cityonfire.com | Killer Meteors

	Killer Meteors "I want my money back." - Marcia Franklin Killer Meteors (1977) AKA: Jackie Chan versus Jimmy Wang Yu Director: Lo Wei Producer: Hsu Li Hwa Writer: Ku Lung Cast: Jackie Chan (Sing Lung), Jimmy Wang Yu, Yu Lin Lung, Kao Fei Running Time: 91 min. Plot: Jimmy Wang Yu is one of only two men proficient with a unique and secret weapon, earning him the name of Killer Meteor. The Killer Meteor is on a secret mission to solve the theft of palace treasures. In the process of his investigation, he is hired by a nobleman, the Immortal Wa. Wa accuses his wife of poisoning him and sends the Killer Meteor to kill her and retrieve the antidote to the poison. One small problem - she is guarded by four of the world's greatest fighters and a small army Reviews AMIR'S REVIEW: Pure crap thanks to the no good fight scenes and the excruciatingly boring plot line. Interesting only to see how far Jimmy Wang Yu's career fell in the late 1970s. AMIR'S RATING: 0/10 MARCIA FRANKLIN'S REVIEW: I want my money back. MARCIA FRANKLIN'S RATING: 1/10 SHAZBOT!'S REVIEW: This film is not as awful as people make it out to be. It is just BORING! The role is a departure in a way for JC, and not because he is villain. Gone is the shaggy hair scruffy punk persona of the Lo Wei period, playing an (ir)responsible adult and leader. A low key dramatic strong supporting role for JC. Jimmy Wang Yu and JC have a remarkable resemblance; so much so I kept confusing the two (Wang Yu is older and doesn't have his eyelids cut). Despite JC's fighting prowess, there is a lot of wire use. The final action scene is unique as it takes place balancing on top of numerous stakes surrounded by swords. To fall would mean sudden death! Unique but not exciting. Bottom line, if I wasn't reading a book and ignoring the middle part of the movie, I would've nodded off. But it's not awful like Fantasy Mission Force awful, where you're screaming "What the FK!" in every new scene. SHAZBOT!'S RATING: 2/10 RINTOR'S REVIEW: I think a better title for this movie would be "Killer Flatulence" or maybe "Killer Fecal". This movie stunk bad. I give it my Black Hole Award, because it just sucks. This movie made me want to buy an assault rifle, hunt down Jimmy Wang Yu, and kill his meteor. What really sucked was Jackie played the bad guy. Through the entire movie I hoped that maybe just maybe the Killer Fecal weapon would be really cool, but NOOO! It was just some damn stick that shot fireworks. My god, the sparkler being waved around on Spiritual Kung Fu was more high tech. I'll join Numskull in that Harlem parade just so I don't ever have to see this movie again. Hmm, on second thought I'll help Numskull kill Jimmy Wang Yu. RINTOR'S RATING: 1/10 TYLER'S REVIEW: What the heck is this movie about, one thing to say to Lo Wei "TOOOOO MANNNYYY PLOT TWISTS!" Jackie's character is a complete lazy weeny, and Jackie has no preferences playing a bad guy, he simply does not fit the bill. One thing I've learned from this film though is Jimmy Wang Yu really is not that bad, now I might get a wave of remarks from Numskull about this, but it's my opinion. Despite Jimmy and Jackie this film is an heretic devil spawn on the reputation of Jackie's career. First of all Jackie plays a bad guy, second Jackie plays a bad guy, and third Jackie actually plays a bad guy! Jimmy's character is supposed to be invincible or something which really stinks, Jackie doesn't even get to beatup Jimmy in this film, instead fireworks (I mean a meteor) lands on Jackie. I mean please, could they not afford to make a cheesy foam meteor to land on Jackie, I mean the fireworks were great and all, but I have some left overs from fourth of July if I what to see some. Another thing - where's Jackie's Meteor anyway, couldn't he use his? The more I think about his movie the more I despise it. Before I state the highlights of the film I have one thing to say if you like Jackie's movies: Do not watch this one, because after you have, you will be able to smell Lo Wei, and the glee of power he had holding dear ol'e Jackie to an evil film contract. Now the Highlights: One ugly invincible guy (Jimmy Wang Yu) One weird looking weapon (first killer meteor) Jackie as a bad guy People melting Ninja melting A chick that likes ugly men slaves Four other ugly invincible bodyguards Fireworks that pretend to be meteors Something about the Wu Tang Clan TYLER'S RATING: 2/10 NUMSKULL'S REVIEW: Easily one of the five worst movies that JC has appeared in, and what a surprise that the Anti-Christ himself, Jimmy Wang Fuck Yu, is involved. Granted, he wasn't yet the benevolent, sanctuary-granting angel that he was when ISLAND OF FIRE was made, but still, the mere sight of this man on-screen is enough to send waves of negative psychic energy from the TV screen and into your living room. It won't do anything as bland and trite as levitate your bed or bang your pots and pans...oh no, it will give your pets rabies, drive pre-adolescent children mad with horrific hallucinations, and generally fuck your shit up. You have been warned. Anyway, here are... TEN THINGS I WOULD ALMOST RATHER DO THAN WATCH "KILLER METEORS" 1. Parade through Harlem with a Nazi flag 2. Watch a porno movie with Roseann performing sordid sexual acts upon a helpless killer whale 3. Trade places with the guy who gets trapped in the room with the poison gas in the beginning of "THE ROCK" 4. Be buried chin-deep in bloody stool and then go for a swim in shark-infested waters 5. Implant my consciousness into the body of a hamster being presented to Richard Gere 6. Hire a blind acupuncture therapist to neutralize a pain in my scrotum 7. Sodomize a llama 8. Undergo two decades of martial arts training and then leave my career in the hands of Robert Clouse 9. Watch "FANTASY MISSION FARCE" 10. Get anally raped by Jimmy Wang Yu P.S. Sodomy is funny (^_^) NUMSKULL'S RATING: 1/10 THE GREAT HENDU'S REVIEW: Awesome! Fantastic! Out of sight! None of these words or phrases have any connection with the movie "Killer Meteors"! Jackie was only in this flick for about ten minutes and he ended up getting killed in the final fight scene. It really sucked. You might want to buy it if you need something to level your stove with. THE GREAT HENDU'S RATING: 1/10 ALOHO'S REVIEW: This movie was bad. I mean really really bad. The plot...bad. The acting...bad. Very sparce on the fights, which were also bad. It was two whole hours of crappy camera angles. The Home Shopping Network would have been more entertaining. ALOHO'S RATING: 1/10 DUSTY'S REVIEW: This movie was pretty weak. Jackie is only in the movie a little bit. He has a 10 minute scene in the beginning and a fight to the death scene at the end in which he gets struck down by a meteor, I think. I haven't seen this movie for a while. Jackie was cool to see as a villain, but he's just not in the movie enough. DUSTY'S RATING:** 3/10

Killer Meteors

"I want my money back."

- Marcia Franklin

Killer Meteors (1977)

AKA: Jackie Chan versus Jimmy Wang Yu

Director: Lo Wei

Producer: Hsu Li Hwa

Writer: Ku Lung

Cast: Jackie Chan (Sing Lung), Jimmy Wang Yu, Yu Lin Lung, Kao Fei

Running Time: 91 min.

Plot: Jimmy Wang Yu is one of only two men proficient with a unique and secret weapon, earning him the name of Killer Meteor. The Killer Meteor is on a secret mission to solve the theft of palace treasures. In the process of his investigation, he is hired by a nobleman, the Immortal Wa. Wa accuses his wife of poisoning him and sends the Killer Meteor to kill her and retrieve the antidote to the poison. One small problem - she is guarded by four of the world's greatest fighters and a small army

Reviews

AMIR'S REVIEW: Pure crap thanks to the no good fight scenes and the excruciatingly boring plot line. Interesting only to see how far Jimmy Wang Yu's career fell in the late 1970s.

AMIR'S RATING: 0/10

MARCIA FRANKLIN'S REVIEW: I want my money back.

MARCIA FRANKLIN'S RATING: 1/10

SHAZBOT!'S REVIEW: This film is not as awful as people make it out to be. It is just BORING! The role is a departure in a way for JC, and not because he is villain. Gone is the shaggy hair scruffy punk persona of the Lo Wei period, playing an (ir)responsible adult and leader. A low key dramatic strong supporting role for JC. Jimmy Wang Yu and JC have a remarkable resemblance; so much so I kept confusing the two (Wang Yu is older and doesn't have his eyelids cut). Despite JC's fighting prowess, there is a lot of wire use. The final action scene is unique as it takes place balancing on top of numerous stakes surrounded by swords. To fall would mean sudden death! Unique but not exciting. Bottom line, if I wasn't reading a book and ignoring the middle part of the movie, I would've nodded off. But it's not awful like Fantasy Mission Force awful, where you're screaming "What the F**K!" in every new scene.

SHAZBOT!'S RATING: 2/10

RINTOR'S REVIEW: I think a better title for this movie would be "Killer Flatulence" or maybe "Killer Fecal". This movie stunk bad. I give it my Black Hole Award, because it just sucks. This movie made me want to buy an assault rifle, hunt down Jimmy Wang Yu, and kill his meteor. What really sucked was Jackie played the bad guy. Through the entire movie I hoped that maybe just maybe the Killer Fecal weapon would be really cool, but NOOO! It was just some damn stick that shot fireworks. My god, the sparkler being waved around on Spiritual Kung Fu was more high tech. I'll join Numskull in that Harlem parade just so I don't ever have to see this movie again. Hmm, on second thought I'll help Numskull kill Jimmy Wang Yu.

RINTOR'S RATING: 1/10

TYLER'S REVIEW: What the heck is this movie about, one thing to say to Lo Wei "TOOOOO MANNNYYY PLOT TWISTS!" Jackie's character is a complete lazy weeny, and Jackie has no preferences playing a bad guy, he simply does not fit the bill. One thing I've learned from this film though is Jimmy Wang Yu really is not that bad, now I might get a wave of remarks from Numskull about this, but it's my opinion. Despite Jimmy and Jackie this film is an heretic devil spawn on the reputation of Jackie's career. First of all Jackie plays a bad guy, second Jackie plays a bad guy, and third Jackie actually plays a bad guy! Jimmy's character is supposed to be invincible or something which really stinks, Jackie doesn't even get to beatup Jimmy in this film, instead fireworks (I mean a meteor) lands on Jackie. I mean please, could they not afford to make a cheesy foam meteor to land on Jackie, I mean the fireworks were great and all, but I have some left overs from fourth of July if I what to see some. Another thing - where's Jackie's Meteor anyway, couldn't he use his? The more I think about his movie the more I despise it. Before I state the highlights of the film I have one thing to say if you like Jackie's movies: Do not watch this one, because after you have, you will be able to smell Lo Wei, and the glee of power he had holding dear ol'e Jackie to an evil film contract. Now the Highlights:

One ugly invincible guy (Jimmy Wang Yu)
One weird looking weapon (first killer meteor)
Jackie as a bad guy
People melting
Ninja melting
A chick that likes ugly men slaves
Four other ugly invincible bodyguards
Fireworks that pretend to be meteors
Something about the Wu Tang Clan

TYLER'S RATING: 2/10

NUMSKULL'S REVIEW: Easily one of the five worst movies that JC has appeared in, and what a surprise that the Anti-Christ himself, Jimmy Wang Fuck Yu, is involved. Granted, he wasn't yet the benevolent, sanctuary-granting angel that he was when ISLAND OF FIRE was made, but still, the mere sight of this man on-screen is enough to send waves of negative psychic energy from the TV screen and into your living room. It won't do anything as bland and trite as levitate your bed or bang your pots and pans...oh no, it will give your pets rabies, drive pre-adolescent children mad with horrific hallucinations, and generally fuck your shit up. You have been warned. Anyway, here are...

TEN THINGS I WOULD ALMOST RATHER DO THAN WATCH "KILLER METEORS"

1. Parade through Harlem with a Nazi flag

2. Watch a porno movie with Roseann performing sordid sexual acts upon a helpless killer whale

3. Trade places with the guy who gets trapped in the room with the poison gas in the beginning of "THE ROCK"

4. Be buried chin-deep in bloody stool and then go for a swim in shark-infested waters

5. Implant my consciousness into the body of a hamster being presented to Richard Gere 6. Hire a blind acupuncture therapist to neutralize a pain in my scrotum

7. Sodomize a llama

8. Undergo two decades of martial arts training and then leave my career in the hands of Robert Clouse

9. Watch "FANTASY MISSION FARCE"

10. Get anally raped by Jimmy Wang Yu

P.S. Sodomy is funny (^_^)

NUMSKULL'S RATING: 1/10

THE GREAT HENDU'S REVIEW: Awesome! Fantastic! Out of sight! None of these words or phrases have any connection with the movie "Killer Meteors"! Jackie was only in this flick for about ten minutes and he ended up getting killed in the final fight scene. It really sucked. You might want to buy it if you need something to level your stove with.

THE GREAT HENDU'S RATING: 1/10

ALOHO'S REVIEW: This movie was bad. I mean really really bad. The plot...bad. The acting...bad. Very sparce on the fights, which were also bad. It was two whole hours of crappy camera angles. The Home Shopping Network would have been more entertaining.

ALOHO'S RATING: 1/10

DUSTY'S REVIEW: This movie was pretty weak. Jackie is only in the movie a little bit. He has a 10 minute scene in the beginning and a fight to the death scene at the end in which he gets struck down by a meteor, I think. I haven't seen this movie for a while. Jackie was cool to see as a villain, but he's just not in the movie enough.

DUSTY'S RATING: 3/10