plot to kill one another.

JOE909'S REVIEW: Regular visitors to CityOnFire.com may remember that several months ago I reviewed a movie called "Ninja Destroyer," which was a memorable flick that combined two unrelated movies. In short, a pair of white guys spliced their own ninja movie into an old, Filipino kung-fu flick. Well, they did it again, as I was excited to discover one day while browsing a used video store.

Challenge the Ninja is more of the same, but, unbelievably, ten times better than "Ninja Destroyer." And by better, of course, I mean "worse." It's just a laugh riot. I wonder if these guys seriously believed people would think this was a legitimate movie? It's just painfully obvious that the US portion has nothing to do with the Filipino movie, as an astute viewer will easily notice that the film stocks of the two movies don't even match. The Filipino print is old and grainy and obviously from the '70s, whereas the ninja flick looks a bit newer, and is unapologetically '80s, right down to the velcro shoes and "ninja" headbands.

Baron, who "starred" in "Ninja Destroyer," returns as a cop who just happens to be a ninja on the side. He's trying to hunt down this fat slob called the Red Devil, who is the main villain in the Filipino movie. Meanwhile, Baron's real opponent is in fact his superintendent, portrayed by Pierre Tremblay. Unknown to Baron, Tremblay is also a ninja, and is the Red Devil's boss. And let me tell you, do these two movies just flow together naturally.

As I wrote in my previous review, Bruce Baron is harmless looking. He's got googly eyes, a bushy moustache, and the scrawny build of a long-distance runner. Tremblay doesn't look much better. But regardless, Baron is the hero of the US piece of the movie, despite his minimal screen presence and lackluster acting ability.

The US half of the movie gets off to a hilarious start. Baron just happens to be walking along the street when he sees, in broad daylight, a fully-costumed ninja mugging a businessman. You know times are tough when even ninjas must resort to old-fashioned muggings. Baron magically dons his own ninja costume (which is a K-Mart camouflage) and finishes the ninja off with a "masterful" stroke of his sword. Now, here comes the greatest line in this movie, and possibly one of the greatest kung-fu lines of all time: before collapsing, the criminal ninja screams at Baron: "You're a damn good ninja!"

Another high point about this movie is the ending. Baron and Tremblay finally go at it, both wearing their ninja suits. "I challenge you," says Baron, giving us the title of this masterpiece. Tremblay nods and says, "Right. To the death." They start to circle each other, and then the screen goes blue, and the tape shuts off. You guessed it, my copy of this movie lacks the ending. I'm half tempted to write the distributors. They have their address printed on the back cover of the video, but since the address is in Puerto Rico, I guess writing them won't really get me anywhere.

I haven't commented much on the Filipino half of the movie, and for good reason. It isn't anything special, just your basic chop-socky featuring actors of minimal martial arts talent. Well, the lead guy isn't half bad. The Red Devil, however, is a sight to see: he dresses like Roy Rogers, except his cowboy suits are red instead of white, and all he basically does is get drunk, mack on women, and run from fights. Yet he's the big boss of the bad guys, the terrible villain of the movie. He sounds more like my uncle Jim.

JOE909'S RATING: 2/10 (for the movie itself, but again, the ninja splicing is just beyond scoring)