Help! (2000)

Director: Johnnie To Kei-Fung, Wai Ka-Fai

Producer: Johnnie To Kei-Fung, Wai Ka-Fai

Cast: Jordan Chan Siu-Chun, Cecilia Cheung Pak-Chi, Dior Cheng Yee-Kin (Ekin Cheng), Lam Suet, Hui Shiu-hung.

Running Time: 89 min.

Plot: This film is a dark comedy that deals with the bureaucracy that doctors must deal with to perform the simplest tasks in order to help their patients.

ALEXANDER'S REVIEW: So, this is what happens when one of Hong Kong's most exciting directors gets his hands on a slap-stick comedy of the Police Academy variety. Johnny To, director of highly regarded "serious" films like "A Hero Never Dies", "The Mission" and "Fulltime Killer", tackles a hospital farce starring Hong Kong pop idols Ekin Cheng and Cecilia Cheung. The result is a very well-directed, obviously big-budgeted, absolutely ridiculous "comedy" that tries WAY too hard to be funny and only left me far more bored than entertained.

How To went from helming the modern classic "FTK" and the endearing "Needing You" to this crap is beyond me but I'm guessing it must have involved a very large paycheck and some, er, "favors" from a very appealing Cecilia Cheung. All the To trademarks are here: a lavish budget, deft direction, an ensemble cast (including To regular Suet Lam) and an over-the-top story. But despite the familiar names (Raymond Wong, among others), pretty faces (but, Ekin, dude, CUT your hair), glossy production values and a can't-miss "hot" topic (hospital bureaucracy), "Help!!!"--at the end of the day--is still simply a very polished "Young Doctors in Love" sans the sexual innuendo and, sadly, humor.

A sampling of "comedy" from "Help!!!":

Jordan Chan, attempting to save victims of a landslide during a torrential downpour, asks a victim in his mangled car what his name and status are. The man nonchalantly replies with a long list of ailments including a broken nose, head wound, broken foot, a mild cough, constipation, etc. Chan's diagnosis is "critical" to which the man replies, "But why? I've answered all of your questions." Chan says, "Take a look at yourself." The camera pans down to reveal a big-ass bamboo pole sticking out of the man's chest. HA HA HA...heh. Anyway. there are other mildly humorous bits. For instance, a lightning-fried curmudgeon named Sir Ho; a recurring gag involving an inventive and dedicated homeless guy intent on winning Cecilia's affections; an auto shop set up like an emergeny room; and so on. There's also a faux "disclaimer" at the end that lamely explains that "none of the patients in this film actually died". Har har.

I actually laughed out loud as many times as I fell asleep during this movie.

Twice.

ALEXANDER'S RATING: 5.5/10