White Valentine (1999)

AKA: Hwaiteu Ballenta-In

Director: Yang Yun-Ho

Producer: Kim Yong-Kuk

Cast: Park Sin-Yang, Jeon Ji-Hyeon, Jeon Mu-Song, Kim Se-Jun, Kim Young-Ok, Yang Dong-Keun, Kang Jin-Wu, Jang Myeong-Cheol, Park Mi-Rae

Running Time: 89 min.

Plot: A girl named Jung-min writes to a young man named Hyun-jun, who is serving in the army. She lies about her age and claims to be a teacher. As this young lady turns twenty, a 30-year-old man, who has eyes filled with sadness moves into her village. Every night, he sends letters through a pigeon to a deceased woman he loved dearly. He sends them high up in the sky, knowing that he will never get a reply. Then one day, like magic, he receives a letter. The letters sent through pigeons reveal someone's loneliness and sadness. And the two people meet each other by sheer chances.

Availability: This title is available at HKflix.com

MIGHTY PEKING MAN'S REVIEW: Jung-min (Jeon Ji-Hyeon from "My Sassy Girl") is a young woman who dropped out of school to pursue her love for "art", a pastime she wants to make her career. She mysteriously lost her parents when she was very young, and now, lives and works for her grandfather who runs a small book store. When she's not working, she spends her free time drawing birds and other sceneries at the park. With a steady job, a roof over her head and a hobby that she enjoys like no other; there's one only thing she's missing - a cure for her loneliness. You see, years earlier she was so desolated that she became pen pals with a man that was 10 years older than her. She developed a likeness to the guy so much that she lied about her age and told him she was a school teacher. When the man decided to visit her, she stood him up, only to change her mind the very last minute. By that time, it was too late. As a result, she had lost her pen pal, and her loneliness continued.

One day, while sitting in her bedroom, a pigeon comes flying through her window with a message attached to it...

You know what, fuck this.

I'm not gonna waste my time writing about the plot. Instead, I'm just gonna attack the hell out of this film. It's got nothing to do with the writers or the acting. It's Yang Yun-Ho, the director of this film that needs to open his fucking eyes. He's either: 1) Suffering from some type of serious eye stigmatism; 2) Has very bad taste in choosing a certain look for a film; or 3) He's simply an idiot. I'll go for 3.

Look dude, you're working with Jeon Ji-Hyeon. She's a fine actress, the camera loves her face and so do we. I'd say that's a damn good reason to ZOOM THE FUCKING THING ON HER FACE instead of filming her from 10 miles away! And while you're at it, do the same with everyone else. These are actors and actresses you're dealing with, not extras or Shaolin wooden dummies. I would have loved to see the expression on Jeon Ji-Hyeon's face the first time that bird came flying in, but no, she was so far away that all I saw was her body, her bed, her hamper, her clothes and her dog - I even saw the bakery outside where the two fucks were buying some fresh bread.

After awhile, all these faraway shots made me seriously nauseous. I even went out of my way to zoom up during certain scenes, but that didn't help due to the digital bitmapping (which makes the whole DVD zoom up thing useless). I know I sound very crude, but if you ever see this film, you'll realize how crucial th camera worked was in ruining what could have been a decent film. And it just makes matters worse that lead is a visual heaven. They should have just cast Michael Jackson as "Jung-min", we'd never know the difference. Damn idiots.

The hell with this film.

MIGHTY PEKING MAN'S RATING: 1/10