Getting Any?


"Getting Any is a harmless way to spend 100 and something minutes..."

- Mairosu

Getting Any? (1995)

Director: Takeshi Kitano

Writer: Takeshi Kitano

Producer: Masayuki Mori, Hisao Nabeshima, Takio Yoshida

Cast: Moeko Ezawa, Hakuryu, Tokie Hidari, Yojin Hino, Minoru Iizuka, Takeshi Kitano, Akiji Kobayashi, Yuuji Minakata, Masumi Okada, Ren Osugi, Shintaro Takado, Susumu Terajima, Kanji Tsuda, Yuurei Yanagi, Tetsuya Yuuki

Running Time: 105 Min.

Plot: Asao is a daydreamer who fantasizes about having wild, passionate sex in a car. Since he has neither a car nor a girlfriend, he embarks on a series of slapstick adventures in search of both

Availability: This title is available at


MAIROSU'S REVIEW: It's often said that the western world doesn't know real Beat Takeshi. To us, the mention of his name is usually associated with a tough, silent yakuza prototype, or a cop with unorthodox methods. Almost exclusively, his roles are rough and stoic, his characters resorting to violence as a solution. Truth under all that is, Takeshi is none of what you might assume. He's first and foremost an impish comedian and a prankster, always wearing a happy face and ready to pounce on the unsuspecting viewer. He padded his resume in the 70s as a stand-up manzai comic, part of an act called "Two beats" (hence his nickname "Beat" Takeshi, the other "Beat" was Kyoshi), then expanded his work into television, radio and whatnot. In a recent interview he gave, he explains that he didn't like the fact that audience laughed at him at a screening of his first film "Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence" (directed by Nagisa Oshima), so he resolved to play hard boiled mofos until they recognize him as an actor with range and capability.

Getting Any ?, thus, is a rare sighting in Takeshi's cinematic oeuvre, an exercise in true gross-out comedy which delighted the Japanese TV viewer over the years. The film was long time shelved for the western audiences, and the moment you pop it in you'll understand why - it's crude, near-childish and has enough clever references about Japan to put Joe Average off, but for those that care, it still can hit the spot.

The story revolves around Asao (Dankan, also to be seen in Takeshi's Boiling Point as one of the goofy ballplayers), who just can't get laid (an instant explanation of the film title, right there). In order to score, he starts drifting through various schemes which will, in his opinion, enhance his chances. His first fixation is car sex - so he gets a car. But with his money, all he could buy is some little cramped junk, so he sells his grandfather's organs and buys a cabrio. Which proceeds to break down. Disillusioned, Asao resolves to rob a bank, which doesn't happen after a string of comical scenes. Then, he tries his hand in movie business (a riotous segment which involves pointed jabs at Kurosawa and Zatoichi), and finally, he decides it's airplanes which chicks dig, this fascination fueled by a couple of hilarious vignettes which appear out of the blue.

Since Asao can't afford a big jumbo jet cruise, he reserves a spot in a little Cessna for a brief sightseeing flight, where he exchanges identities with Jo Shishido (for the uninformed, a regular "tough guy" in the 60s-70s ninkyo eiga films, most memorably in Seijun Suzuki's Branded to Kill). And just about somewhere there, the film shifts another gear - the plot is discarded, and the whole second half of the film is a seemingly endless barrage of bizarre and often tasteless jokes, including spoofs on Ghostbusters, Michael Jackson, samurai films, yakuza films, giant monster films, H.G. Wells, one particular David Cronenberg film (you'll see which one) and Lord knows what not. Not surprisingly, Takeshi himself appears in the final quarter of the film as a zany scientist who is determined to make his invisibility experiment work, but not even his presence keeps this one on course - it simply floats wildly like a rudderless ship in a tropical storm. By the time the shitty (pun very much intended) finale comes knocking, your attention span should be well off and desire for absurd humour long time satiated, so it falls pretty much flat.

Overall, Getting Any is a harmless way to spend 100 and something minutes, but it might have been a better film if Takeshi just stuck with the original idea which kept the first half of the film going. The final 40 or so minutes are just an exercise in audience tolerance, so consider yourself warned.