Dragon Missile, The (1976) Review

"The Dragon Missile" Hong Kong DVD Cover

"The Dragon Missile" Hong Kong DVD Cover

AKA: The Guillotine
Literally: Flying Dragon Execution
Director: Hoh Mung Wa (Ho Meng Hu)
Producer: Runme Shaw
Cast: Lo Lieh, Nancy Yen Nan-See, Lau Wing, Ku Feng, Kong Yeung, Lau Wai-Yue, Lee Sau-Kei, Ouyang Shafei, Norman Chu Siu-Keung, Yeung Chi-Hing, Fan Mei-Sheng, Chan Mei-Hua, Kok Lee-Yan, Lai Man, Wang Han-Chen, Ko Hung
Running Time: 82 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

It’s been over a year since I’ve watched The Dragon Missile, so instead of writing a review based on weak memory, let me give you a quick rundown to why I think you NEED to see this movie:

1. It’s directed by Hoh Mung Wa (Killer Darts, Vengeance Is A Golden Blade). He’s the ‘other’ Shaw Brothers filmmaker who doesn’t get as much credit as Chang Cheh and those others guys. I’ve seen a handful of his movies and he has yet to to disappoint. In some ways, it wouldn’t be totally out of line to say he’s THE most entertaining Shaw Brothers director ever. Yeah, that’s what I said.

2. It’s one whimsical film. Colorful, in more ways than one. It’s interesting and keeps you in check the whole time. The plot doesn’t take itself so seriously, yet we have no nonsense villains (Lo Lieh) doing their no nonsense, double-crossing shit. I remember the plot being something Quentin Tarantino would be proud of. Silly, yet straight to the point, crisp and brutal.

3. The weapons that are showcased are fun to watch. This shouldn’t come to any surprise, considering it’s coming from the guy who made a movie called The Flying Guillotine. Here, we get a pair razor sharp boomerangs which are impossible to escape. Effects may be cheesy, but hey, this is why I like old school Shaw Brothers shit more than James Cameron’s blue cock.

4. Features a solid cast - Lo Lieh (if you don’t know who he is, then don’t even worry about it); Lau Wing (aka Tony Liu, aka the Big Boss’s son from the Bruce Lee movie of the same name), who I wish was in a lot more movies. He’s a charming cat, but sadly, he’s going to be stuck as “that one guy in the Bruce Lee movies” forever. There are some other recognizable cast members, but I just suck at names, so forgive me…

The Dragon Missile (what an awesome title!) is one hell of a hidden gem that shouldn’t be missed. Get off your ass and order it, you’ll thank me for it.

Well Go USA®, FUNimation®, Dragon Dynasty®, Image®… are you guys listening?

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 9/10

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Expect the Unexpected (1998) Review

"Expect the Unexpected" Italian DVD Cover

"Expect the Unexpected" Italian DVD Cover

Director: Patrick Yau Tak Chi
Writer: Taures Chow Yin Han, Szeto Kam Yuen, Yau Nai Hoi
Producer: Johnnie To Kei Fung
Cast: Lau Ching Wan, Simon Yam Tat Wah, Ruby Wong Cheuk Ling, Hui Siu Hung, Raymond Wong Ho Yin, Yoyo Mung Ka Wai, Bak Ka San, Keiji Sato, Joe Cheng Cho, Lester Chan Chit Man, Lam Suet
Running Time: 87 min.

By Joe909

I’ve always hated sitcoms that base their entire narrative upon one character’s hidden desire for another (which pretty much sums up most sitcoms). You know, Guy A secretly yearns for Girl B, and the only people who know of this desire are Guy A’s Platonic Friends 1 and 2. It goes on and on, with no resolution (at least, until the ratings drop). I’ve always wished these sort of sitcoms would just end with each of the bastards getting shotgunned out of their misery. Looks like the Milkyway guys felt the same.

Expect the Unexpected is like a sitcom mixed with a grisly crime story. Office hijinks rub against such horrifying images as a dead baby in a dryer. One officer tries to hook his brother up with a girl that he himself likes, while dark clouds endlessly piss on the city. An older cop tries to figure out if he should stick with his wife or his mistress, while a gang of crooks rape and pillage as they please. Even the bubbly theme song sounds like something you’d more expect to hear in a Hollywood comedy.

Lau Ching Wan and Simon Yam are great in otherwise bland roles as brothers who work in the same precinct; they both like Yoyo Meung, who apparently doesn’t know which of the two she herself likes. Lam Suet is introduced as a down-and-out mainlander who’s gotten into crime to feed his family, before he promptly disappears from the movie. Lam’s screw-up pals barely get a few minutes of screen time, and the film’s other criminals, the stone-faced, mainland rapists, look genuinely dangerous. So, while Wan and Yam try to decide which of them gets to bone Yoyo, the mainland crooks/rapists run rampant across Hong Kong. This proves to be the gist of the entire film.

There’s a little more action on display than other Milkyways I’ve seen, though not up there with “Fulltime Killer.” The opening scene in which Lam Suet runs aimlessly around back alleys is entertaining, as is the sequence where the mostly-naked criminal takes on the cops with his AK-47. But these action scenes are more along the realistic vibe. They aren’t artful shoot-outs, as you’d expect from other HK actioners.

The fact that Lam Suet’s pals are introduced as harmless goofballs, but morph into deadly murderers by the film’s end, does in fact reek of dues ex machina. This could have easily been avoided with a few storyline changes, but these changes were apparently overlooked. As it is, the only hint we receive that these goons might be capable of such destruction is when Jimmy the cop stares hard at the video footage of them robbing a jewelry store: the camera lingers on one of the goons, who holds a gun. This makes an impression on Jimmy, which seems all the more apparent in that he is not with the others in the final battle; perhaps he learned a lesson, while they did not. But then again, maybe I’m just reading too much into the damn thing.

Those of you who want a happy ending, just don’t watch the last ten minutes. The fatalistic, nihilistic last few minutes of film do nothing to leave a lasting impact; rather, the ending just gives you a “they must’ve run out of ideas” type feeling. If fatalism was the desired theme of the film, then the storytellers failed. Again, more of a set-up in the story would’ve helped. In summation, the plot has several bumps and the ending sucks, but it’s still a Milkyway film. Just not as good as most.

Joe909′s Rating: 6/10


By Alexander

SPOILER ALERT: Do not read this review if you are planning on seeing this film in the near future. I shamelessly give away the ending. If you plan on seeing the movie many weeks or months from now, read on, as you will have long forgotten anything I’ve written in the meandering review below.

(Oh, just read the damn thing.)

One of the things that initially appealed to me about Hong Kong cinema was the idea that gun-toting crime fighters are as fragile and prone to danger as the neighborhood grocer or school teacher. Far too many Hollywood films have featured the requisite barrel-chested uber-hero who can seemingly dodge bullets and even take one in the chest while defending a gorgeous damsel to ultimately recover, spending the rest of their chiseled-featured lives sipping fruity drinks on faraway beaches with nary a scar. Nicholas Cage, Eastwood, Arnold, Willis, Stallone, Travolta, Lundgren, Ford and a bevy of other American action “heroes” have walked headlong into waves of automatic fire and lived to tell the tale.

John Woo’s THE KILLER, however, is different. Having been reared on a steady diet of American action films, I watched wide-eyed many years ago as Chow Yun Fat crawled blindly to Danny Lee beneath flocks of pristine white doves and the strains of a Sally Yeh ballad. This hero, so menacing and cool with mammoth pistols clenched in two fists and cigarette dangling perpetually from the corner of a smirk, dies a grisly and decidedly un-heroic death. Jeffrey, a moniker only Chow Yun Fat could wear seriously, perishes in a hail of bullets. Used to seeing our heroes ending their films with a witty aside to their youthful sidekick, a smitten love or a defeated villain, I was completely caught off-guard when the two coolest cats in all of cinema are brutally murdered.

Films like BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID, THE KILLER, HEROES SHED NO TEARS, A HERO NEVER DIES, A BULLET IN THE HEAD and A BETTER TOMORROW feature unfortunate consequences for their leads, further proving that Hong Kong cinema is still paying attention to the old Greek dramas and Shakespearean tragedies. The good guys, alas, do not always prevail.

Which brings me to EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED. No, it is not entirely original. Tragedies have been around for centuries. And yes, the buddy cop premise is as cliche here as it is in every other HK and US film. The love triangle between Simon Yam, Lau Ching Wan and Yo Yo Mung is simply silly. And we do need to suspend our disbelief for a few moments when we realize the tame, bumbling idiots in the first few minutes of the film have become, overnight, calculating marksmen capable of slaughtering entire police departments. But there is still something novel about seeing the good guys lose, seeing the bullets riddle their fine suits and muscled torsos. Even though I expected this somewhat ironic twist, I still enjoyed the audacity of the filmmaker to wipe out not just one of our honorable public servants, but the whole damn lot of them. Not quite as unexpected as the title suggests, but intriguing nonetheless.

ETU is also memorable for the believable relationship between the charismatic leads, Lau Ching Wan and Simon Yam. Sure, they could pull these roles off in their sleep, but these two light up the screen regardless, whether bantering inanely about women or plotting their next stake-out.

A nice change of pace from the plethora of TOKYO RAIDERS-like fluff I’ve been drowning in recently.

Alexander’s Rating: 7/10


By Numskull

If you watch this movie, expect it to be great…because it isn’t.

The botched heist. A story that’s been done way too many times. Is it any different this time ’round? Hell yes…but “different” doesn’t always mean “better”!

There are a bunch of cops. Two of them desperately want to fuck a girl who works in the restaurant across the street from the robbery site. This restaurant is located right next to a McDonald’s which is shown unobstructed about 73 times during the movie. Oh yeah, and those two cops are brothers. Two brothers at odds over a woman…golly gee, that’s a new one. The other cops have problems with their own, like adultery, getting shot in the neck, and paying too much for cigarettes. The cast shines in spots, but the story and characters don’t. The main plot is so thin that it seems almost half of this 87-minute movie consists of the cops just driving around and doing Seinfeld-style bitching and moaning. Here’s the biggest problem. You see, humor is supposed to be funny. “Funny” means something you can laugh at. This film either takes itself way too seriously or not nearly seriously enough. First a woman is hospitalized after being raped non-stop for a week; then one brother spies on the other talking to Yo Yo Mung and dubbing their voices in a make-believe conversation. In one scene, the token female cop force-feeds grapes to the bedridden, womanizing Jimmy as punishment for his promiscuous ways; in another, there’s a dead baby in the clothes dryer.

Also, it’s always raining in this movie. I mean always. It’s like they knew it had no substance, so they figured they’d make up for it with style.

SPOILER ALERT!!! IF YOU PLAN ON SEEING THIS PIECE OF CRAP, STOP READING HERE.

The ending is surprising…but again, that doesn’t mean it’s good. I find it more than a little hard to believe that two half-assed robbers who couldn’t rob the jewelery store in the first place could slaughter six trained police officers in a shootout before getting offed themselves. And don’t give me this shit about “That was their master plan.” If they were smart enough to conceive a “master plan” then they would have gotten away with the jewelery store loot in the first place, and, you know, LIVED.

Of course, the cops put up a really valiant struggle, crawling along the pavement after being shot multiple times, in excruciatingly slow motion no less. But by this time I just didn’t give a damn. I didn’t give a damn who lived or who died or who got away. My reaction was “C’mon, c’mon, die already.” I’m not opposed to having endings where things don’t all get wrapped up in a neat little package, but here, the writers just killed everyone to take the easy way out since they couldn’t think of a better finish to this thoroughly uninspired story. Of course they can make reference to the movie’s title afterwards, but the fact remains that this is a really half-assed film with a meaningless publicity stunt ending that seems to have suckered quite a few viewers.

Crap that surprises you is still crap.

Numskull’s Rating: 2/10


By Tequila

I think I’m ready to write this review now, after recovering from the temporary blindness the microscopic VCD subtitles on Expect The Unexpected’s Universe release induces. The subtitles are the smallest I’ve ever come across, I think they just had the usual VCD subs you encounter (white-on-white) downsized. If reading gives you headaches, get the DVD of the movie. Still, at least the words don’t run off the edge of the screen…

I’m going to write a review for those who haven’t seen the movie and those who have, as I have several points to make about the ending of the film, so here goes.

NON-SPOILER REVIEW:

I felt that Expect The Unexpected was a very good film, another quality Milkyway production. Unfortunately for me, I watched it last in a double bill with Needing You – a bad idea when you want something lighthearted after watching this film which is very pessimistic.

The acting is great, especially from Lau Ching-Wan (that wasn’t unexpected) and has nice enough subplots to go along with the main plot of a team of cops trying to track down a gang of psychotic baby killing live-in rapists who are exposed after a bungling robber flees the scene. While the subplot of the two brothers (Lau and Yam Tat-Wah) lusting after the same woman is old and used, it is portrayed well by all involved here. Big Bullet has an old and stereotypical plot but I don’t hear people moaning about that! It was a great film in it’s own right and I feel the same about Expect The Unexpected.

The combat is filmed realistically and fits in with the film. A John Woo-type shoot-out would be out of place; you can’t stylize rape and baby killing. The way the weather plays a part in the mood is good too, this movie is supposed to be depressing which is probably why so many people hated it.

The music is very good and very suitable and there is a good sense of location in the film, as you kind of get to know the area as the film progresses. The ending? Well, I won’t reveal it here but it certainly looked good to me – not unbelievable in any aspect. You may hate it though, a review is just an opinion.

SPOILER REVIEW:

Well then, the ending…I certainly don’t find it unbelievable – it can be quite easy for a bunch of crappy robbers to be psychotics. The cops were getting ready to celebrate the end of the serial rapist case and they weren’t wearing their vests. They expected the robbers to be bunglers yet again. So when Lau Ching-Wan tastes shotgun, it is unexpected. Get the title now? The cops had pistols, the robbers had a shotgun and an MP5 so it is highly likely that the robbers would win, although they do get wasted too. If you look at some of the most twisted men in history you can’t say they look like serial killers; Dahmer just looked like a strange loner – he was only caught due to bungling the handcuffing of some guy, and Rose West was just a middle-aged woman to most people yet she murdered more than a dozen women with her husband.

The ending worked for me, it wasn’t expected to me or the characters involved.

Tequila’s Rating: 9/10

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Killer Darts (1968) Review

"Killer Darts" Chinese Theatrical Poster

"Killer Darts" Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Hoh Mung Wa (Ho Meng-Hua)
Cast: Chin Ping, Yueh Hua, Sam Yi (Shen Yi), Fong Min, Guk Fung (Ku Feng), Tong Dik, Paang Paang, Ma Ying, Cheung Pooi Saan (Chang Pei-Shan), Ngai Ping Ngo, Han Ying Chieh, Siu Gam, Kok Lee Yan, Woo Tung, Cheung Yuk Kam
Running Time: 83 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

They brutally killed his wife, wiped out dozens of his innocent people, and burnt his entire village down to a charbroiled crisp. Now, master Liou Wen-lung (Fang Mien) is out for revenge. Armed with a near-invincible sword style and a pack of killer darts, he heads out to settle a 10-year old grudge with the cold-blooded evildoers. Joining him is his son (Yueh Hua), an orphan named Yu Sien (Chin Ping) and his trusty servant.

As I’ve said before: I love it when I come across a Shaw Brothers filmmaker (other than Chang Cheh or Lau Kar-Leung) who blows my mind. This time, it’s director Hoh Mung Wa; The only other movie I’ve seen of his was Mighty Peking Man, which I remember being an enjoyable King Kong knock off, but I had no idea this guy was making quality swordplay flicks like this.

Killer Darts is the perfect companion piece to Ching Gong’s 12 Gold Medallions. Not only do both movies star Yueh Hua and Chin Ping, they also share similar situations. For example: Chin Ping’s character is madly in love for Yueh Hua’s; she has some unforgiving issues involving her father, in this case, her foster father; and once again, she is lethal, cute and pouty.

Watching 12 Gold Medallions, and now Killer Darts, I feel like I’m officially becoming a fan of Yueh Hua. He has a natural quality that makes him easier to watch than, say, Jimmy Wang Yu. There’s a sensitivity he applies to roles; and even though he’s playing a guy who can easily slice the fuck out of his enemies, he doesn’t come across like a cocky, stoned-face badass.

The villains of the film are flamboyant and sometimes cartoony. One of the baddies is an obese guy who has exaggerated chest hairs, pre-dating Austin Powers. Another sports a prothetic arm that shoots out sharp objects, reminiscent of what we would see years later in Chang Cheh’s Crippled Avengers.

Compared to most swordplay films of this time, the martial arts choreography seems more fluid and technical. Also noticeable is the classy cinematography which shows us lots of overview shots of the action below. As you would expect, Killer Darts is filled with a tremendous amount of slicing, dicing and bloody carnage; as well as unique weaponry and deadly traps.

Highly recommended.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

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Odd One Dies, The (1997) Review

"The Odd One Dies" Chinese DVD Cover

"The Odd One Dies" Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Patrick Yau
Writer: Wai Ka-Fai
Producer: Johnnie To Kei-Fung, Wai Ka-Fai
Cast: Kaneshiro Takeshi, Carman Lee Yeuk Tung, Ken Choi Fung Wah, Lam Suet, Chiu Chi Shing, Kong Foo Keung, Wong Gwan Hong
Running Time: 89 min.

By Joe909

Like “Too Many Ways To Be No. 1,” The Odd One Dies was written by that mad genius Wai Kai-Fai. However, whereas “Too Many Ways” is known for its breakneck pace and large cast of characters, The Odd One Dies is a slower affair, concentrating only on the two main characters. That’s not to say that the movie isn’t as original or entertaining as “Too Many Ways,” as there are just as many chaotic situations and comedic moments in this movie. They just don’t come at you every second.

Takeshi Kaneshiro plays a stubborn gangster who takes a job from his Indian contract. The job: to kill a Thai triad boss. Takeshi blows his upfront payment on a junky car and an old, bulky cell phone. Then he goes to a gambling house and proceeds to win a sickening amount of cash. In a highly-unique twist on these sort of stories, Takeshi now finds himself with so much cash that he no longer needs to do the job he was hired for. So he hires a replacement killer: Carman Lee, who has been made to look so unattractive that you’ll barely recognize her. Takeshi and Carman (not sure if her character even had a name) go over the job and engage in several games with one another, punching waiters in the face, trying to escape hotel security, and cutting one another’s hair. Surely enough, they gradually fall in love, but this doesn’t occur in a sappy, Hollywood-esque fashion; their relationship seems very natural and organic to the plot. In probably the most touching, yet subtle scene I’ve seen in a romantic comedy, Carman admits to Takeshi: “I’m quite fond of you.” Takeshi chuckles and says: “Me to.” It’s a small scene, but those are sometimes the best kind for moments like this.

There isn’t much action in the movie, so don’t expect a traditional Heroic Bloodshed-type film. Only a few shots are fired in the end sequence, but it’s still one of the most thrilling scenes in Milkyway history, as you are left burning with the desire to find out if the Thai’s killer survives the job. Takeshi and Carman’s final scene together, in which Takeshi gives Carman the Thai’s photo and an automatic Magnum, has an especially bittersweet twist that gets me every time.

Overall, I’d recommend The Odd One Dies if you’re looking for a different approach to the Heroic Bloodshed genre. It’s a little slow-moving at first, but the comedy is as dark as you can get (this movie probably sets a record with “Too Many Ways” in the amount of fingers that get sliced off of Triad rascals), and the music is catchy, if minimal. Direction is top-notch, as well: lots of bold colors on screen at all times, and shots of Takeshi looking cool. The scene in which he strikes various poses with the huge cell phone is especially funny. All told, you’ll probably enjoy this movie without once realizing what it really is: a heavily-disguised chick flick, Milkyway style.

Joe909′s Rating: 7.5/10


By FrankEinstein

I view The Odd One Dies as having two halves. One half is about a stoic pretty boy asshole who frequents nightclubs with garish colored lighting, poses runway-style with mobile phones and beats people up.

The other, later half, would be about this stoic pretty boy asshole meeting his female asshole counterpart, and their love affair. I think there was some stuff about assassinations in there, but what little dialogue there was in the film was translated into subtitles poorly and I had to read the sleeve a third way in to garner a clue as to what was going on.

But do I recommend it? On one hand, the annoying synthesized theme, blinding filters and obscure plot made finishing the movie a chore. I felt like I was watching a bunch of subplots from a better movie strung together by themselves. Half an hour into it, I thought I’d end up turning it off after not too long.

But after sticking with it a little while longer, a new character was introduced, turning this repetitive I don’t know what into a really weird love story. So eventually, you see, the characters proved endearing, some comedy proved effective, and even the theme became a little catchy. But my eyes are still bleeding from that damn red lighting.

The review pretty much ends here. It’s as shallow as the movie it reviews. I say the movie’s shallow, but that may not be fair. The subtlety that was meant to reveal a deep, redeeming story may have bounced off of my thick skull, or perhaps the lousy Mei Ah translation lost a little of the story. But then maybe it’s an art film that doesn’t really have to be about anything in particular, because artistes will accept anything if you tell them it’s chic.

But in the end, the two likeable lead actors held my interest with their chemistry, and I learned why Takeshi Kaneshiro is a star (it’s the hair.) To put a lid on the deal – I don’t get it. I still can’t see. But I liked it.

FrankEinstein’s Rating: 6/10

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Killer, The (1989) Review

"The Killer" UK Theatrical Poster

"The Killer" UK Theatrical Poster

AKA: Bloodshed Brothers
Director: John Woo (Ng Yu-Sam)
Writer: John Woo (Ng Yu-Sam)
Producer: Tsui Hark
Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Danny Lee Sau-Yin, Paul Chu Kong, Kenneth Tsang Kong, Sally Yeh (Yip Sin-Man), Shing Fui-On, Tommy Wong Kwong-Leung, Parkman Wong Pak-Man, Yip Wing-Cho

By Numskull

At what point does a person who has made a career our of some creative endeavor…whether it’s filming films, painting paintings or making little sculptures out of office supplies…come to the conclusion that they have well and truly honed their craft to perfection? That they can’t possibly top their latest masterpiece? That it’s all downhill from here?

Is it when the critical acclaim for their work reaches an all-time high? Is it when they become depressed and disillusioned with their current output, look back upon the good old days and realize that their best period is behind them? Or is it just when they finish their newest labor of love, sit back and review it in its entirety, and come to the simple conclusion that IT’S SO FUCKING GOOD that nothing they accomplish in the future will ever quite measure up?

Whether or not John Woo considers this to be his best movie is irrelevant. If he does indeed hold that opinion, how he arrived at it is also irrelevant. What is relevant is that this movie, more so than any other, transcends the restrictive and pedestrian label of “action movie” and shines above the rest…like a diamond in the rough, like a lone star in the midnight sky, like a patch of porcelain visible on the inside of a toilet bowl filled to capacity with lackluster cinematic shit. It is not just a John Woo movie…it is THE John Woo movie.

Ask anybody. Ask anybody worth the chemicals that compose their bodily fluids what The Ultimate John Woo Movie is, and they’ll tell you it’s The Killer. Maybe this one made more money or that one was more “ground-breaking”, but The Killer is the one that takes all the elements that make John Woo movies John Woo movies and wraps them up in one superior package.

Let’s ask some HK movie fans what THEY think.

Excuse me, sir. What is The Ultimate John Woo Movie?

“Why, that would be The Killer, of course.”

Of course. How about you, ma’am? What would you say is The Ultimate John Woo Movie?

“Gee, I like all of them, but I would have to say The Killer is The Ultimate. It’s got everything you could want.”

Very good. And what do you say, sir? The Ultimate John Woo Movie?

“Duh. The Killer. Everyone knows that. Anyone who doesn’t like The Killer should be disemboweled and strangled with their own intestines.”

To be sure. And what about you, young man? Yes, you with the nose ring and the tribal tattoo and the Eminem T-shirt. Do you think The Killer is The Ultimate John Woo Movie?

“No way. The Ultimate John Woo Movie is Hard Target. The R-rated one with everything cut out. And, by the way, my I.Q. is 37, my favorite TV show is Jackass and I voted for Bush because Marilyn Manson told me to.”

Oh…I see. Well, ah, everyone’s got opinions, right?

(Yes…but some are worth more than others.)

The Killer has it all, folks. Beautifully visceral shootouts, excellent performances by talented actors, honor, bloodshed, betrayal, heroism, more bloodshed, and a preposterous plot unravlled deftly and coherently.

What, I ask you, is there not to like?

The excessive violence? Bah! Try watching the nightly news.

The hard-to-swallow poeticism of the “honor among thieves” theme? Fah! It’s not John Woo’s fault that notions like honor and dignity are little more than myths in our beer-swilling, asshole music star-worshipping, inferior presidential candidate-nominating society.

The lack of a nicely-wrapped fairy tale ending? Pah! After years and years of Hollywood’s mass-produced “Good Guy Meets Girl, Good Guy Kills Bad Guys, Good Guy Gets Girl” drek (with “Bad Guys” and “foreigners” being interchangeable with nauseating frequency), I for one got a big kick out of it.

The “message” that violence is the way to resolve conflicts? Phooey! If you’re the type of person who finds “messages” in movies, then you’re probably also the type of person who stands on street corners holding a sign with the name of your favorite politician on it and drives an SUV just to look important while shuttling your offspring to and from soccer practice, so kindly eat shit and die.

Also, it’s refreshing to know that the most easily-accessible version of the movie is the one that you’re “supposed to” see. The good folks at Fox Lorber have released The Killer on VHS and DVD, letterboxed with remastered subtitles, and they didn’t cut out anything that John Woo himself did not remove (it was originally 135 minutes, but it was trimmed down to 110 by the man HIMSELF, not some fuckwit studio executive).

Now, with all of that having been said, you might be puzzled by the fact that I gave this film a rating of 9/10 instead of a perfect score. The way I see it, the rating should reflect the amount of enjoyment you got from the movie and not necessarily how “good” it is. Although this is the best movie there is to introduce some culturally illiterate swine to Mr. Woo’s work, I personally got bigger kicks from Hard Boiled and Face/Off.

Anybody ever count the number of bullets spent in this movie?

Anybody got way too much time on their hands?

Numskull’s Rating: 9/10


By Mister Floyd

The Killer was the first John Woo movie I ever saw and that was back in ’95 and this was only because a friend of mine was raving about it at the time. It was completely different to any action movie I had seen before. 4 years ago I rediscovered this gem in a store and bought it – part of the Hong Kong Legends franchise. I have watched it numerous times since then being a big fan of Asian cinema generally. Even today, this movie really stands out from others of the genre.

To begin with, the lead role is played by the very personable and charismatic Chow Yun Fat. He is perfect for the role and exudes class and style throughout the movie. However, I think what makes this movie stand out truly is the combination of mood and music, slow motion scenes and the uniquely Asian feel to it. John Woo makes a point of giving a human dimension to the bloodshed; human relationships and drama are just as important as the gun play and both should look good. Noble human characteristics shine through in early Woo movies.

My favourite moment in the movie is a scene were Chow Yun Fat – Jeffrey in the movie, is sitting in his apartment waiting for his boss to deliver his money after a successful hit. It is in fact a very stylish slow motion scene with a very cool looking Chow Yun Fat seated in quiet contemplation. The scene is shot from outside the room pearing in through a series of glass windows. There are other moments that take advantage of the suave and stylish hitman.

Then of course there is the apartment shootout which is very memorable and stylish. I would not say it is the best action film I have ever seen – in fact I think A better Tommorow is John Woo’s best – but The Killer is a dramatic and very stylish movie, extremely violent at times while soft and almost like an Asian pop video in some parts. Some parts of the movie could be perceived as cheesy, but in fact as a westerner conditioned by the Hollywood approach to action, I find it refreshing even now and it adds to the charm of this film.

As an added note, it is easy to spot the star quality of Chow Yun Fat for such a role when you see him in the ‘Shanghai Bund’ – a hugely popular t.v. series that began running in 1980 – I suspect that the scalf worn during the bar shootout was a tribute to this earlier t.v. role.

Mister Floyd’s Rating: 8/10


By Joseph Kuby

Excellent Existential Mobster Movie!

This is a majestic masterpiece that is one of the best films of all time; a groundbreaking classic that’s at once commercially accessible yet artistically acceptable and commercially exportable yet artistically exceptional. Not only that, but it’s one of the most influential and referential films of all time!

My perception of films changed after when I saw The Killer back in 1999, not strictly due to the mixing of genres or highly innovative, imaginative and intense action; but due to the level of subtlety and quality in its storytelling and direction. It was probably the first time I ever saw a film that didn’t have a happy ending, from that point onwards I was never sure if the hero would live or die much less win or lose.

It’s a film about loyalty, honour, honesty, chivalry, gallantry, ethics, morality, heroism, sacrifice, friendship, romance, betrayal, redemption and martyrdom.

I can really relate to this film in its depiction of a person struggling to live in an immoral society with only few people you can truly relate to. One of the points John Woo makes in this film and others is that people have a really warped sense of what’s right and wrong. People always use not having a religion as an excuse to act in the way they do (paradoxically people also use religion to do things such as wars). People use the excuse “everyone has their own personal morals according to their lifestyle” to justify some pretty shoddy and shitty things that they do.

In The Killer, Woo makes a point that regardless of backgrounds, gender, race, age and religion, everyone has a certain list of morals that they should abide by, even if it means making selfless choices that benefits everyone and everything as a whole – including yourself.

The Killer has some small & subtle doses of humour, gallops of romance, buckets of bullets and hard-hitting drama. It has a rousing and riveting soundtrack that’s both mesmerizing & memorable. It manages to combine the realistic with the stylistic in a world that’s both real and surreal simultaneously.

It’s a well-rounded film that combines visual and visceral aspects of Hollywood, European & Hong Kong film-making; which is why it seems so familiar yet so fresh (partly because John Woo puts things into the film which makes it truly his own). Even Martin Scorsese had seen this film and called it a favourite, coincidentally John dedicated the film to Martin. Scorsese particularly liked the usage of the Messiah music cue during the finale.

The first time I saw this, the ending (i.e. the death scene of a pivotal character and the positionnement de caractère* of it) reminded me of a similar scene in Sammo Hung’s Pedicab Driver (released in the same year) – I wonder who took from who or if this was an idea shared by the two marvellous directors.

Also it should be noted that whilst the finale of Taxi Driver formed the inspiration of the apartment shootout in this film; the finale of the directorial feature Rolling Thunder (made by the scriptwriter for Taxi Driver) had served as a platform of inspiration for the apartment shootout in A Better Tomorrow 2 (also made by John Woo).

As a sidenote for this film, music cues were taken from Chuck Norris’ Hero & The Terror.

* Similar to the French term mise-en-scene. Positionnement de caractères, as you may be able to interpret, means positioning of characters.

Joseph Kuby’s Rating: 10/10


By Lady Tequila

Quite simply the greatest movie ever made. Filmed in lyrical shades of blue and shot through with slow-motion, this is a film full of heroes, honour, humanity and gunplay beautiful enough to be ballet. It’s far more than an action movie: it’s a haunting, unforgettable tale of honour, friendship and betrayal, and John Woo’s values shine right through the haze of blood and bullets. And it’s visually stunning.

Chow Yun-Fat plays Jeff, an assassin with a conscience who accidentally blinds a singer (Sally Yeh) while on a job. He takes care of her and eventually falls in love with her, and finds he can’t go straight as he had planend to because he needs to make money to pay for an eye operation for her. Things become even more complicated when he develops a strong bond with one of the cops on his tail, Inspector Li (played by Danny Lee).

The cast is fantastic. John Woo has a real knack for bringing out the best in his actors, and here we get the performance of a lifetime from Danny Lee, and probably also from Sally Yeh – although she doesn’t have much to do, to be honest. Chow Yun-Fat mesmerises, as per usual, and here he exudes a magnetic sense of fate and destiny which really carries his character. It’s interesting to see Shing Fui-On playing a good guy for once, after having played probably every bad guy in the history of Hong Kong cinema.

The characters of Jeff and Inspector Li are fascinating. Jeff is a killer who just happens to empathise with a cop; Inspector Li is a cop who just happens to empathise with a killer. Together, they fight on the wrong side of the law, for the right reasons. Woo uses their relationship to pose questions about humanity and morality – what is right? What is wrong? And who makes the rules anyway? Interesting stuff, especially given Woo’s strongly religious background. And much has been made of the ‘homosexual undertones’ between Jeff and Inspector Li – personally I think these suspicions just show how sensitive the Western world is, i.e. not very.

What is amazing about this film is the way it says so much while hardly saying anything at all. Woo really knows how to set a scene which ‘talks’ visually, which means that not only is dialogue not so important, but the dialogue which IS used becomes far more powerful (and how’s “do you believe in God?” for an opening line?). A moment of slow-motion, a beat of silence, a pulse of music – and we learn so many things. Everything has meaning. Nothing is trivial. And Chow Yun-Fat really plays up to this, and does similar things with his face and body-language – a twitch of an eyebrow, a head-turn, and the story is advanced a million light years. The same goes for the ‘bonding scenes’ between Jeff and Inspector Li; much is made of a silence, or a look. In their world, a moment can mean so much; in some ways the whole film is based around a single moment when a singer is blinded in a night-club, and the lives of so many are changed irrevovably.

And then there is the action, which shouldn’t be forgotten because it’s bloody brilliant. No one does it like Woo. Big fucking handguns; artfully used slow-motion; thundering silence in the stillness before a storm of gunfire; heroes who never run out of ammunition; stunning, balletically choreographed scenes; a totally glorious body-count, and the visual impact of black bullets and red blood on white walls. And the action is so great because we care. It’s not just mindless action. It has impact because it has an emotional, human level. For instance, we care when the singer is blinded, and when a little girl gets injured (a moment Woo uses to full effect when Jeff rescues the girl, which adds impact to his character), and these moments of ‘caring’ underscore the violence perfectly.

Woo uses religious imagary to full effect in this movie. Some of the most powerful scenes occur inside a church. Probably the most haunting image of all is Jeff at the foot of a cross, right after he blinded the singer. Other unforgettable moments include white doves flying up when a death-knell gunshot sounds, the church being wrecked, and a real spine-tingler when a statue of the Virgin Mary is shattered in stunning and grotesque slow-motion, and we know the end is nigh. Woo also proves himself to be the king of the flashback, using flashbacks to add punch to emotional moments, rather than to remind the watcher of something.

But great movie or no, this one is flawed. There is no real place for women, Sally Yeh is underused, there are a few minor plot holes (like why the heck do so many people on John Woo Land conveniently leave their cars unlocked and their keys in the ignition?) and anyone who has seen Jean Paul Melville’s Le Samurai will know that the plot is not completely original, and that the character of Jeff is more than a little ‘inspired’ by Alan Delon.

But hey. Aren’t all great movies flawed?

Lady Tequila’s Rating: 10/10


By Joe909

The Killer is still the best modern Hong Kong movie I’ve seen. The action is fierce and paced perfectly, the acting is top-notch, the directing is textbook perfection, and, just as importantly, the melodrama isn’t piled on very thick. I hadn’t seen this movie in several years, and, having just watched it again, I’m knocked out by how powerful and excellent it really is. All hyperbole and crafty metaphors aside, the Killer is a great movie. Even the soundtrack is great ? though I must admit that the melody which plays throughout kind of reminds me of the music they played in those old Juan Valdez coffee bean commercials.

The characters in this film are so mythic and larger than life that they don’t seem to live in our world, and the cast does a wonderful job of bringing them to life. Chow Yun Fat shines as Jeff, as does Danny Li as the Inspector. And looking cool as hell is the replacement killer who’s called in to rub out Jeff ? I don’t know the actor’s name, but apparently in the extended Taiwanese print of this movie the character is named “Frank.” This guy isn’t as developed as Mad Dog in Hard-Boiled, but what little we see of him (especially in the deleted scene featured on the Criterion disc, of him tracking Jeff and Li) only serves to increase his almost-inhuman menace. And to top it off, he’s the guy who blows apart the statue of Mary. I would say that one of my regrets in this movie is that we didn’t get to see Jeff and this guy go head to head.

Unlike Hard-Boiled, which is so long due to its extended bouts of gunplay, the Killer is a better-paced film with action setpieces that are just as elaborate as any others Woo has directed. The shoot-out in the church is amazing, of course, but so is the gunfight in Jeff’s apartment. And one thing that heightens the action scenes in the Killer over those in Hard-Boiled is that there’s an emotional undercurrent throughout each of the fights in the Killer: they aren’t just over-the-top shootouts.

On an odd note, the US commercial for this movie says that the Killer is a “thriller comedy.” Not sure who they were trying to fool with that one. Maybe this is where the rumor came from, that proposes that the Killer was intended as a send-up of crime films?

Hands-down my favorite Woo film, and my favorite Hong Kong movie.

Joe909′s Rating: 10/10 (all it needs is a digitized “Street Fighter” voice chirping “Perfect!”)


By Tequila

Spoiler review, but I’m sure you have seen it already. Ooh, controversy!

Yes, it’s true – The Killer is a classic movie that I almost dislike. I love the action, the acting, the direction and everything else – this film is brilliant and there is no doubt about that.

I’m not going to bore you with repetition of what everybody else already said and no, Numskull, I don’t watch Jackass, but this is what I don’t like about The Killer:

The colour scheme: I just hate that whole brown and white colour scheme! It makes the visual aspect of the film look boring and if you aren’t concentrating on the dialogue you will want to nod off to sleep because it just seems so dull.

The finale: Jeff gets his ass kicked completely! He doesn’t even get to kill the main henchman, let alone the big boss, and then just goes and dies. Sorry, but I was looking forward to seeing him do a bit more, as after the finale he looks like any old gunman with a bit of skill; not at all like Mark Lee in A Better Tomorrow who was basically a superman with a gun (I’m not going to count Tequila Yuen from Hardboiled cause he lived). He may have looked good in all the other shootouts but he was fighting against mooks, not people who take more than one bullet in the ribs to kill like Weng or Yau.

The way Danny Lee blames Jeff for his partner’s death: It was hardly his fault! The guy went in himself, Jeff had nothing to do with it and it just seemed kinda contrived to me.

Tequila’s Rating: My personal enjoyment: 6/10 Overall quality of the film: 9/10


By Alvin George

“The Killer” is a considerably better movie than “Hard-Boiled.” It has John Woo’s trademark shootouts and doves, but the shootouts are shorter and don’t overwhelm the storyline and the characterizations. I could identify with the story (Chow Yun-Fat wants to stop being a hit man, but must do one last hit to raise money to get corneas for Sally Yeh, whom he accidentally blinds during a shootout). And there are even car chases, so the action scenes don’t just consist of shootouts. One powerful scene has a statue of the Virgin Mary shattering into a million pieces due to the gunfire. As a Roman Catholic, that scene really shook me up. It especially helped that I know how the cool Chow Yun-Fat looks like now. Not all Asians look alike, folks. Recommended.

Alvin George’s Rating: 9.5/10


By Jonathan Yates

This film is the film that really got me into John Woo. It is good from beginning to end. The gunfights, direction, music and the acting are the greatest you will ever see, I promise you! The four leads (Chow Yun Fat, Sally Yeh, Danny Lee, Chu Kong) are all really great and I cannot think of one unbelievable perfomance in the film. Oh yeah, be prepared, because unless you are a real hardass, you will cry at the end. If you know someone who dosent think that Chow Yun Fat is the coolest man on the face of this earth, show them this film. Is there a cooler man on the face of this earth? See this film and I think that you will agree with me that there is not.

Jonathan Yates’ Rating: 10/10


By Perkele

The first time I saw this film I thought it was the best action movie ever. Now, when I’ve seen the flick numerous times I think it’s an over-hyped, over-dramatic though fun movie about a killer and a cop who team up to battle it out with the bad people. Now that I’m already pissed everybody off, I might as well tell you another thing than bugs me about this movie: the main characters. While beautifully portrayed by Chow Yun-Fat and Danny Lee it seems that they don’t have a life outside of this story at all! No past, no nothing! But no matter what, “The Killer” is a good movie. I’m not going to tell you why, because you can’t actually live your life as a movie aficionado without bumping into these guys who don’t have anything bad to say about “The Killer”. Check out “A Better Tomorrow” and “A Bullet in the Head” instead, I say.

Perkele’s Rating: 8.5/10


By Vic Nguyen

Perhaps the most acclaimed Cantonese language production in the west, The Killer is generally considered by critics to be John Woo’s greatest achievement. Chow Yun-fat delivers, yet again, another memorable performance as the moral induced killer, while Danny Lee shines as the cop who unexpectedly develops a bond with the man he’s hunting down. John Woo is at the top of his game, balancing out blistering hyperviolent action sequences (by Ching Siu-tung) along with strong melodrama and numerous instances which displays his patented themes (Christianity, morality etc). A perfect introduction to the world of Hong Kong Cinema.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 10/10


By S!DM

Definately John Woo’s most acclaimed effort. In short, Chow Yun Fat’s performance is brilliant as a hitman who accidentally blinds a bystander during his “retirement job.” The cop on his trail (Danny Lee), eventually becomes his teammate, and when they are placed in the same scene, action is bound to follow. Emotionally stirring, yet stunningly violent, The Killer delivers many explosions and shoot-outs, punctuated with scenes of intense drama. An instant classic and high-class action film, The Killer is the standard by which HK actioners should be judged.

S!DM’s Rating: 10/10

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Wheels on Meals (1984) aka Million Dollar Heiress, Spartan X

"Wheels on Meals" Japanese Theatrical Poster

"Wheels on Meals" Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Sammo Hung Kam Bo
Writer: Johnny Lee Gwing Gaai, Edward Tang Ging Gan
Producer: Raymond Chow Man Wai
Cast: Jackie Chan, Yuen Biao, Sammo Hung Kam Bo, Lola Forner, Benny Urquidez, Keith Vitali, Herb Edelman, Susanna Sentis, Wu Ma, Paul Chang Chung, Blacky Ko Sau Leung, Richard Ng Yiu Hon, John Sham Kein
Running Time: 104 min.

By Dan-O

First off, I’ve gotta say this: Benny Urkidez is a first class, gold star, collector’s edition ass kicker. He’s the guy who shows Hollywood weekend warriors like Nick Cage how to look like they know what the fuck they’re doing when they throw a punch. And while it pains me to say this, Benny would more than likely take Jackie out in a real fight. He never lost a match is his professional career as a fighter, and that’s like 50 or 60+ pro fights.

Yeah, you’re right… I’m gushing.

Now, whether or not “Inside Kung-Fu” magazine called Benny’s final showdown with Jackie in this movie “The greatest onscreen fight ever” is moot, because I don’t read Inside Kung-Fu, and neither do the majority of you who’re reading this. I know that if you heard that it’s because you saw that anthology “The Deadliest Art”, and not because you read it in the magazine. But if they did print that, then I would have to back that statement up, because I don’t think I’ve yet witnessed a more perfect one-on-one battle scene. Sammo may make the silliest fuckin’ movies in the world, which he does (if you’re doubting that, watch the “Lucky Stars” movies, and then watch “Mr. Nice Guy”, and then we’ll chat), but goddamn if he doesn’t direct a good fight scene.

Well, so far, this ain’t no kinda movie review; it’s just me running off at the mouth about isolated aspects of the movie.

Ok, the movie, as a whole, is patchy (which is typical of a Sammo Hung film). Sammo ain’t no Steven Spielberg when it comes to pacing or characters. However, he IS the Spielberg/Cameron of the fight scene. His fight scenes are always kinetic, intuitive, dynamic, ingenious, and so on and so on, and the fight scenes in ‘Meals’ have all of those qualities, but they’re spaced out a bit too far, save for the end. Specifically, I found the fight with the dork bikers waaaay too damn short, although it was spectacular in that slo-mo crane shot, but I ain’t tellin’ what happens, for those still virgins to this film.

The cornball stuff is cute, but gets a little “too cute” in spots. The female lead here is, as always, a friggin’ knockout, as any less just wouldn’t do in a HK movie. The story, well, I’ve forgotten it already. That’s how involved I was with it. Like I’ve said before, if you want a good story, watch Akira Kurosawa’s “Seven Samurai”, or the original “Jaws”. This movie is for fans to get their fight fix, maybe a couple of yukyuks, and that’s it.

There’s one thing that confuses the crap outta me…

How the hell did Yeun Biao keep his spine from flying out of his body like a cork in that stunt where, well, if you’ve seen the movie you know what the frak I’m talking about.

Dan-O’s Rating: 7/10 (Benny vs. Jackie finale scene; 10)


By James H.

What we have here is a fun movie. It combines the some great fights with some of Jackie’s funniest moments. Jackie & Yuen run are mobile restaurateurs who know how to kick asses. There is a plot in there, but I won’t bore you with the details. The fights are incredibly fast & furious! The fight between Jackie and Benny “The Jet” is now legendary. There were not too many fights, but the ones at the end are well worth the wait.

Jackie, Sammo & Yuen make a great team. I would love to see them reunite for a kick-ass action/comedy. The jokes are genuinely funny, the three playing off each other like the 3 Stooges and the Marx Brothers. Did anyone else notice that Sammo didn’t get ANY respect from anyone in the movie?

I’m glad Tai Seng is becoming a real video company. I saw the new re-release with excellent subtitles! The only time I had to hit the rewind button was to see Jackie’s moves over & over & over….

James H’s Rating: 9.5/10


By Ro

First the plot: Jackie and Yuen Biao are friends who run a mobile food van. They discover that Yuen’s father’s girlfriend’s daughter (got that?) is a pickpocket. Their old friend, Samo Hung, is a P.I. who’s supposed to find her and her mother. There are a gang of bad guys also after the women.

The emphasis in this picture is more on comedy (there are some really old jokes in it) than on fighting and action. The fights are few, far between and FAR too short until the glorious one at the end (more on that later). But have to admit, the comedy worked for me! I thought it was hilarious, mostly because of the incredible chemistry between the 3 ‘brothers’. I guess that kind of rapport only comes after 10 years of training, torture and starvation together. But, man, then they’re hot, they’re hot! The girl is only useful to give them an excuse to fight with each other. (OK, she’s beautiful, but couldn’t they get somebody who has talent other than being able to come out of a shower with full makeup and hair that dries in 5 minutes? She acts like somebody told her that using her face muscles would cause wrinkles!)

Although the fight scenes are short, they’re sweet, and the car chase is awesome! I admit to being prejudiced when it comes to car chases. I think nobody can do them like Hollywood. This one proves me wrong! And the idea of using the facilities of their roach coach as weapons ALA the Batmobile or Bond’s car was just brilliant! The final fight scenes with the 3 brothers all over the castle is wonderful. And of course, the final fight between Benny Urquidez and Jackie is a classic. I have to agree with all the hype – this fight is one of the best I’ve seen yet. And it’s not just because of the incredible power and skill of the two opponents. A lot of the credit has to go to Samo Hung for his direction of the scene. These men don’t just fight, flinging fists and chairs and feet at each other, they take time to size each other up. You can see the intelligence and purpose in their eyes, and you watch them plan their next course of attack. I believe that is what makes this scene so great.

Samo’s sense of pacing, which is noticeably lacking in the rest of the film (the song really has to go!), is spot on in this fight and makes this movie one of Jackie’s best. If you want to buy it, I recommend Tai Seng’s letterbox, subtitled version. It’s good qualities and the subtitles are very clear (I’ve heard there are a lot of bad copies around).

Ro’s Rating: 9.5/10


By Master of the Stick

Well, I finally got around to seeing Wheels on Meals, and it lives up to the hype. Trademark zany comedy, a skateboardin’ Jackie, and a fast-food van car chase are some of the reasons why this movie kicks ass. Unfortunately, the plot sucked, and the only way to make up for that would be with an abundance of fight scenes (like in Drunken Master). Wheels on Meals doesn’t deliver, and it sometimes drags between fights (It didn’t help that the dubbing was awful). The biker gang also sucked, although not nearly as much as the Rumble in the Bronx punks. Any shortcomings will be forgotten, however, when you see the final battle. While Jackie dukes it out in a stellar fight with Benny “the Jet,” Yuen Biao mixes it up with a standard bad guy, and Sammo Hung shows off his swashbuckling skills. All together, it just might be the greatest ending fight scene in kung fu cinema. Watch it!

Master of the Stick’s Rating: 9/10


By Marcia

OK, it’s pretty funny, but I have to disagree with some of the high ratings other folks give this film. For me, the best part of the humor is the (apparently somewhat real) tension between Samo and Yuen Biao/Jackie. They “act” like they’ve grown up annoying each other.

Various points throughout made me laugh quite a bit (e.g., Samo’s comment that elephants don’t climb trees, or his traditional two-sword style against a European fencer), and the fights at the end are some good action, but I’d have to say it’s only average overall.

Marcia’s Rating: 7/10


By Shazbot!

An OK movie that I don’t think lives up to its hype. The fight against the motorcycle gang was too short. Some good comedy and a high-tech van that seemed to repair itself after every crash (must have been inspired by Sheriff Buford T Justice’s regenerating car in Smokey II). While the final fight was OK, I was most impressed with a sequence with Keith Vitali and Yuen Biao. Keith chases Yuen up on a table, Yuen flips off and lands in an overstuffed chair avoiding a sweeping kick, then flips out of the chair over the table, twists, and lands on the couch as Keith does a flying kick where Yuen WAS and lands in the chair. One continuous shot! I replayed this slomo several times in awe. Better than any single JC shot, and worth seeing the movie.

Shazbot!’s Rating: 7/10


By Stockton22

Am I the only one who doesn’t like this movie? A year after the phenomenal Project A, the three brothers return for this surprisingly dull effort. While it is a pretty funny movie (it’s almost like a kung-fu version of “Dumb and Dumber”), I don’t watch Jackie Chan movies exclusively for the comedy. The laughs in a Jackie Chan movie usually serve to lighten up the mood to make the film more enjoyable, not to serve as the basis for the film’s entire entertainment. There’s hardly any action for the first hour of the movie, and the few action sequences that do come were over before I had the chance to sit up. Example, a motorcyle gang goes after Jackie and Yuen. Now, there’s four or five mean lookin’ thugs on choppers, this looks like it’s gonna be totally rad. Then they head for Jackie and Yuen Biao, who both jump and kick the guys as they ride in and knock them to the ground. AND THAT’S IT! THE FREAKIN’ SCENE’S OVER! ARE YOU KIDDIN’ ME?

There’s finally action in the last half hour, but even that is pretty sporadic until the very end. The much heralded showdown between Jackie and Benny “the Jet” Urquidez is pretty slammin’, especially with all the real blows that ensued during the filming. But I personally don’t find Sammo Hung’s direction very exciting. His fighting scenes are more realistic, but in this movie at least, it seems to come at the expense of the flashy theatrics we’ve come to expect from Jackie. Looking more like real life may be admirable, but it isn’t very thrilling. I live in New York City, if I want to see real fighting, I can just look out the damn window. And speaking of keeping it real, what the hell is Urquidez wearing under his shirt? Foam rubber? Thermal insulation? A LIFE JACKET? No wonder Jackie got mad when Urquidez really kicked him. And while I’m being totally petty, let me bring up the subject of Sammo’s perm. What the hell’s that all about? I kept wondering when he was gonna put on a single glove, do the moonwalk and get the whole Michael Jackson impression over with. Overall, there’s enough action that it’s not a bad movie. But on the whole, it’s a strenuously disappointing snoozerama.

Stockton22′s Rating: 4/10


By Numskull

I like Samo Hung’s humor and I like his fight choreography but by Buddha I hate his sense of pacing! It’s not as bad as in “My Lucky Stars” or “First Mission”, but this movie really has lags in places. It’s mostly for comic relief, but I prefer that in small doses when there are asses to be kicked. The best bit of the humor award goes to the bum taking a shit next to Samo Hung.

The best fight, of course is Jackie vs. Benny Urquidez, if only by contrast to the other stuff going on in the castle at the time. While Chan the man and Benny the Jet are going at it like a couple of mad dogs, Samo is getting slice and diced by the baron and Yuen Biao (wearing chem lab goggles?!?) is running like a madman away from some other guy. My reaction to this was pretty much the same as when Jackie’s hotel room gets broken into by these two Australian guys in “First Strike”, “What the hell are you running away for?!? Fight damnit!”

I didn’t get my mechanical bull for Christmas so now life owes me!! Grab one of them sword thingies and wipe his ass with it!!!! *sigh*… Maybe I’m painting an unfair picture of this movie…right before seeing it I saw John Woo’s “Once a Thief” (The original, not the remake), which surpassed my expectations, while “Wheels on Meals’” fell a little bit short. But that’s no excuse not to see the damn thing people!

Numskull’s Rating: 8/10

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Fist of Fear, Touch of Death (1980) Review

"Fist of Fear, Touch of Death" US Theatrical Poster

"Fist of Fear, Touch of Death" US Theatrical Poster

AKA: Dragon and the Cobra, Bruce Lee: The Legend Lives Forever
Director: Mathew Mallinson
Writer: Ron Harvey
Producer: Terry Levene
Action Director: Bill Louie, Aaron Banks
Cast: Bruce Lee (clips only), Aaron Banks, Adolph Caesar, Teruyuki Higa, Bill Louie, Fred Williamson, Ron Van Clief
Running Time: 86 min.

By James H.

There are few movies out there that are as shallow as “Fist of Fear, Touch of Death”. I can’t even begin to explain how insulting this movie is to not just Bruce Lee fans, but anyone who has every slightly enjoyed a martial arts film.

Madison Square Garden is the setting for the 1979 Martial Arts Championship, where a bunch of worthless actors/poor martial artists try to win and become Bruce Lee’s successor. However a good part of the movie is dedicated to a mock biography of Bruce Lee as told by announcer Adolph Caesar. It is made up of scenes from other movies. These scenes are not little scenes, but ENTIRE SEQUENCES re-dubbed to fit the plot. During this sequence we learn the history of Bruce Lee’s grandfather, and these flashbacks are simply a summary of some other un-named 70s kung fu flick. Also, the Bruce Lee scenes are in black and white, while the grandfather flashbacks are in colour.

There is absolutely no technique or style used in the filming of this trash. For example, there is a three minute sequence of handheld stock footage of New York at the beginning. What is the purpose of this? It’s the most nauseating footage I have seen besides “The Blair Witch Project”.

Other scenes in this movie, ones with Aaron Banks, Fred Williamson and Bill Louie serve no purpose whatsoever than to further and promote their own careers. Especially the fight scene with Bill Louie dressed as Kato. Not to mention the scene with Fred Williamson in bed seems like a scene taken from a low budget porn movie.

In short, “Fist of Fear, Touch of Death” makes 1978′s “Game of Death” look like “Citizen Kane”. Were the producers trying to insult Bruce Lee fans?

James H’s Rating: 0/10

Posted in Asian Related, Bruceploitation, Reviews | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Image of Bruce Lee, The (1978) Review aka Storming Attacks

"Image of Bruce Lee" US Theatrical Poster

"Image of Bruce Lee" US Theatrical Poster

Director: Yueng Kuen
Cast: Bruce Li (aka Ho Chung Tao, James Ho), Han Ying Chieh, Danna, Chang Lei, Chang Wu Lang, Bolo Yeung (Yang Sze, Yang Tze, Bolo Yang)
Running Time: 88 min.

By Joe909

Image of Bruce Lee isn’t the best Bruce Li movie, but neither is it the worst. The martial arts are better than any of his earlier flicks, but the ad naseum fighting, nonsensical script, and exploitative moments place it below such later Li classics as “Dynamo” and “Chinese Stuntman.”

But let’s get back to the exploitation. There’s more nudity in Image of Bruce Lee than any other old-school chop sockey I’ve seen. I’m talking full-on, Grade A, female nudity. And luckily, the featured actress is pretty attractive. The actress’ name is Dana (no last name; who knows, maybe she inspired Madonna), and cutely enough her character is named “Donna.” She’s the daughter of a crime boss, who’s littering Hong Kong with counterfeit US bills. It’s up to special agent Bruce Li and his shaggy-haired partner (a dead ringer for Conan’s pal in “Conan the Barbarian”) to stop the madness.

Li is introduced as he attempts to stop a suicide at the beginning of the film. Decked out in a yellow Game of Death outfit (complete with blue Asics Tigers!) that’s been modified with some sort of special forces logo, he rappels up a large building and tries to foil the guy. No luck, though; Bruce grabs the guy’s arm, only to discover too late that it’s a prosthetic appendage!

An original opening; most other movies would capitalize on this, maybe showing Li’s character going through some sort of depression. But after a quick sparring session with his hapless teammates, Li’s on to a new mission: namely, team up with his partner and tail Donna, who’s soon to arrive in Hong Kong from London. During a mission screening (in which we see that Bruce Li smokes!), Li and his pal learn that beyond the crime boss and his flunkies, there’s also a Japanese faction on the scene, lead by a very nonJapanese-looking Bolo Yeung.

What follows is a comedy of errors, as Bruce and pal prove to be the most inept undercover cops in the history of movies. Their assignment is to “quietly” follow Donna, but instead they openly tail her. I mean, within moments of her getting off the plane in Hong Kong, she knows they’re following her! And from there it just gets worse. I’d say this could be a parody of undercover cop movies, but the rest of the movie just doesn’t justify that theory; it’s just kung-fu mayhem all the way. One of those movies where fights break out at the drop of a hat. I wouldn’t say it’s as bad as a Bruce Le movie, but still, there are enough interesting characters on display to justify a little more character/plot development, and a little less “I’m gonna teach you a lesson!” fighting.

There are a few clever twists and surprises in store for viewers. Most notably, some nice scenes where Donna has a little fun with her pursuers (while she shows off her entire body for us viewers), and a little reversal at the end when someone reveals they aren’t who we thought they were. But beyond that, Image of Bruce Lee just doesn’t achieve the cheesy greatness of Li’s other films, mostly because it seems that the filmmakers were afraid to take a few chances with the story. They could’ve given us a nice ensemble piece with mulitple plots and only a few great fights, but instead they toned down the characterization and loaded up on the chop sockey.

Joe909′s Rating: 5.5/10


By Alvin George

I bought this video at a secondhand store. OK, so this is yet another Bruceploitation movie, with some guy named Bruce Li instead of Bruce Lee. But if you can get past the title, it’s actually a fairly decent movie. For one thing, it’s set in 1970s (I think) Hong Kong instead of some ancient Shaolin temple. The fight choreography, while not as good as that in a typical Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan film, is at least considerably better than that in “Slaughter in San Francisco.” There’s also a foxy Asian lady with Farrah-type hair who often goes naked. In all, passable.

Alvin George’s Rating: 5/10

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Chinese Stuntman, The (1981) Review Review aka Counter Strike

"The Chinese Stuntman" UK DVD Cover

"The Chinese Stuntman" UK DVD Cover

AKA: Counter Strike, Counterstrike, Chinese Stunt Man
Director: Bruce Li (aka Ho Chung Tao, James Ho)
Cast: Bruce Li (aka Ho Chung Tao, James Ho), Dan Inosanto, John Ladalski
Running Time: 90 min.

By Joseph Kuby

Groundbreaking New Wave Classic!

The Chinese Stuntman is a lot more than being some typical Bruceploitation flick. It’s actually one of the most important films to be made during the New Wave era of Hong Kong cinema – it brings over a surprising level of realism and maturity that previous films had lacked and which, at best, was rarely seen. Certainly in the martial arts genre, the film brought a new level of realism and maturity (unlike the surrealism and overly comic under/overtones which permeated previous offerings).

So this film should really be taken seriously on first viewing and its prominence should be noted. This film is wonderfully satirical and with Bruce Le as the assistant director, I think it’s fair to say that the less-inspired moments may have come from him and whoever else was assisting the director.

In fact, the only reason why the film is referred to as a Bruceploitation film is because on the UK DVD cover the film’s star (and director), James Ho Chung Tao, is advertised as Bruce Li – his original star name and one he applied to the previous film’s he appeared in (not that he ever intended to use it since he respects Bruce). Really, the only comparison he shares with Bruce is what other Chinese actors at the time shared with Bruce – they all wear a Chinese afro.

Additionally, the film features Bruce’s friend/teacher/student/actor Dan Inosanto, Dan’s Jeet Kune Do student John Ladalski (who can be seen in Jackie Chan’s Armour Of God), Paul Wei Ping Ao (the actor who played the Chinese interpreter for the foreign villains in Fist Of Fury and The Way Of The Dragon) and there are plenty of Bruce Lee poster/magazines which can be seen in the apartment of Ho Chung Tao (which brings to mind a scene in Sammo Hung’s Heart Of Dragon where we see this person’s apartment which prominently displays a poster of Bruce Lee) as well a verbal reference to the man himself.

The Chinese Stuntman is a lot more better than the similarly themed/titled The Stuntwoman directed by Ann Hui, starring Michelle Yeoh & Sammo Hung which started out promisingly but soon outstayed its welcome and become an utter bore despite good performances which came from the two leads.

The Stuntwoman lost its way when we were introduced to this comical looking Triad villain and the look of the action sequences which came from this plot-point took away from the realism and emotional power of the film. There was an annoying kid actor with a dated Elvis hairstyle and despite some moments of poignancy, The Stuntwoman was very ponderous (it was slow-paced, meaningless and lethargic). The story of The Stuntwoman became cliche as she fell in love with this film producer/millionaire type who turns out to be a playboy who eventually two-times on her.

Just like The Chinese Stuntman, The Stuntwoman has this room-mate who lives with her though it’s not as explored well as in this film. The Stuntwoman may have been directed by Ann Hui but that doesn’t mean to say that her movie was better.

The Chinese Stuntman explores more into the insights of the Hong Kong film industry, something which Ann Hui didn’t do with her movie. Moreover the film ends with delicious irony as we see these two contemporary-dressed Kung Fu actors fighting on a period Kung Fu movie set.

The action is innovative such as the way the camera tilts side to side as Ho and John exchanges hooks (punch-wise) that hit the other to tilt to their side. Their relationship is filmed (i.e. acted, scripted and directed) in a more realistic manner than the overly stylistic even stilted manner present in previous Hong Kong films.

Overall, a classic which makes one wish Ho had stayed to make more films. On the strength of Chinese Stuntman and The Gold Connection (US title Iron Dragon Strikes Back), he would have easily made films with Tsui Hark, Kirk Wong, John Woo, Johnnie To, Ringo Lam, Ronnie Yu and others. Perhaps making a name for himself in a genre outside martial arts (e.g. like how Danny Lee went from Bruceploitation actor to the obligatory cop and how Lam Ching Ying went from Kung Fu player to ghost buster). Ho left because he was tired of being associated with the Bruceploitation genre and being marketed as Bruce Li (though this film has him credited by his real name). In addition, his wife had died and prior to that she had made him promise not to make any more films (whether this was a dying wish or one that was done with no foresight of her death is not as important as the fact that it was a marital vow). Ho is now an owner of a Singaporean gym teaching students gymnastics and the ins & outs of film production.

Very good film!

As a footnote, from this point on I will refer to Bruce Li as James Ho, out of respect, since that’s what he preferred to be referred to as. The guy deserves it!

Joseph Kuby’s Rating: 9/10


By Joe909

Bruce Li (real name: Ho Chung Tao) could’ve been one of the big stars of Hong Kong’s New Wave film explosion in the early ’80s. Instead, he chose to retire, just as Hong Kong filmmaking was reaching its peak. Vilified in the past, Bruce Li is now openly admired by chop-sockey lovers. The facts alone endear him: he didn’t choose to be called Bruce Li (in fact, he fought against being called this from the beginning of his film career), he was a great admirer of the real Bruce Lee, he worked night and day to become a more realistic, on-screen fighter, and he experienced heartache; his wife of many years died of cancer toward the end of his film career. In fact, that, along with his continuing dismay with how international distributors were marketing him under a fake, disrespectful name, was what lead Chung Tao to retire.

But still, this guy made a ton of movies in his time, and though the early ones are terrible due to his lack of on-screen skill, later Bruce Li movies are some of the best kung-fu flicks of all time. He learned how to move quick, how to portray his own image, rather than cop the real Bruce Lee’s. Whereas Bruce Le and Dragon Lee were content to star in the worst crap ever, Bruce Li eventually took pains to ensure that his films provided sheer entertainment.

This film was both written and directed by Chung Tao, who for once actually got his real name displayed in the opening credits. Of course international distributors plastered the name Bruce Li all over advertisements, and this name is also displayed on the video release (actually, my video says that it stars Bruce Le, and even has a pic from Bruce Le’s Enter the Game of Death), but regardless, the name Ho Chung Tao shows up in the credits, and it’s his movie all the way.

The movie opens typically enough: a white guy walks into a Hong Kong kung-fu school and starts challenging people. He cleans the floor with them, until Bruce Li steps in and gives the gweilo a run for his money. This goes on throughout the opening credits, with fast-paced funk music throughout. Bruce Li beats the white guy (John) around for a while, but then the fight ends very creatively: a phone call comes in for Bruce. Excited, he tells John thanks, runs over to the phone, and finds out he’s been given an insurance job he really wanted.

We follow Bruce through his first day, and it’s really funny how damn much this guy wants to sell insurance. It’s like his entire life purpose is to fill this position. Unfortunately, this being a kung-fu movie, things aren’t so easy for Bruce. He gets challenged often and for obscure reasons by various people. After a hard day of work, he comes home to find John outside his apartment. But no fear, John’s hear to learn kung-fu from Bruce. And in another burst of creativity, John becomes Bruce’s live-in student and pal.

We’re treated to several scenes of John and Bruce engaging in bizarre kung-fu training, such as kicking at eggs that hang from ropes, or just your basic sparring. All, I might add, while they wear color-coordinated tracksuits. And also all while they talk about what’s going on with Bruce’s job. This gave me the idea for a TV show: it could be about a Chinese guy and a white guy who live together and train in kung-fu together, all while going through the usual sitcom bullshit. Like they could be sparring while they’re talking about their girlfriends or whatever. The name I came up for the show is Bruce And The White Guy.

Anyway, there are a ton of fights to cover up the hazy plot. Unlike early Bruce Li flicks, these fights are all excellent. The highlight of the movie is when Dan Inosanto enters into combat. Inosanto plays a cocky kung-fu teacher who’s hired to act as fight choreographer for the film Bruce is working on. Inosanto’s character is very gray in that at first he’s presented as evil, then he’s a good guy because he’s on Bruce’s side, but then finally he’s bad as he whips the floor with John and then takes on Bruce. Using his trademark escrima sticks, Dan proves that he could’ve been an excellent kung-fu actor. His fight isn’t as great as the one with the real Bruce Lee in Game of Death, but it’s pretty close.

I’ve heard that this and Dynamo are considered Bruce Li’s two best movies. I haven’t seen Dynamo, but I’d like to. Chinese Stuntman is a perfect fix if you’re melancholy for the good old days of Kung-Fu Theater.

Joe909′s Rating: 8/10

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Finishing The Game (2007) Review

"Finishing The Game" Hong Kong Theatrical Poster

"Finishing The Game" Hong Kong Theatrical Poster

AKA: Finishing The Game of Death
Director: Justin Lin
Writer: Josh Diamond
Cast: James Franco, Roger Fan, Sung Kang, Dustin Nguyen, McCaleb Burnett, MC Hammer, Ron Jeremy, Bella Thorne
Running Time: 88 min.

By Ningen

This is essentially a mockumentary which asks, “What if the greedy bastards who owned his footage actually wanted to realize Bruce Lee’s original vision for ‘Game of Death’, and shoot it the way it was intended?” Thus, a casting call is made for Asian-American actors who can fill Bruce’s shoes. The contenders include a pretty boy b-actor, a Vietnamese refugee, a wash-out who was mostly known for one-note characters, a Chuck Norris-type who’s actually part-Chinese and an advocate for Asian causes, and a goofy dope who rarely takes the initiative.

“Finishing the Game” goes for more than just Hollywood’s portrayal of Asians in film. It also covers their treatment in this country, sometimes in a vicious and ironic way, sometimes in a straight-forward way. What makes it all work is that Lin tries to have fun with the material. He doesn’t fall into the trap of lecturing or talking down to the audience; he simply points it out in an easy-going, albeit matter-of-fact, way. (I guess the closest similar approach I can think of, when I watch this film, is “The Boondocks”.)

The actors are believable, and yet unique, in their appearance and approach. It’s refreshing to see Asians who actually look and talk like Asians you might know, and not the “One ethnic group fits all” mentality which led to the recent casting decisions for “Memoirs of a Geisha”. Of course, the downside is that they look more like people you’d know, if you’ve lived in L.A., so you might not “get” them as well otherwise. Still, their performances are decent enough, that it doesn’t matter if you know them, because you can still relate to them on an impersonal level.

Plus, it also helps to have some familiarity with the martial arts movie scene of that time; but you can also simply accept it all as 70s kitsch-like much of Boogie Nights. My only gripe is that the story gets a little too melodramatic, as one of the aspiring actors, Cole Kim (Sung Kang), takes his relationship issues a little too seriously, and that slows down the momentum of the film. Still, it leads to a great climax, so it’s worth it to be patient.

When I attended the weekend premiere in L.A., I found out that ‘Game was shot in 19 days, but it hardly looks like it, possibly because Lin was able to get some free sets and clothes from “You, Me, and Dupree”. In spite of success, he still finds it tough to pitch non-white casting choices to producers, which is why he prefers the indie route. Lin also feels there’s a world of difference between Asian film and Asian-American film in terms of professionalism and success. However, he is happy that he’s been able to break down Hollywood’s perceived barriers for what is considered “appealing”.

Ningen’s Rating: 7.5/10 if you get bored with Cole Kim’s girl troubles, 8.5 if you think it enhances the story.

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Dragon Lives, The (1978) Review aka He’s a Legend, He’s a Hero

"The Dragon Lives" US Theatrical Poster

"The Dragon Lives" US Theatrical Poster

AKA: He’s a Legend, He’s a Hero
Director: Singloy Wang
Writers: Yi Kwan, Singloy Wang
Producer: C.H. Wong
Cast: Bruce Li (aka Ho Chung Tao, James Ho), Caryn White, Betty Chen, Ernest “Curt” Curtis, Joe Nerbonne, Fred Cargle, Li Won Chung, Elton Hugee, Jim Burnett, Kjell Wallen, Mark Ruth, Jack Nickelson
Running Time: 88 min.

By Joseph Kuby

There’s so much inaccuracies that it’s hard to tell if the filmmakers were being for real, trying to get a rise out of the audience or sharing an in-joke with the people who knew better.

Now I could write a sarcastic review like what Eric Clark (or Numskull as he’s otherwise known) did for his Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth review (or like what Keith Dixon did for his Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story review over at the Many Bruces site) where I list all the “new” facts I learned about the life of Bruce Lee, but there’s way too many “new” facts for me to list here so instead I’ll just list the pros & cons that The Dragon Lives has going for & against it.

The Dragon Lives is a funny film on its own terms but for me a lot of the humour stems from people’s reactions to the film or imagining how people would react to the film.

Maybe I’m not the only one with this opinion but I always feel that a film can be funny or funnier when imagining, seeing or hearing what a person would look like or have to say if they were to watch it. For instance if people were to watch this movie, chances are there’ll be various reactions to the film whether it be humourously derogative, cynically critical or just plain dumbfounded.

A lot of the humour in The Dragon Lives can come from how seriously people could take it.

There’s two ways a person can take things seriously. A person can take things seriously in that they’re viewing things from a serious perspective or a person can take things seriously in that they’ll impart a level of importance to what they’re discussing or observing. For instance, you might have someone like me who watches Wong Jing’s films knowing fully well he’s not trying to make a serious statement, win awards or change society through politically charged cinema but will take him seriously because that person might realize that he’s a very talented and underrated filmmaker who’s better than the average filmmaker. A more better example for this is Stephen Chow’s Shaolin Soccer. It’s a funny comedy but people took it seriously because they felt it was a very good film that was being mishandled by Miramax.

People who watch Dragon Lives are more likely to take it seriously in that they think what they’re seeing is true. Some of you may laugh at this but don’t forget that one of the reasons as to why the Bruceploitation genre was going strong was due to people’s indifference (ignorance) as to whether they were seeing the real Bruce Lee or not.

Again, let me illustrate some examples. There was one particular time when the UK TV station Channel 5 had aired Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story. After when it aired, there was this Indian friend of mine called Waqas who thought Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story was accurate and he actually believed that Bruce had a fight with a Thai extra during the making of The Big Boss, now this is partially true but it was never blown up to such outlandish proportions as seen in the film.

I have another friend, called Leigh, and he was telling me about how he saw this movie featuring Bruce Lee in this orange tracksuit then I thought “Finally, someone realizes it’s orange!” before telling me that, in said flick, Bruce was thrusting his fingers & fists through various shaped holes in this training machine which measured hits through light bulbs and meters, then I realized that he wasn’t talking about Game of Death but Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth. It was at this point I realized how the average person would react to a Bruce Lee biopic.

On further note, there’s this rental website I order films from, called Screen Select, where you can comments/reviews after when you’ve seen the DVD in question and when I looked at the Bruceploitation films available, there were all kinds of comments with one theme sticking them together: people go in expecting Bruce Lee only to find otherwise.

God knows what any of the above people would have to say about this flick!

Bruce Lee fans would go on about how Bruce is rolling in his grave, the average film goer wouldn’t get it, whereas film critics/historians might be able to look past the surface and appreciate its values. I think it’s fair to say that John Little would take The Dragon Lives as less lightly than Bey Logan. Fuck knows how Lee’s friends and family would react if they were to get their hands on this.

How I got my hands on this was through this competition that was held on the City On Fire forum back in early 2003 where the aim was to answer these factual/fictional questions about Bruce Lee’s life with answers that would make the makers of this film blush. I was one of the ten winners. The fact that I got it for free helped me to appreciate the film.

How Herman Cohen got his hands on this was back in 1981 when he decided that The Dragon Lives would be among his second* range of titles picked up for distribution through his company Cobra Media. Hence the references on the DVD and film itself that “Herman Cohen presents”. What grabbed his attention about the film was its quirkiness, horror elements (the eerie beginning & closing scenes and the training machine which haunts Bruce) and its hint of science fiction (the music that plays during Bruce’s knockdown at the Long Beach martial arts tournament and the training machine with noises that seemingly come straight out of Cohen’s sci-fi flicks).

Martial arts movies had something of a revival in 1981 thanks to the ninja sub-genre whose Western success was mainly due to Enter The Ninja therefore The Dragon Lives made enough money to ensure Cobra Media’s existence until 2002 when Herm unfortunately passed away. For those who want to learn more about Herm, go here.

The company who produced the film was Eternal Films, the same company who served as a low budget Golden Harvest for Indonesian Kung Fu star Billy Chong whose talent far exceeded their budgets in the same way Golden Harvest served as a low budget Shaw Bros. for Bruce. The Dragon Lives must be the biggest budgeted film Eternal Films ever worked on, even moreso than their Kung Fu Western (again, starring Billy Chong) called Sun Dragon (a.k.a. A Hard Way To Die).

However, I’m thinking this must have been a co-production as there are certain elements inherent in Bruce Lee’s Secret, namely the actor who plays Ho’s teacher and some of the Western actors (e.g. Robert Kerver {who plays a karateka in Dragon Lives} and the stoner I referred to in my review of Bruce Lee’s Secret). I’m also beginning to think there was a production manager who worked on both Dragon Lives and Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth as both films contain actor Sham Chin Po (here he plays a Thai fighter whereas in the other Bruce biopic he plays Bruce’s sidekick Butchie), the same orange tracksuit pants, the same novel concept of larger-than-life training apparatus and even the same footage (of “Bruce” riding a cable car in San Francisco – complete with some of its riders waving & pointing at the camera).

I tried to find information on the Western actors in this film but I couldn’t find anything. The only thing about the Western actors that’s worthy of note is the soundalike (if not spellalike**) Jack Nickelson.

What’s reassuring of the film’s quality is that we have Ni Kuang as screenwriter (though he’s credited here as Yi Kwan – alternate spelling of his name Yi Kuang). It’s hard to judge a script on the basis of a dubbed track but the dialogue has some gems and occasionally contains every bit of punch as the fights do.

Get this funny line for instance…

“You’re playing in an American movie here and if I want you to walk around with a chopstick stuck up your ass then you’re gonna do it boy!”

Ni does a good job of turning a well known life into an unpredictable narrative. How can you hate a script where you have a black karateka-cum-wannabe gangster called “Elton The Black Devil’s Fist”?

One of the other things that holds this film together is James Ho Chung Tao’s performance as the legendary Bruce Lee. Even when the film becomes too silly for comfort, his performance is the one thing that remains constantly dependable. I prefer him to Jason Scott Lee as I always felt that whilst Jay was a passionate actor who captured Bruce’s magnetism & intensity, there were times when I thought he was downright cheesy – something I wouldn’t describe Ho’s performance as such given the nature of the film. In a sense Ho’s performance in this film is like Lisa in The Simpsons, a sane individual in insane situations where said person’s sanity can be compromised. His performance in Dragon Lives is one of his best and a firm reminder that he was a very good actor.

The main highlight for his acting talents is the scene where he tries to hitchhike a ride to the Long Beach martial arts tournament, his agony-ridden face overridden with desperation clearly conveys emotion which pages of dialogue couldn’t match pound for pound or ounce for ounce.

The Dragon Lives could be categorized as a Tingsploitation flick as well as a Bruceploitation one. One has to remember that Betty Ting Pei was a very big, if controversial, movie star. Even though she was nowhere near as huge as Bruce, she was big enough to inspire movie producers to find the next steamy sex sirens and I think Betty Chen (who plays Ting Pei) looks so much like her that she could easily have made B movie sexploitation movies in Hong Kong, their similar names just begs for commercial exploitation.

Speaking of commercialism, there’s quite a lot of things this neat little movie has going for it. You have one of the best theme tunes ever devised for a film (courtesy of Anders Nelsson and his band Ming – it’s definately up there with the Shaft theme and arguably better than it) and you have dubbing which may ring a bell with certain generations of audiences. For older audiences, Bruce’s teacher (when seen in the pre-credit sequence) sounds like British actor Michael York and for younger audiences, the pre-teen Bruce’s voice sounds like the voices we’ve come to associate with the animated show South Park. The guy who does the voice for Bruce’s rival, boxer Sam Curtis, is completely miscast dubbing-wise but that only adds to the Mystery Science Theater 3000 feel of this movie!

If there’s flaws I had to list, it would be that when Bruce is having to be spanked on the bottom by a cane (due to the order of his teacher), you can see that one of the senior students holding Bruce down is actually using his hand as some kind of alternative padding to make sure the child actor playing Bruce won’t get injured. Another flaw is when Bruce gets knocked down in his fight at the Long Beach tournament and the referee starts counting down from ten to one, it’s hard to believe that the flashback that occurs during Bruce’s knockdown would last that long before him being able to get up before the culmination of the countdown and still fight.

This is also one of the few films where criticism of dubbing can be justified. The tournament sequence features some lines of dialogue that aren’t dubbed when Bruce is speaking to his cop friend. After these two meet each other at the tournament, the dialogue that follows is obviously ad-libbed (i.e. made up as it went along).

Which reminds me, there’s a continuity error in the storytelling (if not in the visual transitions from shot to shot) but it wasn’t something I noticed due to how astonishingly absorbing this film is. Bruce’s buddy is depicted as a cop then for no reason he ends up being a sports reporter. Before Bruce finds out about the tournament via newspaper and runs off to get there in time, his buddy is still depicted as being a police officer who seemingly has no involvement with journalism unless maybe the implication was that the cop turned to journalism during the time it took Bruce hours to travel there (due to little resources). But this wouldn’t explain why the cop/journalist is surprised to see Bruce at the tournament given their last encounter.

The Enter The Dragon sequence is a bit incoherent because when the producers arrive at the shooting location (after walking past these bushes) they’re shocked to see Bruce fighting one of the Westerners when for all they know he could be fighting them under choreographed circumstances!

My final complaint would be the depiction of Sam Curtis’ record breaking blow of making eighteen opponents fall to the ground with one punch, one of the “injured” combatants is seen to be smiling! WHAT THE HELL?!…..pffft…..some punch!

I don’t think the inaccuracies and missing “pages” of Bruce’s life count as flaws seeing as how you can’t put everything about a person’s life on film and I don’t think the filmmakers were intending to be authentic with how they approached bringing Bruce’s life to the screen (though a lot of the humour can come from imagining that the filmmakers were being for real).

There’s many ways this film can be viewed. It can be seen as a parody of the many biopics covering Bruce’s life as well as lampooning success stories. You could even say that the film is lampooning Bruce’s life – poking fun at how people tend to over-exaggerate Bruce’s achievements (during a montage sequence, Bruce is depicted as being adored by loads of American citizens like he’s a national sports hero and is displayed on the cover of Time magazine). But it doing so they’ve made the film utterly devoid of cliche which isn’t something you can say with genre flicks.

It even mocks Bruce’s attempt of portraying realism of on-screen combat (or at least there’s a passing swipe being made at people who claimed that Bruce brought no-holds-barred realism to on-screen fighting). When Bruce is depicted as making Enter The Dragon, there’s a dispute with Western martial artists about how stagy movie fighting is to which Bruce responds by saying they’ll film the fight for real. It’s as if the filmmakers are sneering at the mere popular notion that Bruce’s on-screen bouts played like real fights, with no sense of rehearsal or routine.

If this was any other movie or if this was done by any other director, the film would have been seen as completely sloppy but due to the unique spin that’s been played on the telling of Bruce’s life story it kind of works. The zaniness is part of the film’s appeal. It’s like the producer told the director and screenwriter “Let’s make a film about a guy whose life is similar to that of the real Bruce but without the facts restraining us from making unpredictable storytelling and popular entertainment!”; with that mindstate it’s easy to see where the filmmakers were heading with this. They wanted to give the audience a fun and entertaining film but with Bruce’s name connected to it to sell more tickets, thus by disguising it with a slim veil containing the letters ‘biography’.

At least with Dragon Lives, some of its weakness are turned into strengths thanks to the absurd quality of the move. Take for instance the Hollywood producer who shows a constant, if curious, interest in Bruce Lee. After the success of the Long Beach tournament, the producer walks into this room where a party is thrown and despite Bruce standing half a metre in front of him, the producer fails to see him – in that his use of sight is questionable (he’s as blind as a bat), he looks at the far end of the room first before searching the nearer end of the room he’s based in. It never fails to make me laugh each time!

There are hints that The Dragon Lives was intended to be comedy such as when we see Bruce conveniently training in a playground whose idea of fun concerns lots of vertical wooden logs that are more ideal for a martial artist’s or a Shaolin monk’s ‘playground’ than that of a child’s. In one of the scenes featuring this location, James Ho Chung Tao seemingly goes out of character and pulls a face towards the camera whilst making some gestures with his hands that are apeing the preying mantis style of Kung Fu. In the second scene where we see Bruce hitting the logs, they appear to be made out of metal if sound (when turned up a few notches) is anything to go by!

We even have a parody of the Shaw Brothers movie making methods when Bruce is seen to be negotiating with a Chang Cheh-style director on the set of what looks like a deleted scene from one of Chang’s Heroic Bloodbath*** pictures.

The Disney-style music that weaves in and out of the picture like a professionally trained boxer should be enough to tell you that this is indeed a comedy! If it weren’t for the bloody tournament sequence, this would be seen as a PG take on the life of Bruce Lee.

Regardless of its childish moments, the soundtrack contains one of the most original scores ever produced for a Hong Kong film (besides one cue from The Sand Pebbles that can be heard in Dragon Fist). I think Anders is one of the world’s most overlooked music composers. The theme song, alone, is that great (for some reason, I can even imagine Homer Simpson singing it) and I think Anders’ score has some very good moments that’s refreshing given that it was made in an era where music cues were rehashed by the dozen. I liked the piano melodies that played during two specific scenes: when Bruce hears about his offer to be in Green Hornet and the montage sequence depicting Bruce’s discovery of Jeet Kune Do. I particularly liked the first piano melody, it brought over a sensitive & sensible side to this sometimes chaotic and childish movie!

Bruce’s cop buddy gives new meaning to the term “Keystone cops” and there seems to be this allegory being made about Bruce Lee treat like a dog. Again, this is due to the way biographers, cinematic historians and perhaps Bruce give the impression that Chinese are treat like dogs everywhere. When Bruce meets his cop pal for the third time in the aforementioned park, the cop gives him some food in the same vocal and physical mannerisms a person would give an abandoned dog some food! (minus the handshake of course, hehe) Later on we see Bruce in his personal swimming pool when a Hollywood movie producer comes to negotiate with him; during the first part of their conversation the producer starts rubbing Bruce’s head and speaking down to him in such a simplified & broad-faced manner you’d think that the filmmakers were also attacking the very notion of ‘political correctness’ in society.

Much has been made in past reviews of the film’s comedic nature, there really are loads of comedic gems to choose from as far as personal favourites are
concerned. Let’s put it this way, there’s as much comic highlights as there are inaccuracies. In fact there’s so much comedic highlights it’s hard to list them all down which I think is the key to a successful comedy and a surefire way to test how good your material is, whether you’re a stand-up comedian, television writer, play writer, film writer or, fuck, even book writer.

Nowhere is this more evident than in the Long Beach segment of the film. The film’s primary comedic highlight is, without question or argument, the Long Beach martial arts tournament which is probably the quintessential example of how far from the film strays from Lee’s life. I mean since when did wrestlers (besides sumo) come to figure in the martial arts (besides grappling arts like Hapkido, Aikido and Judo). We have guys in capes and with beards that are shaped like upside down afros. On certain occasions, you’d think that ZZ Top or Jews were auditioning to play extras in a martial arts flick! (or wrestlers auditioning to be a part of the ZZ Top phenomenon)

We also have one of the most cringe-inducing yet rip-roaringly hilarious bonding moments ever captured on film. It’s when Bruce meets both the cop/journalist and this other journalist (a black sports writer). The way they embrace each other’s company in such an open, vivid yet non-homosexual manner (it has to be seen to be believed) even has some of the staff & fellow reporters in the background reduced to laughter! (with a few of them taking pictures of this joyous {that’s putting it lightly & loosely} and ‘friendly’ event)

There’s unintentional humour as evidenced by extras in the audience as it’s pretty obvious that they’re laughing at the hokeyness of the flick. Perhaps an exception has to be made with the Thai boxer scene since maybe the idea was for the audience to laugh at how Thai boxers have to dance before a fight. At one point we see a woman laughing in hysterics (complete with body actions than only be described as body shock….think electrocution). Then there’s a kid in the audience who looks like Michael J. Fox but more chubbier (puppy fat?!) and then there’s the multimentioned stoner.

I remember a commment on Bey Logan’s audio commentary for Game of Death where he said something on the lines of “If you look closely you can see the audience are not having a good time being extras!” but their reactions to the Sammo Hung vs. Bob Wall fight look like authentic reactions that an audience makes when viewing public professional fighting events. It’s very obvious that the audience in Dragon Lives are laughing at the movie (i.e. derisively) or playing along with it (i.e. overacting to the extent that it looks like they’re scorning the movie in a sardonic manner). Obviously Bey Logan has not seen The Dragon Lives hence his comments on the Game of Death commentary.

The tournament has a wildly contrasting, almost schizophrenic, nature to it. When we see a black karateka meet his ugly fate at the hands (or head rather) of a Thai fighter, we have one side of the audience who are crying, covering their faces and with looks of shock, appall and disgust written all over their face; then on another side of the audience we see people cheering & laughing almost like what they were seeing was a harmless & light-hearted event!!!

Okay, so the people in the tournament are a little bit nuts but what about the actual tournament itself?……okay, well when was the last time you went to a “big”**** martial arts tournament and saw basketball hoops, usage of flashlights (yes, vehicle traffic flashlights), war-time stretchers (complete with paramedics who look like they’ve just come out of a hospital), an announcer who looks like Groucho Marx and walls that advertise food stands in big capital letters like “FRESH MILK” and “ICE CREAM”? The tournament is a joke, no wonder the audience is laughing!

There’s also these types of buzzers & beepers that seem alien to the world of fighting tournaments.

The film has above average production values for a Hong Kong movie. We really get our money’s worth courtesy of some foxy 70s chicks (even more foxier than Linda Cristal as seen in Mr. Majestyk*****). Besides one or two hot chicks we see in the tournament sequence, we have one fine looking lass who can be seen on the left hand side of the screen when people are watching the televised announcement of Bruce’s defeat of Samuel Curtis. Heck, the actress who plays Linda Lee here is more of a babe than Bruce’s wife! (definately not what I’d call the girl next door)

In terms of technical production values, the film is a little bit rough around the edges so it’s not entirely polished, but it does succeed in telling the story and we get some nice usage of colours and out-of-control camera effects during the more crazy moments of the movie! (I especially liked the zoom-ins used during Bruce & Betty’s hot night of passion, kind of hokey but I dig it)

There’s a nice attempt at symbolism during the much-mentioned bout of sexual combat (hehe) between Bruce & Betty. I think the hot water/coffee image is meant to symbolize that Betty will be in hot water (metaphorically speaking) over Bruce’s death or that a storm is brewing (hence what’s going on outside the room) or that maybe the sex is the calm before the storm (the storm being a figure of speech whose double meaning is the death of Bruce Lee himself).

A lot of symbolism is shown through the imagery and verbal quotations of time (throughout the film) thus the coffee scene representing that Bruce is running out of time! I think this plot device of using time as a strong visual and narrative element is something that may have influenced Tsui Hark for Once Upon A Time In China 2 (something which is partially confirmed by Australian film critic Stephen Teo in his book Hong Kong Cinema: The Extra Dimensions).

I like the way the director did this neat little trick where we see all these magazines, containing the face of Bruce, thrown onto this unknown surface with the last magazine containing his face on the cover of Time magazine then all of a sudden we go past the frame of the photograph and we see Lee from going static to energetic.

I think one of the things going for this movie is its texture, there’s so much happening visually that I ended up rewinding the DVD just to pick up all the visual nuances (something I don’t usually do in regards to my movie viewing habits) e.g. I wanted to see all the various magazines Bruce was standing by just so that I could get a peek into 70s culture (but not through the eyes of some Hollywood producer but just 70s culture seen through its undiluted, unadulterated, untainted and ultimately purest form). It’s because of this that I noticed that one of the Westerners who walks past Bruce is a guy wearing a T shirt that reads “Have A Shitty Day!”

Just to go over the stuff they actually got right in this picture, I’m surprised they were right about Bruce’s feelings of Jeet Kune Do and Bruce’s over-training much to the extent that he became anti-social.

…and the stuff they got wrong? Really the question should be “What did they get right?” since there’s so much stuff they fluff up but I’ve gone through that already. Well, Game of Death is referred to as The Last Game. Bruce is shown to be pleased with the international distribution of his first three action films (something which, in reality, was the other way round). Bruce never admitted that he was a show-off and his master never lived to see Bruce after the completion of Enter The Dragon.

The funniest assumption the filmmakers make is that during Lee’s self-destructing period, Linda actually wanted Betty to help him! (I think it’s safe to say that Linda would have wanted the opposite)

…and since when did Bruce live in a Hollywood-style estate in Hong Kong. I know documentaries and biographies say that Bruce’s home in Kowloon was nothing short of a palace (for Hong Kong standards) but this is ridiculous!

The DVD has the audacious verve to say that Ho trained with Bruce Lee as well as confusing the plotline (and alias) for that of Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth.
Also, the biography featured on the DVD is wrong too.

Here’s what Carl Jones from the KFC forum had to say about this…

“I wrote that (horribly inaccurate in some places) bio/filmography on The Dragon Lives. At the time, Keith Dixon (creator of Bruceploitation site and weirdo) and I were given info about Mistaken Identity by a guy called William Wilson who claimed it was real. Unfortunately, we found out that 90% of the stuff he was saying/writing was made up. As it stands, Mistaken Identity is not a real film and we removed it from the site. Sorry for the confusion.”

Much has to be made of the similarities between this and Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story. We have the same over-glorified tournament sequence where everyone boos Bruce at first and when he springs back at the minute to fight a foe in the ring. We have the same idea of a Hollywood producer who betrays Bruce several times before coming to see him in Hong Kong to make things up with Enter The Dragon. Then there’s the notion that Bruce published Jeet Kune Do in book form. Eerily, there’s the training machine whose face resembles the demon seen in the 1992-made (though 1993-released) Bruce Lee biopic; though funnily there’s a point overbearingly brought across about Bruce detesting pig-tails.

But the reason for the many comparisons stems from one simple fact I almost overlooked about 8/10 into the typing of this review….Herman Cohen and Rob Cohen are related – father & son. So I guess Rob was either throwing several homages to his pops or his father gave him some of the “knowledge” he learned from The Dragon Lives.

If you’re an eagle eye when it comes to viewing anything whether it be films, paintings or photos then you’ll spot cameos of various Hong Kong actors, no-one famous but just regular faces you’ll see from time to time. Coincidentally, there’s three actors in this movie who appeared in another Bruceploitation movie that was made in the same year, New Fist of Fury. We have Hon Siu, Shih Ting Ken and Hau Pak Wai, I’m not gonna go to great lengths to describe their roles so if you happen to see this flick (and I don’t see why not) then check out this page to keep a note on who to look out for.

Ever so rarely in an action film of any kind, do you talk about the action as if it was the tertiary or quaternary****** element of a film. Usually it will be the primary or, at least, the secondary element of a film so the fact that it took me this long to get to the “How good the action is?” part of the review just goes to show you that The Dragon Lives can be viewed as a film as much as it can viewed as a martial arts film. To a larger extent, it goes to show you that an action film (particularly a martial arts film) can have many cinematic elements interspersed throughout if enough faith and patience is given by both the filmmakers and the audience! In the case of Dragon Lives, it shows the director had the brains, talent and overall deeper insight to deliver something that contained more than just one-way tickets to fight scenes.

As for the action itself, it’s not the most pleasantly shot action you’ll ever see nor will you confuse it for having intricate choreography this side of a Jackie Chan/Lau Kar Leung flick, but it is realistic and hard-hitting with impressive moves and cutting-edge moments of cinematography, which is something even the most ardent nitpicky naysayer couldn’t place a grudge against.

The editor for the film was a Westerner called Mike Harris. Editing is very important in an action sequence. Jackie Chan has said many times that it doesn’t matter if you have the best martial artist or the best director, if the editing sucks – it sucks! Of course things like camera speed, camera positioning and choreography are also integral. Thankfully, Harris’ work doesn’t have the usual editing problems usually associated with Western productions. His skillful, perhaps even masterful, editing reminds me of Sally Menke’s work on Kill Bill – their editing actually allows you to appreciate the fights in their visual splendour than wonder what the fuck just went on!

There are some fast-cutting techniques but they actually add a bit of distinguished flavour to the film rather than overwhelm it. Very rarely (apart from Sammo Hung’s Pedicab Driver) do we have a film where fast editing actually compliments the choreography of an action set-piece, though fight fans needn’t worry about seeing a non-stop continuity of blurred shots!

As for the choreography itself, besides a shameless rip of the Bob Wall vs. Bruce Lee fight reinvented between Bruce and Elton (where we see Bruce evade Elton’s flying kick with a kick to Elton’s groin), a lot of stuff on display here is fairly original like slapping an opponent’s ribs at both sides and one bit that impressed me was when Bruce was deflecting Sam’s punches repeatedly and quickly with the same hand!

As it stands, The Dragon Lives is a very good example of 70s pop culture and should be viewed as both as a historical artefact as well as a good film. Certainly, like 2001: A Space Odyssey, the film will come to be appreciated by hippies who will use it as an alternative to LSD. Very few films in the 70s were as warped and/or psychedelic as this! (unless you count Ken Russell’s films Lisztomania and Tommy – the latter which was originally going to be directed by George Lucas)

Really, The Dragon Lives is such a hallucinogenic ride that it could be easily compared to The Magical Mystery Tour and Head (some of the music heard near the end is reminiscent of Head). On a similar note, the animated Bruceploitation film The Story of Chinese Gods could be seen as Hong Kong’s answer to The Yellow Submarine.

Now if someone was to base their Bruce Lee biography on this…

* The Dragon Lives was picked up after Cohen after the success of Steel-Fisted Dragon which was one of the first titles he released under Cobra Media. To learn more about Cobra Media, go here.

** My own personal riffs on the word lookalike.

*** …or quinary, senary, septenary, octonary, nonary, denary. Words also exist for ‘twelfth order’ (duodenary) and ‘twentieth order’ (vigenary). But I suppose you get the point by now!

**** My attempt at pulling off a Rick Baker and coming up with a phrase used to describe Chang Cheh’s style of moviemaking which is equivalent to what John Woo did with his Heroic Bloodshed movies!

***** According to director Singloy Wang (who was also the co-writer of this flick), Bruce Lee was a big fan of Charles Bronson as can be seen if one was to look carefully for a poster of Charles’ face in Bruce’s office (this takes place in the scene prior to when Bruce accepts a ride {non-sexual that is} from Betty).

****** As in not a high-school gym ala No Retreat, No Surrender.

More on Anders Nelsson

Anders Nelsson was born in the U.S.A. and later lived in Hong Kong until his late teenage years (His parents were missionaries). He then moved to Sweden as he was required to do his military service there in order to retain his Swedish citizenship.

Anders Nelsson had already been a big popstar in Hong Kong, and Cool Candy’s band leader Einar Svensson tried to launch him on his new recording label, Anette Records, where Nelsson’s single became the company’s first release. Nelson also got to live with the Svensson family. The Kontinentals included some members from String Tones and Cads.

Anders Nelsson returned, however, to Hong Kong. His blond hair and blue eyes fit in well in Hong Kong.

Nelsson also recorded an album there together with a group called Inspiration, and one can assume there were even some singles released from it. Anders Nelsson also became a film star and enjoyed great success playing villains in James Bond-influenced films.

Anders Nelsson came from Hong Kong to Sweden. He showed up here in the middle of a winter cold spell. The first thing Anders said when he landed in Sweden was: “Brrrr! This is really cold! So this is what snow looks like.” You see, he had never experienced a Swedish winter and had never seen snow before, this despite the fact he was Swedish! How can that be? Well, now I’ll tell you a little about Anders so you can get to know him better.

Anders was born in California on June 10, 1946, of Swedish parents. He has only lived in Sweden a few months of his life.Ý For so many years Hong Kong has been his home. He went to school there (he took the GCE-exam, which corresponds to Sweden’s upper-secondary final exams) and, as well, became a top name in the music business. Together with his own group, The Kontinentals, Anders was Hong Kong’s most popular local band. The big breakthrough for Anders and The Kontinentals came with the group’s first single. One of Anders’ own songs, “I Still Need You,” became a big hit and went straight to the top of the charts. It even beat out such hits as the Beatles’ “Yesterday” (I guess it lends more credence to what I said about Anders being one of the best all-time composers).

When the offer came for him to move to Sweden, Anders and the Kontinentals were at the peak of their career. They had top billing at pop concerts and appeared often on radio and TV. But now the group had to split up, and Anders’ fans took this really hard. At The Kontinentals’ farewell performance at the Concert Hall in Hong Kong’s City Hall building, no one could hold back the tears. “It was really an amazing pop concert,” Anders says. “It was hard to sing. Everybody just cried.”

The day that Anders set off for Sweden, the airport was stormed by thousands of fans screaming: “Anders, come back. Anders, come back!” Although he had to leave, Anders was determined to pick up where he left off, starting up The Kontinentals again in Sweden. He’s a great guy, a bit shy perhaps but with a wonderful charm. Listen to his stuff, and then you’ll understand why he made it to the top so quickly. It didn’t take many of his lucky listeners long to realize he’s absolutely a world-class pop singer.

Now if only every single Westerner involved in Hong Kong film had set up their own personal site!

Jospeph Kuby’s Rating: 8/10


By Woody

By far the best movie I’ve seen in quite some time. No, it’s not “Citizen Kane.” Shit, it’s not even “Kickboxer.” It’s just a good, solid, funny Brucesploitation pick starring Bruce Li, my favorite old school martial artist. No, he isn’t the most charismatic guy, and yeah, the majority of his movies were shit, but Bruce Li just had a happy-go-lucky charm about him, and his movies reflect that attitude. Particularly this one. If you want to see an accurate account of Bruce Lee’s life, and you rent/buy a movie starring Bruce Li, you’ll get what you deserve, dipshit. If this movie were correct, Bruce Lee was a grinning idiot with some freaky death curse. I think this flick really benefits by playing off of Bruce Li’s charms instead of trying to fashion him after Bruce Lee. Even if that is who this flick is supposedly about.

Basically, if you are watching an old exploitation movie, you want to know what separates it from the rest. Well, off the top of my head…

- There is a great scene where Li is unable to hitch a ride.

- A never-ending wrestling match involving a tiny Chinese guy dressed as a Native American, who, after beating countless opponents, is thrown out of the ring by a really big Chinese dude with a Hitler mustache.

- Sam Curtis, the big, intimidating black guy, has a squeaky, high-pitched voice in the dub. One reason I will never be able to get enough of these old school movies.

- Never-ending sex scene with NO NUDITY! Must be seen to believed.

- Bruce Li at his absolute “aw shucks” best, either grinning widely or cracking wise throughout the whole picture.

- A comic relief fat slob cop. Great stuff.

- More than anything, the great disco soundtrack.

Peep the lyrics to the theme song: He’s a Legend, He’s a Hero

See his feet flying through the air like a hurricane.
He’s got hands of steel, and he always gets his man.
He’s a legend, he’s a hero,
He’s everything a man could be.
Little Dragon, he’s a hero,
He’s the man they call Bruce Lee.

He can kick so high, he can almost reach the sky.
He’s a kung fu king of the world and that’s no lie.
He’s a legend, he’s a hero,
But his life’s a mystery.
Little Dragon, he’s a hero,
He’ll go down is history.

Bruce Lee!
Bruce Lee!

He’s a legend, he’s a hero,
But his life’s a mystery.
Little Dragon, he’s a hero,
He’ll go down in history.

Bruce Leeeeeee!

If reading those lyrics dosen’t get you up, out, and buying the movie…hahaha….

And more than anything, it’s all in good fun. There is something so good natured about this particular Bruceploitation movie, it just had me kind of smiling. I’m not recommending this to the casual film fan, but if you are in the mood for some quality old school Bruce Li mayhem, this is the best I’ve seen in some time. Right up there with “Tower of Death” and “Image of Bruce Lee”.

Oh yeah, the VCI DVD is by far the best Brucesploitation presentation I’ve seen thus far…widescreen!

Woody’s Rating: 7.5/10

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Enter the Fat Dragon (1978) Review

"Enter the Fat Dragon" Japanese Theatrical Poster

"Enter the Fat Dragon" Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Sammo Hung Kam-Bo
Writer: Ni Kuang
Cast: Sammo Hung Kam Bo, Peter Yang Kwan, Meg Lam Kin Ming, Leung Kar Yan, Fung Fung, Lee Hoi San, Roy Chiao Hung, Fung Hak On, Ankie Lau Heung Ping, Luk Chu Sek, Chan Dik Hak, Chik Ngai Hung, Ching Chu, Huang Ha, Lam Ching Ying, Lee Hoi Suk, Tony Leung Siu Hung, Lin Ke Ming, Ling Ling, Sai Gwa Paau, Tai San, Wong Chi Keung, Wong Wai, Yeung Wai, Baan Yun Sang, Billy Chan Wui Ngai, Johnny Cheung Yiu Wah, Chin Yuet Sang, Chu Chi Ling, Chung Fat, Mars, Meng Hoi, Yuen Biao, Eric Tsang Chi Wai
Running Time: 100 min.

By Joseph Kuby

Watching this flick for the second time made me realize that I’d rather take this on a bad day than Bruce Le on a good day.

At first glance, the film appears to be a spoof of Enter The Dragon but when one looks underneath the surface it’s really more of a spoof of Way Of The Dragon with nods to Enter The Dragon and Fist Of Fury, particularly in the style of music chosen (like what Stephen Chow did in Shaolin Soccer for the opening credit sequence, Sammo does his own remix of Way Of The Dragon’s theme during this fight with stuntmen on a Bruceploitation movie set). With this film, Sammo makes several points about the Bruceploitation movie genre through the use of satire. Sammo clearly has an affection for Bruce Lee so I never felt he was lampooning Bruce as he was humourously referencing him.

In one scene, set during this party which takes place outside this villa, Sammo simultaneously piss-takes Drunken Master and Snake In The Eagle’s Shadow (like how the makers of the Shaw Bros. classic Killer Army threw a sly wink towards the Seasonal boys). Actually, the scene draws parallels with a scene in The Incredible Kung Fu Master* (another Sammo Hung flick made in the same year but released in 1979) where Sammo equates Kung Fu with food! On one side of the metaphorical tennis court, you could say that maybe Sammo was making a slam towards the makers of Killer Army by throwing back the tennis ball into their court with their dismissal of Jackie’s snake fist escapades. Once again, Dai gaw (big brother) comes to the rescue!

Heck, it’s probably more of a genuinely heart-felt and poignantly fitting homage to Bruce Lee in comparison to the so-called “tribute” flicks which have been associated with Bruce Lee’s name. Sammo does more for the preservation of the image and spirit of Bruce Lee than Jason Scott Lee and Rob Cohen could ever hope to. Which is no surprise since Sammo had first hand insight into being with Bruce Lee, on film or off. Alongside Peter Chan Lung (first guy to get hit by Bruce in Fist Of Fury and brother of Billy Chan Wui Ngai – the hunchback in The Odd Couple), Sammo had the most contact with Bruce Lee (except Linda & the rest of the family of course).

Unfortunately, the film suffers from a few flaws which kind of give away the low budget/independent nature of the film. The flaws of the film is that during some of the fights you can see people laughing. For instance, during the fight at this outdoor villa party, we can see Professor Pai, Leung Kar Yan, Lee Hoi San and the Westerner laughing as Sammo drunkenly wails on his opponents (which contradicts their opposition towards Sammo and their acting later on in said scene) though I suppose you’d have to be an eagle eye to spot that (i.e. somebody who pays attention to the background of a certain scene or someone who likes to look at other things besides the focus point of a certain shot).

When Sammo fights with stuntmen on a movie set after a disagreement about the way the Bruceploitation actor** is portraying him, you can clearly see one of the stuntmen on the floor laughing (it’s Chung Fat – crazy cat-fist Kung Fu stylist in Magnificent Butcher). I’m glad and somewhat relieved that I’m not the only one who spotted this, even someone on the Internet Movie Database spotted this too (though it’s not listed in the goofs section)!

A lot of people have miscontrued Sammo Hung’s intentions with casting Lee Hoi San as the black Karate stylist (when he’s introduced, the original subtitled version refers to him as a ‘harate expert’). Whilst it could be argued that maybe Jim Kelly, Carl Scott, Ron Van Clief or, fuck, even Steve James weren’t available or that nobody had the skill of Lee Hoi San, the truth of the matter is Sammo was doing Bruce a favour by taking the mick out of Hollywood and, to a grander scale, the Western psyche.

You see, Sammo was great friends with Bruce (they even had a sparring match which resulted in a draw) and their friendship took place a long time before they shot that scene in Enter The Dragon. Bruce had taught Sammo many things about martial arts and filmmaking as well as having great times together as they socially interacted with one another. As one may expect from such a friendship, facts were exchanged among the two about their backgrounds and future ambitions. Sammo was both shocked and appalled when he found out how humiliating it was for Bruce to face mockery from Westerners partially due to the Charlie Chan movies and Mickey Rooney’s role in Breakfast At Tiffany’s, so with Enter The Fat Dragon, Sammo was making a point by giving the Western filmmakers a taste of their own medicine! (“If they can do it and get away with it, why not us?”)

Heck, I’m black (or more precisely, West African, Czechoslavakian, French, Irish and English) and I wasn’t the tiniest bit offended, instead I was rather amused the first time I saw it!

If you want offensive humour in a Sammo Hung movie, look no further than License To Steal. Check out the following exchange between Joyce Godenzi and Agnes Aurelio…

Agnes: You look plump and butch. Wasn’t life wonderful in cell?

Joyce: Yes, better than you with sunburn like a nigger.

Racial-tinted humour notwithstanding, it’s not like Sammo directed or wrote License To Steal, he just produced it.

Even Wong Jing’s done more offensive humour like how in Sixty Million Dollar Man there’s a dark skinned FBI agent called Mr. Black Stone or even, worse still, in Royal Tramp there’s a scene where the main villain (Ao Bye, played by Elvis Tsui) has several women in his possession who are accused of being his accomplices, when Natalis Chan asks Stephen Chow why the black woman would be his accomplice (as well as a possible thief), the latter retorts “Even a black one couldn’t escape, they’re all the same in the dark.”

Though Jim Kelly was a great martial artist in his own right, the role wouldn’t require him to do much anyway. The stuff Lee does in this is nothing compared to what Kelly did in The Tattoo Connection besides maybe take more hits and thus give well-timed and well-acted reactions to Sammo’s blows.

For artistic reasons rather than politically correct ones, I would have preferred Jim Kelly because it would have the been the icing on the cake as far as Bruce Lee references are concerned. It would have made for a far more greater as well as longer fight had we seen the Black Karate stylist do more stuff, it would have probably been the best fight of the decade…”Sammo Hung VS. Jim Kelly”, it would surely have allowed the film to be picked up for international distribution much earlier and better…ah well!

Politically correctness has never been one of Sammo’s strongest points (if you were to equate political correctness with social acceptance), whether it be abuse towards animals or abuse towards women though he reasons that it’s more realistic as men aren’t the only ones who get hurt in his movies, but children, women and animals. I guess it would seem one-sided if there was a crime thriller where a psychopathic hoodlum would go all out on a male but would hardly do a thing towards a woman.

Feminists will probably slam Sammo (rather than the subtitling job) for the scene where Professor Pai tells his two cronies to put “it” down – “it” referring to the woman they’ve just kidnapped after giving her a drugged bowl of soup at the restaurant. I can imagine feminists throwing up their arms in the air over the near-date rape allegory as well as the way she’s placed in a box like an antique!

Animal lovers might get offended by Sammo’s introductory scene where we see him practising his Lee-isms on a bunch of pigs. I don’t mind it myself, with the way he was doing it, I hardly think they would have suffered from internal bleeding or anything.

Car lovers might be equally offended by a scene where Sammo mistakingly vandalizes a smooth-looking car thinking it belongs to one of the two crooks who have given his friend a hard time!

The only thing missing here is one or two gags relating to homosexuals. With that being said, did you know that despite it’s stereotyping of homosexuality, a selected few have stated that Sammo’s Pantyhose Hero is actually a pro-gay film and it was screened at a Boston Queer Film Festival in 2003? (no shit)

Whilst not hitting the same comedic high-notes of his later directorial feature Winners & Sinners or even My Lucky Stars, the script is still original, clever and sharply written (with wonderful sight gags that would make Wong Jing proud – trust me, it’s a good thing) thanks to the ever-so-reliable scribe Ni Kuang (a.k.a. Yi Kwang who played Sammo’s father in Skinny Tiger Fatty Dragon), who’s written so much notable stuff that there’s no room for it here, so here’s a link:

As in Skinny Tiger Fatty Dragon, Sammo uses the escrima sticks (or kali sticks) ala Bruce Lee in Enter The Dragon though whilst it was technically filmed better in his 1989 effort, his skill is more proficient and evident here. Same thing with his utilization of the nunchaku. Which brings us to the action, while the film shows us why Sammo was the premiere action director after Bruce Lee***, it doesn’t reach the same heights as his other work in the 70s (e.g. Warriors Two) and later stuff (e.g. Pantyhose Hero), it isn’t so much to do with the contemporary setting prohibiting the action as it to with the fact that Sammo wasn’t working with the people who made his fight scenes top-notch (i.e. fantastic) rather than just being great. The people, in question, being Lam Ching Ying, Billy Chan Wui Ngai and Bill Yuen Biao.****

The same thing applies with Yuen Kwai, Yuen Woo Ping and Lau Kar Leung. Yuen Kwai, by himself, is a good action director but he’s only at his best (very good) when he’s with Meng Hoi and Yuen Tak. Yuen Woo Ping, by himself, is a very good action director but he’s only at his best (great) when he’s working with Yuen Cheung Yan, Yuen Shun Yi, Yuen Yat Chor and Yuen Chun Wei (a.k.a. Brandy Yuen Jan Yeung). In theory, Lau Kar Leung’s fight scenes would be improved if he was to work with Lau Kar Wing but in actuality it’s been proven that Lau is at his best (great) when he has Lee King Chue and Hsiao Ho by his side. To be frank, Leung’s stand-alone abilities as an action director (very good) is such that Wing doesn’t add much to the ornate design of Leung’s quality set-pieces. If anything, it detracts rather than enhances Leung’s auteuristic***** sensibilities as a craftsman of martial mayhem.

Sammo Hung, by himself, is a great action director but he’s only at his best (brilliant/outstanding/excellent/fantastic/wonderful, etc.) when he’s with the aforementioned three assistant fight choreographers.

The action here goes beyond genre limitations and includes a wonderful sequence where Sammo incorporates a large gold ring/hoop ala Close Encounters Of The Spooky Kind to intercept Leung Kar Yan’s pole. Like any Bruce Lee-related movie (or 70s Kung Fu movie for that matter) there is a showdown where the hero must take on different opponents of a different fighting style (and even race – One Armed Boxer being the more outlandish example), but then again it could be argued that it’s a requisite idea that’s become apart of martial arts filmmaking in general – it’s just it was more obvious in the 70s.

People (or more precisely media students desperately looking for material to produce an article about product placement or people who are too over-analytical and read too much into things) will probably say that the finale is filled with product placement (with the Marlboro boxes stacked on top of each other along with other stuff), but I just say “Aw phooey!, it’s just a coincidence” – if anything, it just helps create convincing mise-en-scene.

The highlight for this film though, cinematically speaking, is when Hung takes on the stuntmen on this false Lee movie called ‘Death Appointment’. It’s a rip-roaring scene which makes the nature of the finale look like a tea party! It wonderfully portrays Sammo’s frustration over people’s attempts to copy & rival his friend and idol! The set design partially resembles the Lee Hoi San-guarded floor in Enter The Game Of Death (complete with the cardboard cut-outs which are supposed to simulate fighting targets). What’s also interesting about this scene is that the people used in this scene are the same as the thugs who trash the uncle’s restaurant, as if Sammo was to imply the notion that a lot of the stuntmen were working as Triads and perhaps vice versa!

Other good points about Enter The Fat Dragon is that Sammo, as always, is charming and lovable with an infectious innocence that not even the most youngest or pretentiously coyest of movie stars could ever rival or surpass. He looks as powerful as he ever has been in this film which helps sell his portrayal as someone who follows Bruce Lee. Though it’s not saying much, he makes Kurt McKinney look like a wimp…wait, that is saying much seeing as how Kurt is of a fairly slimmer and well-toned build. You’d think a fat guy imitating Lee would be the worst imitation of all time and lacking in clarity in technique, whereas it’s the other way round.

Like Van Damme (or any other action star for that matter), Sammo has his own trademark moves which he brings along from film to film such as the flying double front kick (as seen in The Odd Couple, Carry On Pickpocket, Winners & Sinners and Project A). Another trademark move (which he does in this movie) is when he counteracts someone’s kick by blocking, tripping them up and usually finishing them off with a punch (he’s done this in The Victim, Dragons Forever and the U.S. TV series Martial Law).

Co-starring in this movie is Rowena Lam (a.k.a. Meg Lam Kee Ming) who plays the rival restaurteur. She can be seen in other Sammo Hung films (i.e. Paper Marriage, Millionaire’s Express, Two Toothless Tigers and Dirty Tiger Crazy Frog).

Any movie with the legendary Roy Chiao is at least worth watching once! Interestingly, in the first scene we see him in, there’s a businessman who comes in to discuss with him about deals relating to South Korea and he looks A LOT like David Spade, the actor who played Dennis Finch in the American sitcom “Just Shoot Me!”.

It was also fun seeing Fong Hak On acting alongside his dad, Fung Fung, in roles which state otherwise.

I appreciated Sammo’s reference towards Chuck Norris’ chest hair in Way Of The Dragon. It feels like almost every actor has done that gag of swiping someone’s hair and blowing it away whether it be Jackie swiping a piece of Huang Ha’s hair in Drunken Master or Jet Li swiping a piece of Yu Cheng Hui’s beard in Martial Arts Of Shaolin. I think that fight scene between Billy Chow and Sophia Crawford should have had Billy grab some of Soph’s pubic hair or maybe vice versa. For those who want a sneak peek of said scene or just can’t get enough of Sophie’s beauty, go to this link I found at google.

What’s funny about this film is that it was made in the same year as Half A Loaf Of Kung Fu, starring Jackie Chan (who, as we all know, were former classmates at the same Peking Opera school), which was also the latter’s attempt at mocking Kung Fu movie conventions and stereotypes. Both share the similarity of having an opening credit sequence that both parodies and defies the martial artist performing in front of a blank background routine. Also, another thing used in the opening parts of both films is when the camera pulls back to see that the hero of the piece is taking on a much more smaller target than first perceived. One more similarity between both films is that they both share a dream sequence (involving someone idolizing about a goal or dream) with even the same Italian-esque music featured in the background.

Hmmm….I wonder if they were talking to each other at the same time both films were being made or if they either swiped the other’s ideas or perhaps collaborated!

Ironically, there’s another similarity between Enter The Fat Dragon and a Jackie Chan movie, the JC movie being Rumble In The Bronx (a film whose basic story resembles Way Of The Dragon). Just like in Rumble In The Bronx, there’s a scene where the thugs retaliate by smashing up the protagonist’s business.

Watching this film twice made me realize that Ho Chung Tao copied the gag of someone having to travel at great miles via menial means to catch a bunch of kidnappers, for his film Interpol (a.k.a. Fists Of Bruce Lee). If an analogy had to be made, it would be that Ho’s lifting of that scene is his way of saying “Back at ya, Hung Ching Pao!” as if to suggest that they’re on equal terms about the Bruceploitation tomfoolery! Akin to James Ho’s ‘Bruce Lee, We Miss You’, the chase scene in Enter The Fat Dragon predates and rivals Jackie’s opening chase sequence in Police Story (well, the second half of it anyway).

Just like Jackie Chan and Bill, Sammo also proved to be immensely popular in Japan (i.e. establishing a sizable fanbase) when Enter The Fat Dragon was released over there. Their individual popularities in Japan is what helped them (or rather helped Golden Harvest vice president Leonard Ho) to break box office records when they made films together rather than the films making big bucks solely because Jackie was in them.

Big Boss fans (yep, including you Jeff) would be surprised to learn that the guy who plays the eccentric professor/millionaire antique dealer is non other than Peter Yang Kwan (or Yang Chun)****** who was one of the two Chinese ice factory workers who get whacked when they refuse to work for the manager’s drug-trafficking scam. Peter was the yellow striped T shirt one with the small hair (the one who receives the hatchet to the head). Coincidnetally, he was in another film called Big Boss which was directed by Lee Tso Nam (who, if you’ve been keeping up to speed with my reviews, was the assistant director for Bruce Lee’s Big Boss) which also starred Danny Lee (who was in the aforementioned Bruce Lee & I).

Heroic Bloodshed fans may have seen him playing Andy Lau’s father in the Rich & Famous films (the sequel of which is called Tragic Hero – both films had Chow Yun Fat in principal roles) and who was also in Andy Lau’s Sworn Brothers (which had Sammo Hung’s action team co-ordinating the stunts). Stephen Chow fans may remember him as gangster boss Wei in My Hero******* which also had Kung Fu regulars Yuen Woo Ping and Pomson Shi in the cast.

Enter The Fat Dragon isn’t one of Sammo Hung’s worst or lesser features nor is it one of his best. It doesn’t possess the sheer excellent fight choreography or ground-breaking narrative structure of The Victim, it doesn’t have the same creativity of humour & all-round genius which permeated Millionaire’s Express, it lacks the overall cinematic quality of The Prodigal Son, it lacks the in-depth characterization & powerful themes of Eastern Condors (referring to the uncut version) and it doesn’t have the superbly superlative genre-mixing & powerhouse acting performances of Pedicab Driver.

Having said that, the film still shows what Bey Logan meant in the Game Of Death audio commentary when he said that Sammo was the true successor to Bruce Lee in terms of on-screen fight choreography. Sammo shows that, unlike many of the martial arts/action filmmakers of the period, he had the interest and talent to go beyond providing audiences wave after wave of fight scenes and gives us equally professional clout in the acting department as no-one comes off as a stinker in this. The story, no matter how episodic, still generates and retains interest. In spite of working with a budget usually associated with independent/underground productions, he surprisingly demonstrates a real directorial flair particularly through his intuitive eye for sight gags and keen ear for verbal humour. Though nevertheless the assured handling probably comes from his previous expenditure of directorial duties.

It still manages to be a mini-classic that mixes hilarious humour with dazzling displays of martial machismo. It’s definately one of the best martial arts films of the period, if not one of Sammo’s greatest movies. Whilst Iron Fisted Monk was more technically polished, Enter The Fat Dragon shows more originality and, in a sense, it’s the superior film which shows more of Sammo’s distinctive personality as a filmmaker.

No matter which way you look at it, Enter The Fat Dragon is superior than all Bruceploitation movies combined (perhaps save for Chinese Stuntman and Gold Connection). Hong Kong audiences seemed to think so, the film was a very big hit back in 1978 – earning HK$ 2,866,700 (US$ 369,369).

Kenneth (the below critic) is right, Sammo is one of the best things that cinema has ever come upon!

As a nice tidbit of trivia, the guy you hear on the bus-radio commentating on the horse race is no other than Eric Tsang Chi Wai (stocky funny guy who was in My Lucky Stars), who also can be seen with the orange specs at the previously mentioned villa party scene….which reminds me, there’s a joke about Gin in this movie, it’d make for a great double entendre if someone, in a film, was to equate Gin with Wong Jing like through a series of comical mishaps due to misunderstanding of what was exactly said!

* The Incredible Kung Fu Master is also a film where Sammo pays respect to Bruce Lee, though in the form of his philosophy about not adhering to one particular style of combat. Sammo says that whilst some people prefer one type of food over another, he likes everything hence why he’s so fat (or filled with knowledge) to which gains an amusing response from Stephen Tung who states that he hopes to be as “fat” as Sammo (Stephen, of course, being the kid who receives from that lesson from Bruce at the beginning of Enter The Dragon).

** The guy who plays him is action director Tony Leung Siu Heung (someone of whom I will discuss in greater detail for my King Of The Kickboxers review), who was doing double-duty in this point of time as an actor. He can be seen as the unlucky informant in Tattoo Connection and as the guy who fights Sharon Yeung Pan Yan in her show-stopping showcase moment in Duel Of The 7 Tigers. He was one of the main protagonists of 36 Crazy Fists, whose behind the scenes story concerning Jackie Chan is equivalent to that of Fist Of Unicorn with Bruce Lee. But even with Jackie surpassing Bruce’s fame in Hong Kong, there was not much Chansploitation going on besides only a few guys with similar names and a film starring Kim Tai Chung which was marketed as a “Bruce Meets Jackie” movie!

*** By 1978, Hung had so much clout in the Hong Kong film industry (he and his stunt team were regarded as the best in the business) that he was able to form three production companies – Gar Bo, Boho and Bojon.

**** Yuen Biao’s official English name is Bill Yuen whereas Bill Yuen Biao is his full name, like how Yuen Kwai’s full English name is Corey Yuen Kwai but his official name is Corey Yuen. Bill Yuen is the Anglo name people refer to him by, including when he emigrated to Canada. His alternate alias, Jimmy Yuen, was coined by Raymond Chow as a name to ensure international success (i.e. to do with him what he was trying to do with Jackie hence the similar name).

***** Auteuristic is an adjective for the French word auteur. The term auteur is given to those directors who have demonstrated some sort of originality, creativity and/or longevity (timelessness of quality).

****** Peter was the consultant for this film.

******* Leung Kar Yan was the action director, director, screenwriter and co-star of My Hero.

Joseph Kuby’s Rating: 9/10


By Kenneth T

Another Bruce Lee parody, but probably the best and closet thing that you’ll ever get to the legend. It sounds kind of funny that Sammo Hung would be the one to imatate Bruce Lee so well, but for all who has seen this movie knows what I’m talking about. Sammo Hung uses Bruce Lee’s Jeet Kune Do and does damn near perfect. He even throws in some kung fu ‘n there once in a while. Only problem there was that there are a couple of dead spots. But there are 4 or 5 fight scenes so you won’t be disappointed. Really good fight scene at the end against Leung Kar Yan!

Kenneth T’s Rating: 9/10 (Take it from me, Sammo Hung is one of the best things to happen to cinema period.)

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Dynamo (1978) Review

"Dynamo" US Theatrical Poster

"Dynamo" US Theatrical Poster

Director: Yi Hwa Hsi, I-Jung Hua
Writer: Chin Wei Lin
Cast: Bruce Li (aka Ho Chung Tao, James Ho), James Griffiths, Mary Ha, Feng Ku, Hoi San Lee, Steve Sanders, Joseph Soto, George Yirikian
Running Time: 90 min.

By Joe909

For the first half of the film, Dynamo is one of the best Bruce Li movies out there, certainly as good as his best flick of all, “Chinese Stuntman.” It has action, comedy, great kung-fu, and most importantly, solid pacing. Miles above the usual Bruce Li flick, which features pointless fight after pointless, numbing fight. But unfortunately, Dynamo just can’t hold itself up, and by the 60-minute mark it collapses into “just another Bruce Li movie,” complete with the aforementioned, pointless fight scenes.

Dynamo’s plot is very similar to that of “Chinese Stuntman.” In fact, in some ways it seems that Bruce Li (aka Ho Chun Tao) realized that Dynamo had some problems, and attempted to rectify them in “Chinese Stuntman,” which he wrote and directed. It’s a shame, because Dynamo could’ve been a great flick on its own. I laughed throughout the first half of the movie, and don’t think I was laughing out of derision; it was out of pure enjoyment.

Like “Chinese Stuntman,” the best thing about Dynamo is Bruce’s interaction with his only friend in the flick, his grizzled, hard-drinking teacher. The teacher might be washed up, but his kung-fu skills are still excellent. “Attack me whenever you want,” he instructs Bruce, “because I’ll do the same.” This leads to lots of surprise moments in the film, as Bruce will just be jogging around, or going about his business, but will suddenly launch an attack against the teacher, who is, of course, always prepared. The teacher pushes Bruce relentlessly, making him a better martial artist.

This wouldn’t be a Bruce Li movie if there wasn’t some weird stuff going on. Twice in the film, we get these extended fight scenes of some Bruce Lee-looking guy taking on opponents. First he fights some Japanese guys in a scene very much like that in “Fist of Fury,” and then fighting some opponents in the desert. Only then do we realize that this guy is supposed to be the “real” Bruce Lee, and Bruce Li is just thinking about him! Yes, it’s just as weird as it sounds.

Things go swimmingly until sixty minutes into the movie. Bruce goes across the world for various films, and is attacked everywhere. He goes skiing in Korea, gets attacked. He goes to America, gets attacked a bunch of times, even by a bellhop who pretends to be a fan. The scenes in “America” are really funny. This movie obviously didn’t have the budget to fly to the US, so they had to do a little improvising. When Bruce fights a black opponent in an underground parking lot, you can see on the door behind them a sign that reads “exit.” However, this sign is obviously handwritten, and taped to the door. Yep, just like in America.

Bruce’s girlfriend gets abducted, and he must fight an overweight monster of an opponent in a tournament. This fight is underwhelming and possibly the least interesting in the flick, even though it’s supposed to be the climactic, final battle. However, Bruce does wear a variation on the Game of Death tracksuit; it’s orange and white. He also wears the Game of Death tracksuit itself, earlier in the film, except the black stripes seem to be blue on his version.

Bruce Li is the best thing about the movie, as usual. His moves are genuinely fast, and he’s a capable martial artist through and through. I know I’m in the minority, but this is really how I feel: you can keep your Jackie Chan. I’d rather watch Bruce Li any day.

Joe909′s Rating: 6.5/10

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Duel, The (1971) Review aka Duel of the Iron Fist

"Duel of the Iron Fist" American Theatrical Poster

"Duel of the Iron Fist" American Theatrical Poster

AKA: Duel of the Iron Fist, Duel of the Iron Fists, Iron Fist Pillage, Duel of the Shaolin Fist
Director: Chang Cheh
Cast: David Chiang, Ti Lung, Guk Fung (Ku Feng), Lo Wai, Yeung Chi Hing, Cheng Hong Yip, Wong Ching Ho, Wong Ping, Wong Chung, Chuen Yuen, Cheng Lui, Chan Sing, Cliff Lok, Yuen Wo Ping, Yuen Cheung Yan, Fung Hak On, Hsu Hsia, Yen Shi-Kwan, Chen Kuan Tai
Running Time: 105 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Mr. Shen (Yeung Chi Hing), the head of an organized crime family, was on the verge of retirement when he was killed during a celebration. During the attack, his men – including his tattooed godson, Ren Jie (Ti Lung), and a mysterious new recruit called The Rambler (David Chiang) – still got the best of the enemy. But because the fatal fight broke out at a public restaurant, the remaining head members of Mr. Shen’s organization – mainly his bookkeeper, Mr. Gan (Chuen Yuen), and Ren Jie’s older brother, Ren Lin (Ku Feng) – had to come up with quick a plan to divert police from imprisoning the entire organization.

The plan went something like this: Ren Jie would take the blame for the killings and flee to the south (a la Michael Corleone in the first Godfather film) for a year, then come back when things settled down.

A year passes. As planned, Ren Jie heads back home, only to find things have completely changed. His older brother is now a drunk and no longer part of the gang. Mr. Gan, on the other hand, has pretty much took over Mr. Shen’s operation. On top of it all, random people have been trying to kill Ren Jie.

Ren Jie uncovers a conspiracy surrounding the death of Mr. Shen, which involves Mr. Gan and The Rambler. With the help of his drunken brother and his trusted friend (Cheng Hong Yip), Ren Jie sets out for bloody revenge.

Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers can eat their hearts out! The Duel (aka Duel of the Iron Fist) has a lot more stabbing and slashes than all the Friday The 13th and Halloween flicks combined – not to mention constant blood splurts – which can only be compared to Peter North’s talent, as far as liquid amount is concerned. The violence is tight and creative: at one point, a knife punctures through a wooden stool and onto a guy’s skull, followed by a kick to his head where he falls to the ground. Though the action scenes are swift and fast, keep in mind that they’re more like street fighting, than the usual choreographed martial arts moves.

1971’s The Duel has often been compared to 1972’s The Godfather for its similar themes. Some even say that Francis Ford Coppola stole from it (the same idiots don’t even realize that Mario Puzo’s novel came out in 1969, two years before The Duel). Other than the story, which revolves around “gangsters” – and the fact that the lead characters are forced into exile – both movies are a world apart. In my opinion, saying one ripped off the other is absurd.

I dug soundtrack. In addition to the mellow funky music that breaks in just before a brawl may or may not happen, we get to hear Richard Strauss’ intense “Also sprach Zarathustra,” which is a nice touch, but it’s a little hard not to think about Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey or even an Elvis concert.

The Duel is a well-paced, action packed tale that won’t disappoint. It’s the perfect example of Chang Cheh’s slickness. It’s also one of Ti Lung’s and David Chiang’s coolest roles together.

FUNimations new R1 DVD is sure to please all; it features both the Mandarin Chinese and English tracks.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8.5/10

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Expendables, The (2010) Review

"The Expendables" US Theatrical Poster

"The Expendables" US Theatrical Poster

Director: Sylvester Stallone
Writer: Sylvester Stallone, David Callaham
Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Eric Roberts, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gary Daniels
Running Time: 105 min.

By Ningen

So an Italian guy, a Brit knife-thrower, a Good Ol’ Boy tattooist, a black guy, a Dutch junkie and a Chinese guy ride into a garage… And the fact that there isn’t a punch-line to this concept isn’t the only thing flat about this flick. Sly plays the leader of a stealth team recommended by the Guvernator and hired by John McClane to save a Third World island from a military thug. Statham is his “confidante” who has to worry about his girl at home being faithful. Save for Rourke’s character, everyone else is just there to pull off the fight scenes and male bravado shit Stallone just happens to be too old for right now. Sly’s character, Barney, knows the score, and he knows he’s being set up for a mission he can’t possibly win. But a female native by the name of Sandra being held hostage and tortured compels him to take the risk, anyway. Unfortunately, Barney also has to deal with dissent and treachery in his ranks.

I genuinely wish there were more twists and surprises beyond that, but the script doesn’t stray far from that premise. Which means you can expect shit to get blown up, people to get cut up, and vehicles to get totaled. What you can’t expect is a good balance in screen-time between supporting players and main characters. Most of the people in the former category act as back-up or as “just following orders”- type thugs. Rourke’s character is the only one you really get to know of more, which is why you wonder why he doesn’t get any action moments, since he could easily take over Couture’s part and give it, and thus the movie, more substance. Li’s limited to Shortround-esque moments, but at least Crews and Lundgren do attempt to make significant impressions while going into Alpha male wrecking ball mode. I don’t like that there’s only one bad guy calling the shots, either. I’d rather have the Expendables up against more tough guys like Austin than a whole army of soldiers turned into cannon fodder. It takes away from the challenge if the team can get in and out so easily. That’s why Rambo IV worked so well, cus people in that rescue unit barely-if at all-got out alive.

The actual story for Expendables, however, is surprisingly less gung-ho, and more “balanced”. I wouldn’t call it “anti-American”, and Sly himself stated in an AICN interview that it’s apolitical. But the concept of people being used as pawns in order to uphold American business interests and/or our image abroad is surprisingly more realistic than you’d expect from a flick with its foot stuck in a completely different era of action. Plus, it openly condemns torture, even when the “good guys” are doing it. And that’s actually a pretty brave stance, given how nostalgia for and appropriation of those older flicks has diluted what these characters were supposed to stand for, as opposed to what they’ve been turned into by certain fanatical political movements. It also doesn’t pull punches-no pun intended-on violence against women, and for once, doesn’t make the white guys any more “noble” than the brown guys in that area. However, other than those latter moments, the film doesn’t have much more impact than a guy getting his ass slapped with a towel at a locker room in a gym. That’s not to say Expendables doesn’t give what you want, in terms of action. It just does so on fast-forward. Again, I’d rather more time be spent on the crew getting through the traps on the island than shooting the shit at home. But if you’re just looking for a male-bonding type of action flick where you don’t have to care about the details, then you won’t be disappointed with Expendables.

Ningen’s Rating: Action: 8/10 Story: 6/10 Overall: 6.5/10

To read a review for the Extended Director’s Cut, please click here.

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Office of the Dead (2009) Review

"Office of the Dead" US DVD Cover

"Office of the Dead" US DVD Cover

Director: Matthew Chung
Producer: Karen Shih, Teddy Chen Culver
Writer: Matthew Chung
Cast: Teddy Chen, Shawn Parikh, Christina July Kim, Robbie Daymond, Don Jeanes, Amelia Meyers, Jani Blom, David Goldman, Natasha Nov, Lynnette Li, Wayne Robbins
Running Time: 72 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

A company called Life Corp is working on a new, groundbreaking technology developed to “make people happy.” In charge of the programming is Ben (Teddy Chen) and Raj (Shawn Parikh), a couple of software engineers who have to deal with the typical office bullshit: their bad-tempered boss, phony marketing employees and Liz (Christina July Kim), their micro-managing project manager.

Trouble starts when upper management hires consultants to help straighten up the project in a more efficient manner. After a series of unfortunate events, most likely caused by the consultants, the software transforms most of Life Corp’s employees into zombies. What makes matter worse is Life Corp’s high tech security system takes effect, which leaves Ben, Ray and Liz trapped in a building full of flesh-biting zombies.

Like millions of others, I’m a huge fan of Mike Judge’s Office Space (1999). I’m even a bigger fan of the zombie film genre (particularly, George Romero’s zombie trilogy). And then we have the comedy/spoof takes, like Edgar Wright’s Shaun of the Dead (2004) and more recently, Zombieland (2009).

It’s safe to say that Office of the Dead is, more or less, a combination of all of the above. Shot in 18 days, with an extremely low budget, it obviously doesn’t carry the production values of a typical Hollywood film; but mark my word, it’s a well-made, smooth-paced, entertaining independent movie.

Office of the Dead is comedy first, horror movie second. There’s a lot one could relate to, especially if you’ve worked in a similar office environment. The mini-flashbacks were a nice touch, as was the subplot between Ben and his ex-girlfriend, Liz, who one-ups him by becoming his boss. There was definitely a lot of thought put into developing the characters, as it’s one of the film’s strongest points. The entire cast does an outstanding job (and when I say entire cast, I mean everyone) and all come across very natural.

For the most part, this is a very light-hearted film; so those looking for rated-R blood and gore might be disappointed. There might have been only a few frames of blood, but even then, it was cartoon-ish, as it appeared violet in color. However, like most good zombie flicks, what makes them appealing is not the zombies or the explicit visuals, it’s actually how the main characters interact and deal with the trouble surrounding them.

Considering it’s Matthew Chung’s first feature, who had no prior filmmaking experience, Office of the Dead is something to appreciate. Chung, an actual software engineer himself, decided to start writing screenplays as an outlet to dealing with the animosities of the office-cubicle work area. Hence, Office of the Dead was born.

Dialogue from the actual movie sums it up best:

“I have to say the team has done an amazing job, it’s always a treat when you have talented individuals working, but when those individuals work together as a team, the result is truly amazing.”

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

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Ip Man 2 (2010) Review

"Ip Man 2" US Theatrical Poster

"Ip Man 2" US Theatrical Poster

AKA: Yip Man 2, The Legend of Ip Man 2, The Legend of Yip Man 2, Ip Man II
Director: Wilson Yip Wai-Shun
Cast: Donnie Yen, Sammo Hung, Lynn Hung, Huang Xiaoming, Darren Shahlavi
Running Time: 109 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Don’t let the sequel-hating snobs fool you; “Yip Man 2” is one hell of a movie. It may not be as brilliant as the original, but it’s still better than 99% of the standalone bullshit out there.

This time around, Wilson Yip is having a little more fun and it shows. Let’s put it this way: If the original “Ip Man” was “First Blood,” then “Ip Man 2″ is “Rambo: First Blood Part II.” More action, less seriousness – but overall – very entertaining.

As with all follow ups to successful films, I’m sure there was pressure from the studios to pump out another “Ip Man” flick, yet Wilson Yip and his crew were able to pull it off without burying themselves in sequel hell (ie “Matrix Revolutions,” “Exorcist II,” “Speed 2,” “Staying Alive”… you get my point).

Sammo Hung, who worked as martial arts choreographer for both films, now has a major, on-screen role; as well as a handful of beefy action sequences. Thanks to Sammo, the first film is heavily noted for its fresh, crisp fights; with “Ip Man 2,” they may be down a tad or so, but they still hold the standard of the original.

I found it interesting how the final act is essentially “Rocky IV” in CliffsNotes form. I’m not sure if the similarities have been mentioned before, but it’s obvious that a lot of inspiration came from the Sylvester Stallone flick, and I’m talking right down to the Rocky Balboa/Ip Man speech.

One minor gripe I have with “Ip Man 2” is – with the exception of Donnie Yen and Xiong Dai Ling’s roles – the other returning characters have either become lame (Fan Siu-Wong is now a softie) or downright ridiculous (Simon Yam seems to be doing his version of Jacky Cheung’s character in “Bullet in the Head’). My thing is: if you don’t know what to do with returning characters, don’t bring them back.

Without spoiling anything, the last few minutes of the movie was a nice touch. It actually gave me goose bumps. It makes me want to see an “Ip Man 3” right fucking now.

“Ip Man 2” is not exactly a “Godfather Part II” or a “Road Warrior,” but it’s definitely a solid sequel that’s worth seeing.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

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Ip Man (2008) Review

"Ip Man" US Theatrical Poster

"Ip Man" US Theatrical Poster

AKA: Yip Man, The Legend of Ip Man, The Legend of Yip Man
Director: Wilson Yip Wai-Shun
Cast: Donnie Yen, Simon Yam, Lynn Hung, Hiroyuki Ikeuchi, Gordon Lam Ka-tung
Running Time: 107 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

I spent most of my Asian movie-watching life staying away from Donnie Yen’s films. I think “Drunken Tai-Chi” (his first major role, directed by Yuen Woo Ping) was the first of his that I tried. It didn’t grab my attention enough to watch it in its entirety, so I dismissed it as being lame. Then I gave “Legend of the Wolf” and “Ballistic Kiss” (both of which, he directed) a shot. Again, both lame. I hated the fact that he did that same flying kick in all of his movies; not to mention, the action was extremely under cranked to the point of comedy. Is this all this guy has to offer? If so, why should I care?

I’m sure the few titles I watched weren’t exactly his best films (until this day, I still haven’t seen “Iron Monkey,” or any of the “Tiger Cage” films), but I went with my gut feeling – and other than stumbling upon him in movies like “Shanghai Knights” and Tai Chi” – I decided to never watch a Donnie Yen movie ever again. I mean, there’s too much good stuff out there to keep on giving this guy a chance, so why bother?

In 2008 I started hearing buzz about a new Donnie Yen movie called “Ip Man,” directed by Wilson Yip (“Bullets Over Sumer”). I totally ignored it, and you can’t blame me since I spent time watching quality movies like Na Hong-Jin’s “Chaser” and Shunichi Nagasaki’s “Black Belt” — two of the best Asian films of the last 10 years.

In 2010, after getting re-obsessed with “The Godfather” films and some old Golden Harvest titles, I felt like it would be a nice change of pace to watch something semi-new, so I decided on “Ip Man.” After all, I had a copy sitting around for a couple of months. It wasn’t an easy decision, because in my mind I was thinking, “Another Donnie Yen piece of crap that’s probably overrated since I’m the only guy that has taste these days.” It also didn’t help that Hong Kong wasn’t exactly pumping out quality features. More importantly, I wasn’t ready for another movie filled with hype, since everybody loved getting it up the ass by James Cameron and his mega-overrated “Avatar” shit (seriously people, I’m still questioning your existence since most of you liked the “Karate Kid” remake).

Well, I’m 2 years late, but for what it’s worth, “Ip Man” is incredible. It’s definitely one of the best films (martial arts, foreign, or not) of the last 10 years. Everything about it is epic: the sets, the acting, the cinematography, the story, the pacing and even the cutie who plays his wife (Xiong Dai Ling).

The fight sequences (by Sammo Hung) are crispier than a 10-day old Rice Krispy Treat; faster than a typewriter on steroids; and overall, more entertaining than seeing Tila Tequila get pelted with rocks, bottles and feces by Juggalos. Even the use of wires was at an absolute minimum. I hate to put it this way, but as he was beating up the 10 Japanese guys in the dojo, I nearly jerked off and gave Donnie Yen’s face (and my TV) a cum shot.

Wilson Yip and Donnie Yen killed it.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 10/10

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12 Gold Medallions, The (1970) Review aka The Twelve Gold Medallions

"The 12 Gold Medallions" Chinese Theatrical Poster

"The 12 Gold Medallions" Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Ching Gong
Writer: Ching Gong
Producer: Run Run Shaw
Cast: Yueh Hua, Chin Ping, Wong Chung Shun, Lisa Chiao Chiao, Wong Hap, Cheng Miu, Lee Kwan, Yeung Chi Hing, Ku Feng, Goo Man Chung, Fan Mei Sheng, Gam Gwan, Go Ming, Hsu Hsia, Hung Lau, Jeng Man Jing, Kok Lee Yan, Law Hon, Lee Wan Chung, Liu Wai, Poon Oi Lun, Shum Lo, James Tien Chun, Tong Tin Hei, Wong Kwong Yue, Cham Siu Hung, Chui Chung Hok, Kwan Yan, Lo Wai, Ma Ying, Tung Choi Bo, Wong Ching, Wong Chung, Wong Mei, Wong Wai, Yuen Cheung Yan, Yuen Shun Yee, Yuen Woo Ping
Running Time: 102 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

General Yao Fei and his brave army have successfully held back Tarters, who are trying to invade China. But now, Prime Minister Chin Hui, an evil traitor, has another idea. He plans to have mercenaries deliver a series of 12 medallions, which are embedded with imperial orders that will put an end to General Yao Fei’s actions and have him executed.

The last hope lies in the hands of Miao Lung (Yueh Hua) and various freedom fighters, who aim to intercept the bandits and stop the medallions from reaching their destination before it’s too late.

THIS is a fucking movie, guys!

I swear, if every Shaw Brothers flick was this good, I’d have to get every single one. But that’s what’s so exciting about taking a chance with different titles, stars and directors: you’ll go through 2 or 3 films, maybe one that’s average and two that just plain suck – but at some point, you’ll hit gold! (No pun intended)

What I like most about 12 Gold Medallions is the fact that there’s not one dull moment in the movie. Whether it’s a unique sword fight, an introduction to a new character or some mini-situation going on, there’s always something keeping the entertainment level steady.

The next best thing about 12 Gold Medallions is the presence of Chin Ping. Don’t get me wrong, Yueh Hua is a bad ass, but Chin Ping is who makes the movie work for me – both in the importance of her character and the brilliance of her acting range. She plays a complicated patriot named Jin Suo, who goes through all-known moods a human (or should I say ‘woman’) could possibly go through – and the camera loves every second of it!

The movie is filled with inventive action sequences. Many of them are bloody and brutal (you ever see someone’s blood sizzle in a cooking wok?). As like most films of the late 60’s/early 70’s, some of the action/and angles are a little dodgy the effects are cheesy; but if you have any sense of time, none of this should bother you.

If you’re expecting top notch martial arts choreography, look elsewhere. But if you’re looking to watch a perfectly-paced Shaw Brothers classic with a great story and memorable characters, you’ll dig it for sure!

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 9/10

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JCVD (2008) Review

"JCVD" US Theatrical Poster

"JCVD" US Theatrical Poster

AKA: Codename: JCVD, J.C.V.D., JCVD – The Movie, Project: JCVD, Van Dammage
Director: Mabrouk El Mechri
Writer: Frédéric Bénudis, Mabrouk El Mechri, Christophe Turpin
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, François Damiens, Zinedine Soualem
Running Time: 96 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Back in 1988, I remember walking into a video rental store and taking a chance with an unknown, newly-released movie called Bloodsport. Not only did the catchy title of the movie interest me, but so did the odd image of some muscle-bound white guy, who sported a spandex-like Karate outfit – it wasn’t exactly your common martial artist’s attire.

Once I pressed play, adjusted the tracking, and got through a couple of Cannon Film preview trailers, it didn’t take long to realize that there was magic happening on the TV. To simply put it, Bloodsport was a phenomenon, especially to a kid in his early teens.

It was the beginning of the kickboxing boom and the arrival of Jean-Claude Van Damme, aka The Muscles from Brussels, who made the sport popular onscreen. All of the sudden, Saturday afternoon kung fu movies were a no longer exciting, ninja flicks were out of style and Chuck Norris was a corny joke.

It only took a year or two before the rest of the world caught on to this Belgian martial arts star. Each of his new movies released after the other became more and more polished. Roland Emmerich, future ID4/Godzilla director, experimented with him in Universal Soldier. John Woo, a living legend of Hong Kong action film, directed him in Hard Target (rumor has it that it was Van Damme who hooked him up with Universal Pictures). Peter Hyams, a critically acclaimed filmmaker, brought him to his peak in Time Cop. Steven E. de Souza, writer of Die Hard, cast him as Guile, in the live action Street Fighter movie, adapted from the immensly popular video game of the same name.

Van Damme was officially a household name, a box office champ, and held a career strong enough to go head-to-head with some of the Hollywood’s biggest action stars. In a way, he had a one-up on heavies like Stallone and Schwarzenegger; not only did he have the physique, charm and charisma; he also had the martial arts training, as well as the ability to do the splits and actually look cool in the process (well, back then, at least).

Then the late 1990′s came. Big budget movies like the self-directed The Quest was a box office failure. Hong Kong’s best were brought in to add a new edge in his films, like Ringo Lam’s Maximum Risk and Tsui Hark’s Double Team – both decent, but it was too late and the public didn’t care anymore.

People were now interested in the 2nd coming of Jackie Chan, who struck instant stardom in Hollywood, when his Hong Kong-made Rumble in the Bronx was re-released in the states. Chan’s hair-raising fight choreography made Van Damme seem slow, boring and antique. Chan did most of his own stunts, while body doubles were becoming more and more visible in Van Damme’s movies, even during the most simple feats.

Even Van Damme’s personal life was on the rocks. Domestic violence, numerous marriages, bar fights and drug abuse. You name it. The media had a field day.

Despite all his troubles, Van Damme was given another chance with moderately budget, theatrically released movies. 1998’s Knock-Off – which was again directed by Tsui Hark, written by Steven E. de Souza, with fights choreographed by Sammo Hung – was a cutting edge movie that was way ahead of its time, but its corny overtones made it sink at the box office and was panned by critics everywhere.

1999’s Universal Soldier: The Return was his final theatrical release, but it didn’t do so well either. By this time, Jet Li had followed Jackie Chan’s footsteps and was the new talk-of-the-town, especially after his impressive supporting role in Lethal Weapon 4.

Van Damme was now a has-been. From 1999 on, he made over a dozen straight-to-video movies ranging from decent (In Hell, Replicant) to embarrassing (Hard Corps, Derailed). It was amazing how a guy went from A-list action star to competing with Don “The Dragon” Wilson in the straight-to-video market.

This brings us up to 2008. As his latest straight-to-video movies were still popping up, teaser trailers for a strange foreign movie starring Van Damme began to show up online. Even more odd was the fact that it was called JCVD, obviously standing for Jean-Claude Van Damme. By the time the time a full trailer was released, it was apparent that JCVD was going to be unlike anything Van Damme has ever done.

Okay, enough with Van Damme 101, and on with the actual review of the movie:

JCVD is a French film directed by French-Algerian director Mabrouk El Mechri, and starring Van Damme as himself, a fallen action star whose career is headed nowhere, and he is about to lose his daughter in a legal battle with his ex-wife. To make matters worse, he finds himself in the middle of a post office heist.

The opening of the film has Van Damme filming a movie (within the movie) and features an impressive one-take, action extravaganza, featuring everything from his trademark martial arts moves to killing enemies using any means necessary – and it’s all him. No body doubles at all – at least, none that I notice. As soon as the filming is over, Van Damme is whining about how he’s too old to do single long takes. The Asian director ignores him and makes the crude remark: “Just because he brought John Woo to Hollywood doesn’t mean be can rub my dick with sandpaper.”

What follows are more jokes that are along the same lines, most of which are based on his factual career – including references to Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris and again, John Woo. Then there’s the conversations with his agent about how he needs a cash-advance from an upcoming straight-to-video flick he has yet to film – to pay his legal fees – because his lawyer is threatening to quit the custody case, due to late payments from Van Damme.

One of the most important scenes in the movie has Van Damme performing a six-minute, one-take monologue. He talks about his rise, his drug problems, his numerous wives and his fall. It’s a emotionally charged scene where he cuts his heart out and dumps it on the floor for all the world to see. It’s probably the first time anyone will notice just how good his acting can be. It’s so good that you believe every word he says – and every word that he says IS a true.

The best way to sum up JCVD is to think of it as Dog Day Afternoon meets Being John Malkovich meets E! True Hollywood Story. Don’t expect an action movie, because you’ll be very disappointed. What you can expect is a great performance in an unconventional, but very entertaining film.

Van Damme is definitely back. Not as an action star, but as an actor.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

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Karate Kid, The (2010) Review aka Kung Fu Kid

"The Karate Kid" (2010) US Theatrical Poster

"The Karate Kid" (2010) US Theatrical Poster

AKA: Kung Fu Kid
Director: Harald Zwart
Writer: Christopher Murphey, Robert Mark Kamen
Producer: Jerry Weintraub, Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith
Cast: Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Taraji P. Henson, Yu Rong-Guang, Wenwen Han
Running Time: 139 min.

By Ningen

An updated Karate Kid which should technically be more of a remake of the second film than the first film, it’s about a kid(duh) named Dre who moves to China, runs into some punks, gets beaten down by ‘em, and then, with the help of a maintenance man named Mr. Han, confronts them one-on-one in a kung fu tournament.

So, I turned in my man badge, and bought a ticket for Karate Kid 2.0, because I was told this film didn’t actually suck. Well, that’s true, if being mostly average, rather than absolutely crappy, is your measuring stick for quality. I actually don’t have a problem with Jaden, since everyone who’s saying, “OMFG! He’s a little black boy with corn rows!” lost their cred when they hypocritically over-praised a certain nameless movie with a little girl dressed like Britney Spears who uses words like “cunt” a lot. [And don't tell me it's not a race thing, because your asses didn't nearly go as ape-shit with the Hillary Swank version of the Karate Kid-and that was DTV acting right there.]

So, yeah, back to Jaden. He’s fine. His one-liners are flat, and his character needs more motivation to want to be in his new locale than just “dating” that “love interest”. [And yes, I'm aware the last KK was just as "minimalist" in its approach, but the situation was more run-of-the-mill, and thus tangible, while this scenario seems a bit more of a wish fulfillment-type deal.] Personally, I think the problem is that the movie needed a Chinese equivalent to Bill Zabka. In that sense, I think CJ 7′s the better kiddie film, ‘cus it had child actors who didn’t just act like bullies, but looked like ‘em as well. The supporting cast could also use some work. The actress playing Jaden’s over-bearing mom could be axed entirely, or at least put in the background. I was also hoping the teacher of the bullies would get into a fight with Jackie’s character near the end, sort of like that show-down in the parking lot in the second film.

Plus, the film tends to drag, because it goes into pointless sub-plots, like Han’s family life. I get why Jackie comes off a bit surly, especially after doing Spy Next Door, but the background info really brings the film down, when it’s supposed to be an underdog story. And it seriously needs to be tighter, even though it has the same running time as the original. Fortunately, the music isn’t as High School Musical/Glee-esque as I was afraid it’d be. In fact, they even insert some classic rock snips into later fights to appease old white “geezers” like myself. The fights themselves are sort of hard-core for their rating, but you rarely feel like they have the impact they should-probably because there are so many kids fighting in general. In fact, a scene where a martial artist stares down a (hopefully CG) cobra impresses me more than most of the other matches. [Too much "been there, done that" with the kids in Jet Li movies like Bodyguard From Beijing, I guess...] So, as a remake, Karate Kid’s ok. But it’s not really worth more than a quick Netflix rental. Though at least it’ll keep Will Smith away from Oldboy.

Ningen’s Rating: 5/10 – Story and characters. 6.5/10 – Fights. Overall – 7/10 if you haven’t seen the original films. 6/10 if you have seen the original trilogy and Sidekicks

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Corruptor, The (1999) Review

"The Corruptor" US Theatrical Poster

"The Corruptor" US Theatrical Poster

AKA: N.Y.P.D. 15 (Japan), NYPD 15
Director: James Foley
Writer: Robert Pucci
Producer: Bill Carraro, Terence Chang, Oliver Stone
Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Mark Wahlberg, Ric Young, Paul Ben-Victor, Jon Kit Lee, Andrew Pang, Brian Cox, Elizabeth Lindsey, Byron Mann, Kim Chan, Bill MacDonald, Susie Trinh, Tovah Feldshuh
Running Time: 110 min.

By Numskull

After seeing this movie, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. While not spectacular, it’s very solid in every way that counts, and after the abysmal Replacement Killers, Chow Yun-Fat was in dire need of a well put-together film with reasonable mainstream appeal to regain lost ground with American viewers.

It appears I breathed too soon, though, as neither The Corruptor nor CYF’s next U.S. film, Anna and the King, made significant impact. He had to return to Asia to make a movie that really delivered financially as well as artistically (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). So does this mean his Hollywoodization is a doomed prospect? Maybe so, but never let it be said he didn’t put some effort into it.

The Corruptor has unjustly been labeled an action movie. I suspect that this is not so much because the powers that be are aware of what brought Chow Yun-Fat to the dance (his collaborations with John Woo, mostly) but because American standards regarding what constitutes an action flick are all fucked up.

“Oh, look, a shootout. File under action.”

“Oh, look, a car chase. File under action.”

“Oh, look, that girl slapped that guy. That’s almost a fist fight. File under action.”

Well, The Corruptor does have a couple of shootouts, and it does have a car chase (a ferocious one at that), but these are plot points. Storytelling tools. The violence is not the focal point of the whole film. It’s a story with familiar HK themes of redemption, betrayal, and honor among thieves. Perhaps this is why it didn’t sell well to most Americans…it’s too complicated for them.

In the wretched pile of feces known as The Replacement Killers, Chow Yun-Fat had his first English-speaking role and was stuck with an absolutely clueless director. He just kind of coasted through the whole thing, trying to look cool and not trip over his tongue. Here, he is clearly much more comfortable with the English language and does some actual ACTING instead of just reciting his dialogue for the camera. There are a few “What did he say?” lines but most of his speech is quite sufficient.

Unlike Antoine Fuqua, director James Foley “gets it”.

CYF’s co-star Mark Wahlberg is a former rapper and therefore obviously has no taste in music, but his acting abilities really aren’t bad. The supporting cast, which includes quite a few Chinese, is remarkably solid. There are no performances that truly suck. Almost every character in this movie is a villain on some level, and most of them are suitably despicable.

Really, the only bad thing about this movie is the soundtrack. It’s loaded with rap and pseudo-rap, the lowest forms of communication ever devised. Mercifully, none of it lasts very long, and it’s generally not obtrusive.

No reason not to watch this one, folks. It may not be spectacular but it’s finely polished and it’s got heart and originality, two things Hollywood films almost always lack.

Numskull’s Rating: 8/10


By Yates

James Foley’s The Corrupter isn’t a terrible film. It is an American one. Don’t go in expecting The Killer, this is more along the lines of Year of the Dragon. One thing I really liked about the film was the acting. Chow Yun-Fat gives a wonderful performance as the corrupted cop, Nick Chen, and Mark Whalberg is fine in his role. The cinematogrophy is another plus, and so is some of the action. The few complaints I have about the film are that there are too many under developed characters and a rather anti climactic ending. If you liked Year of the Dragon, you will enjoy this film.

Yate’s Rating: 7.5/10


By James H.

“The Corruptor” is a step in a new direction for James Foley. He has never really directed an action film before. He’s made outstanding character dramas (“Glengarry Glen Ross” and the brilliant “At Close Range”), but never an action-oriented film like this.

The plot concerns a white cop, Danny Wallace (Wahlberg), joining the Asian Gang Unit in New York’s Chinatown. A veteran of the Chinatown beat, Nick Chen (Yun-Fat), takes him under his wing. Together the two try to take down the head of the crime syndicate, and learn along the way that all is not what it seems.

Foley’s directing has this almost hyperkinetic energy to it. There is some really beautiful cinematography. The car chase in the film is exceptional. It’s one of the more realistic I’ve seen in a while. It shows the consequences of the stray bullets. The violence in “The Corruptor” is quite graphic. It is in no way glorified and some of it will make you cringe.

I think this film failed at the box office for two reasons. First, I think people were expecting another “Replacement Killers” kind of flick. Lots of guns, lots of explosions and very little plot or character. This film did have a plot, and while maybe a bit cliched, it still worked very well. Also, the characters were somewhat developed.

The other reason is that Mark Wahlberg is in it. For some reason people look down on him because he was once leader of the Funky Bunch. Some people might have to face the fact that Wahlberg is a decent actor. His performances in “Boogie Nights” and “Three Kings were not just accidents. Wahlberg was able to hold his own on screen with Chow Yun-Fat.

The DVD put out by New Line is a dandy one. It has plenty of extras, such as a very interesting documentary on the making of the film. The documentary contains the original version of the car chase which is longer, bloodier and more violent. DVD owners are in luck, the disc also has the widescreen version, which is much better than the pan & scan. The sound is also very clear and crisp; the gunshots sound incredible.

“The Corruptor” is an American film starring Chow Yun-Fat. It is directed by James Foley. If you rent it expecting a John Woo-type movie like “Hard Boiled” or “A Better Tomorrow”, go rent “The Killer”.

James H’s Rating: 8/10

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Bermuda Depths, The (1978) Review

"The Bermuda Depths" US Theatrical Poster

"The Bermuda Depths" US Theatrical Poster

Director: Tsugunobu Kotani (billed as Tom Kotani)
Writer: William Overgard (screenplay), Arthur Rankin, Jr. (story)
Cast: Leigh McCloskey, Carl Weathers, Burl Ives, Connie Sellecca, Julie Woodson, Ruth Attaway
Running Time: 97 min.

By Alvin George

A live-action TV movie from Rankin/Bass Productions (the same company that put out the cartoon “Thundercats” and that deathless stop-motion classic “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”), “The Bermuda Depths” has acquired a significant cult following over the years. The main protagonist is Magnus (future “Dallas” regular Leigh McCloskey), a young white dude who was orphaned when he was a young boy. As a young adult, he is back in Bermuda after traveling around to various places. Jennie Haniver (Connie Sellecca, who would later appear opposite William Katt on the TV show “The Greatest American Hero”), a dark-haired beauty who had played with Magnus as a child, mysteriously re-enters his life. Magnus hooks up with his black friend Eric (Carl “Apollo Creed” Weathers) and an eldery marine biologist (Burl Ives, the voice of the Snowman in the aforementioned “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”) to help him with matters. Former Playboy Playmate Julie Woodson plays Weathers’ wife, while “Conrack” actress Ruth Attaway plays an old lady who has a disturbing story to tell about Jenny.

Helmed by Japanese director Tsugunobu Kotani, “The Bermuda Depths” is…something. I admit to being somewhat of a pushover for vintage made-for-TV movies. There has been “Black Water Gold,” “Hunters of the Reef,” “Contract on Cherry Street,” “The Hunted Lady,” “The Norliss Tapes,” “Terror on the Beach,” etc.

Curiously, none of the three principal black actors (Weathers, Woodson, and Attaway) seem to utilize a noticeable accent. Lou Gossett, Jr. utilized one in “The Deep”, another Bermuda-based movie. Weathers, Woodson, and Attaway all admittedly came from the continental United States, but so did Gossett. The special effects are not the best (this is a TV movie from the late 1970s, after all), and that giant sea turtle might evoke Gamera in some people’s minds (though I can’t say I ever really watched a Gamera movie). “The Bermuda Depths” is not bad, and there are some nice shots of Bermuda in it–not to mention an aura that’s eerie and ultimately downbeat. However, the story isn’t super-compelling, and the dated special effects might make this flick worthy of the “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ treatment.

Alvin George’s Rating: 6/10

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Year of the Dragon (1985) Review

"Year of the Dragon" French Theatrical Poster

"Year of the Dragon" French Theatrical Poster

Director: Michael Cimino
Writer: Michael Cimino, Oliver Stone, Robert Daley (Novel)
Producer: Dino De Laurentiis
Cast: Mickey Rourke, John Lone, Ariane, Leonard Termo, Raymond J. Barry, Caroline Kava, Eddie Jones, Joey Chin, Victor Wong, Fan Mei Sheng
Running Time: 134 min.

By James H.

Stanley White is a man obsessed. He is a Vietnam veteran, and a New York cop assigned to Chinatown. Moreover, he is a racist. His experiences in ‘Nam have left him jaded and hateful. He has a personal vendetta against Chinese, and wants to clean up Chinatown. He is obsessed with his job and leaves everyone else behind him.

White is played by Mickey Rourke (“9 1/2 Weeks”, “Johnny Handsome”, “Double Team”) with style and conviction. And for some reason, he looks like Bruce Willis. This should have been a career making performance for Rourke, but for some reason he has fallen into oblivion. He’s engaging and relentless in his performance. With Rourke, we don’t see any of him show through in Stanley. No one could have pulled off a better performance as White.

The supporting cast also does a terrific job, with the exception of Ariane. Ariane plays Tracy Tzu, a TV reporter who befriends White and helps him bring the underworld of Chinatown to the surface. Her dialogue comes across as very wooden. Come to think of it, most of her lines are just shouting at Rourke for being an asshole and a son of a bitch.

The other principle actor, John Lone (“The Last Emperor”), shines as well. He is absolutely brilliant as the sly and conniving young Triad Godfather. He always remains cool and composed. Lone is definitely something else. He oozes as much charisma as Chow Yun-Fat and Sean Connery.

“Year of the Dragon” can be found in most video stores under the Action section, which I think is misleading. There is some action in this film, but it is by no means an action movie. The film’s violence is quite realistic and graphic (blood spurts from gaping bullet wounds). The action sequences are kept gritty and low key for the sake of the story. The story would not be half as believable if the film featured outlandish, John Woo-like action scenes.

Michael Cimino (“The Deer Hunter”, “Heaven’s Gate”) keeps the film moving at a slick pace, and never really loses sight of its thought. It’s a very tense film, loaded with great dialogue (it was scripted by Cimino and Oliver Stone). The cinematography is very picturesque, and stylish. Also, David Mansfield’s score beautifully underlines the action on the screen.

“Year of the Dragon” definitely ranks as one of the best Triad films ever. It has some great performances and is a very powerful film. It is also a brilliant character study, dealing with Stanley’s obsession to fight his own personal Vietnam on the streets of Chinatown.

James H’s Rating: 9/10


By American Ninja Man

I really can’t say much about the over-complicated plot. I can say I enjoyed this movie a lot. Mickey Rourke plays the best cop in years. His personality is so cool – so hardened, so mean, so selfish and so racist; he’s just plain obnoxious and it sometimes hard to feel sorry for him. The supporting cast are good with the exception of Ariane, who sounds like she’s reading off her que cards throughout the movie.

John Lone, in my opinion, gives the best performance in the film. He plays the chilling villain; he’s surprisingly sympathetic and interesting. The showdown is built up to where nobody really knows who to root for and this is what prevents Year of the Dragon from being an excellent movie.

Year of the Dragon is at least 3 cuts above the usual cops/revenge stuff. Highly recommended!

American Ninja Man’s Rating: 7/10

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Tears of the Black Tiger (2000) Review

"Tears of the Black Tiger" US DVD Cover

"Tears of the Black Tiger" US DVD Cover

Director: Wisit Sasanatieng
Writer: Wisit Sasanatieng
Producer: Pracha Maleenont, Brian L. Marcar, Adirek Wattaleela, Nonzee Nimibutr
Cast: Chartchai Ngamsan, Stella Malucchi, Supakorn Kitsuwon, Sombat Metanee
Running Time: 110 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Bravo, Wisit Sasanatieng!!!

Tears of the Black Tiger is a Thai Western flick, a romance-drama and an ultra violent spectacle all rolled into one; But here’s the kicker – it was filmed in black and white, then artificially colored, tinted and tweaked to make it look like a classic 1950′s classic Thai film.

It’s not all retro, though. There are zooms, extreme bullet close-ups, and all sorts of cinematic surprises that pop up out of nowhere.

The result: a catchy piece of innovative entertainment that’s years ahead of its time.

You can just feel the creative energy throughout its 110 minute duration; And just when you think you’ve think the visual novelty has reached its maximum potential, the next scene happens and your appreciation is renewed all over again.

There’s something for everyone — old folks will appreciate it because it looks like a movie of their time. Women will enjoy it because of the heart warming love story. Action fans will dig the pleasant amount of action and explicit violence. And if you’re cool enough to let some kids watch it, they’ll be glued to the screen in deep fascination.

Keep in mind that a lot of the scenes are intentionally campy, cartoonish and may go over people’s heads. Even then, they’ll realize how good this film works.

Tears of the Black Tiger is one of those movies that promises everything you see in the trailer and a lot more.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10 (10/10 if you pause any shot with Stella Malucchi’s face)


By Ningen

The title refers to the name of a bandit who parted ways with his childhood friend Rumpooey, but still holds her close to his heart. The ‘tiger comes from a working-class background, while his main squeeze is loaded. Unfortunately, those class differences are what separate the pair for years-until they meet again in college. Dum(the Black Tiger’s real name) is initially reluctant to talk to Rumpooey, due to a childhood injury he received protecting her. Unfortunately, he’s forced to “reveal” his identity, when she once again gets attacked by the same gang. Adding to that misfortune is that Dum is kicked out of college, and winds up joining a gang himself. The group he’s in commits armed robberies. When they’re not stealing, they kill squealers. When Dum is forced to kill Rumpooey’s new fiance, Captain Kumjorn, he lets him go, but has to contend with a gang that’s turned on him, and a police force which doesn’t trust him.

I can clearly understand why Miramax buried this gem for so many years: people would find out that Kill Bill “borrowed” its color scheme. While ‘Tiger admittedly swipes action from Woo and Lam, too, at least you can tell it’s its own film. From the ethnic wedding outfits to the lily ponds, no expense is spared on creating the sense of a different world which isn’t quite a traditional Western, but isn’t quite a traditional interpretation of Thailand, either. For example, bazookas are included in gun-fights, and churches and Buddhist statues are equally used for ceremonies.

And the back-drops are so gorgeous and full of detail, that even the ones you know are fake look too good for you to care! The music is very emotional and adds to the atmosphere. The camera-work is very slow, but sweet, allowing you to absorb the settings without getting tired of them.

The dialogue is a little bit on the hammy side, because of the way characters drawl when they walk. In addition, the gratuitous violence is casually mixed in with more “quaint” settings. But the drama more than makes up for the campy side of this film. It’s just amazing how much depth you get from such intentionally two-dimensional caricatures and scenes. (One of whom has a moustache painted on his face!) It probably helps that-unlike most movies nowadays-there’s no subtext, no sub-plots, and the violence isn’t milked so much(i.e. shock and awe) that it becomes snuff. You just get normal people who aren’t slackers or wise-cracking gangsters, but who nonetheless have important desires and motivations which help them break them out of their molds. I wish more “indie” films were this deep.

Tears of a Black Tiger is an art film, an homage and a cult film rolled into one. But what makes it work where other similar movies would fail [I'm looking at you, Sky Captain and Grindhouse!] is that it doesn’t let the genres it’s referencing drag down the story. I can “get” the joke and still enjoy what’s happening on-screen, not have to worry about whether I “know” what the’s director seen in the past.

Ningen’s Rating: 10/10 for the visuals; 6/10 for originality; 9/10 for the characters; 8/10 total

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13: Game of Death (2006) Review

"13: Game of Death" UK DVD Cover

"13: Game of Death" UK DVD Cover

AKA: 13 Beloved, 13 Game Sayong, Thirteen Game of Death
Director: Chookiat Sakveerakul (Chukiat Sakveerakul)
Writer: Chookiat Sakveerakul, Eakasit Thairaat
Producer: Prachya Pinkaew, Sukanya Vongsthapat
Cast: Krissada Sukosol, Sarunyoo Wongkrachang, Achita Sikamana
Running Time: 109 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Chit is a young salesman who is experiencing rough times: His girlfriend just left him, he’s in serious debt and his car has just been repossessed because of late payments. To make matters worse, he comes into work to find out that his company is letting him go because of his poor sales performance.

One day, Chit gets a mysterious call from a cell phone-based “game show” that offers him the chance to take part in a contest where he can win $100 million dollars. The rules are simple: He has to complete 13 tasks given by an automated operator. With each task he completes, large sums of the money are instantly deposited into his account.

Though the first few tasks are easy and fun (ie “kill the fly that’s buzzing around you with a newspaper”), the ones that come later become less appealing, gruesome and deadly; and just when you think the tasks can’t get any worse, they do.

13: Game of Death (mostly known as “13 Beloved”) is a pleaser from start to finish. I was always in suspense at what – or how freaky – the next challenge would be. Even though the film relies mostly on gore and shock value, there are surprising turns that play an important part into the plot.

13: Game of Death is definitely a great change from the typical horror/ghost movies that Asian film directors have been pumping out. Give it a shot. If anything, it’s a decent R-rated popcorn flick.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 7/10

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Crazy Thunder Road (1980) Review

"Crazy Thunder Road" Japanese DVD Cover

"Crazy Thunder Road" Japanese DVD Cover

Director: Sogo Ishii
Cast: Tatsuo Yamada, Masamitsu Oike, Toshiji Kobayashi, Koji Nanjo
Running Time: 90 min.

By Joe909

As of this writing, I’m 27 years old, and I’ve realized through the wisdom of age that one shouldn’t get too excited to see a movie; you’re generally bound to be let down by it, if you do. Well, after reading a tremendously positive review for Crazy Thunder Road on Teleport-City.com a year ago, I got so excited to see this movie that I’ve spent the past twelve months searching for it. I envisioned an apocalyptic, balls-to-the-wall, pure rock n’ roll action extravaganza. What I got was just your basic, tedious, talky Japanese film.

I’ve never liked Japanese movies. Matter of fact, I hate most of them. This isn’t just a thoughtless hatred. I lived in Japan for a time, spent a few semesters of college there, and also studied the language throughout high school and part of college itself. Throughout these periods I watched many Japanese movies, in order to gain a better understanding of the language and culture. Other than “Tetsuo 2,” every damn movie I saw was a dud. Boring, slow-paced, high on exposition and low on action, Japanese movies just left me unsatisfied. Until I saw “Versus,” which will hopefully act like an opening shot for Japanese movies of the future: it has everything Japanese movies typically lack, and it’s everything Crazy Thunder Road should’ve been. But this review isn’t about “Versus,” so if you want my thoughts on that one, check out the review.

First of all, this movie is ultra low-budget. Not low-budget in a good, “Mad Max” kind of way, but low-budget in an amateurish, “Manos: Hand of Fate” (of “Mystery Science Theater 3000″ infamy) kind of way. Herky-jerky direction, cheesily-overdubbed dialog, and occasionally-bland acting. The writing’s helter-skelter, too. Only the English subtitles look professional, but they’re funny in that they primarily use British slang. For example, main character Jin (possibly the most unlikeable lead character since that punk in the Ô90s “Dennis the Menace” movie) at one point calls his foes a “bunch of tossers.” But back to the low budget. The ending features what’s supposed to be a climactic showdown between Jin and his oppressors. It features Jin in what looks like a Power Rangers suit made of leather (with humongous, football-type shoulder pads) blowing things apart with a rocket launcher. Meanwhile, all he’s really shooting are flares. Seriously. There aren’t even any explosions, just a lot of smoke. Plus, when people shoot guns, not even the barest of a spark comes out of the barrel. I know this is coming off as picky, but I was wondering, why bother? If you can’t afford to film a huge, rocket-launching conclusion, then film another damn type of ending. As it is, I’ve seen more realistic depictions of action in “The A-Team.”

But that’s just the ending. To get there, you have to sit through multiple scenes of leather-clad motorcycle punks talking about how bad things are, what with the unionization of biker gangs and all. They’ll talk about it a bit, then talk about it some more. Then they’ll drive around for a while, then they’ll talk some more. There’s even an atrocious scene in which Ken and his girlfriend relate their feelings for one another in a musical montage. As if we’re suddenly watching “Grease.” Of course, there’s also the traditional scene of torture that Japanese filmgoers apparently demand: Jin’s best friend (and possible lover, though it’s never directly stated) gets caught by rival bikers and beaten to a bloody death.

Jin attempts to take revenge for his friend’s death, and gets beaten badly in the process. He’s saved by the appearance of the “Ultra-Righters,” former bikers who’ve gone on to become Japanese Nazis. They take in Jin and his three surviving friends and proceed to reprogram the hell out of them. Soon enough Jin’s wearing a military uniform and passing out leaflets on the streets. But after a confrontation with a group of his former, biker enemies, Jin realizes that the military life isn’t for him. He bails out, much to the dismay of the apparently-gay leader of the Ultra-Righters, and takes back to his motorcycle. Not even five minutes back out on the street, and Jin’s attacked by his former adversaries, who chop off his arm with a chainsaw (this isn’t shown, just implied.) After recuperating in the hospital, Jin limps back to his bike, wearing (hilariously), a cast that covers his entire arm. I mean, if his arm was chopped off, why does he need a full cast? They could’ve at least tied the actor’s arm to his side, and hidden it under his shirt, or something.

Jin comes across a prepubescent brat who works for an old gun dealer. This is the guy who supplies Jin with a rocket launcher and the Kamen Rider meets Mad Max outfit (which isn’t as cool as it sounds). Jin of course unleashes merciless revenge upon both the Ultra-Righters and the bikers, taking at least a dozen bullets in the process. I’m guessing Jin’s outfit is bullet-proof, as these bullets unfortunately don’t kill him. Instead, he staggers away from the carnage, hops on his bike, and drives off “El Cid” style into the sunset, mercifully ending the movie. At least it wasn’t too long.

Joe909′s Rating: 4/10

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Kamui Gaiden (2009) Review aka Kamui The Lone Ninja

"Kamui Gaiden" Japanese Theatrical Poster

"Kamui Gaiden" Japanese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Kamui, Kamui The Lone Ninja
Director: Yoichi Sai
Writers: Sampei Shirato (manga), Kankuro Kudo Yoichi Sai
Cast: Ken ichi Matsuyama, Koyuki Koyuki, Kaoru Kobayashi, Koichi Sato, Hideaki Ito
Running Time: 120 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

“Kamui Gaiden” is the story of a Kamui (Ken’ichi Matsuyama), an ex-evil ninja who turns his back on his evil ways to pursue a peaceful lifestyle. However, everywhere he goes, he is followed and attacked by his former ninja clan, who now consider him a traitor.

“Kamui Gaiden” (not to be confused with “The Dagger of Kamui,” a novel/anime that explores similar themes) is based on the popular manga “The Legend of Kamui,” but don’t let that fool you into thinking you’re walking into a happy-go-lucky, bubblegum tale. Sure, it has its cutesy moments, but mark my word – this flick is bloody, brutal, and surprisingly, downbeat.

The martial arts choreography is swift, simple and easy on the eye. As expected in a ‘ninja’ film, there a bit of jumping and flying around, but it never gets completely out of hand. The cgi effects, which are spotty, somehow work. I enjoyed the brief descriptions of Kamui’s specialized attack moves, which are reminiscent to reading about what a video game character can do.

Not all the action consists of blades flying, dicing and slicing; there’s a brief moment where are Kamui takes on killer sharks, which seems a bit out of place (I’m not sure if this is a scene taken from the manga).

Whether it’s Korean, Chinese or Japanese, I’m not the biggest fan of these newer swordplay/fantasy/period/martial arts movies. These types of films bore me to death. Call me an old geezer, but I’ll take some 1960/1970’s Shaw Brothers shit before the majority of this new stuff any day.

“Kamui Gaiden” is an exception. Together with a brief Manga-style intro, and an opening action sequence (think George Miller’s “Road Warrior,” only without the cars), “Kamui” grabbed my attention instantly. There are some slow-moving, talky instances, but for the most part, the film is never boring.

See if you can spot Hong Kong star Ekin Cheng (“Young and Dangerous”), who has an extended cameo in the film (even in Japan we can’t get away from this guy).

Recommended.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 7/10

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Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth (1976) Review

"Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth" US Theatrical Poster

"Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth" US Theatrical Poster

AKA: Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth, Bruce Lee – True Story
Director: Ng See Yuen
Cast: Bruce Li (aka Ho Chung Tao, James Ho), Unicorn Chan, Chu Chi-Ling, Fung Ging-Man, Alan Chui Chung-San, Lynda Hirst
Running Time: 85/90 min.

By Joseph Kuby

Fun Filler!

Like The Dragon Lives (a.k.a. He’s A Legend, He’s A Hero), Bruce Lee: The Man, The Myth (a.k.a. Bruce Lee: The True Story) shouldn’t be taken too seriously.

The film practically steers away from his life as a father and husband, so whilst Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story would win out in that regard (as well as being, cinematically, the superior film) the latter is just simply an expensive version of the Bruceploitation movies made in a bygone age (as Bruce Thomas {member of Elvis Costello’s band} rightfully so pointed out and argued in his book Bruce Lee: Fighting Spirit).

It provides good hokey comedy value and whilst the film isn’t a comedy laughathon riot like Dragon Lives, it still has its fair share of comic moments like the old caucasian man Bruce meets at the car wash and the scenes where we see Bruce working out in resembles a laboratory than an exercise facility and his training room (which is certainly nothing like Bruce had ever worked out in…and at one point it even resembles a medieval weaponary chamber/S&M-esque room)!

Whilst there is some basis in reality in that Bruce had done weight training, jogged and did electro-shock therapy; I doubt Bruce performed a contemporary/post-modern version of the training Jimmy Wang Yu’s character anticipated in for the film The Chinese Boxer i.e. dipping your hands onto a hot substance (in Jimmy’s case, it’s iron and in Bruce’s case it’s some kind of stereotypical foaming-at-the-seams laboratory chemical basin).

What did it for me (humour wise) was when it depicts Lee punching into these increasingly smaller holes in a giant mechanical device that beeps and lights up these varied coloured bulbs as it registers the force of his hits – it foreshadows a similar scene in Dragon Lives.

Come to think of it, the only scene that’s portrayed with the most accuracy is Bruce’s death scene as Betty Ting Pei, Raymond Chow and her respective doctor try to wake up Bruce before calling an ambulance to take him to the Queen Elizabeth hospital.

With all the moments of inaccuracy and conjecture that drown the film, it’s a wonder that they even bothered to find out that Bruce had been selling his script of The Silent Flute to Hollywood film moguls.

Astonishingly, they were even spot on with the original idea for Game Of Death where Bruce was to fight 7 martial arts champs! (check out the features section on this site to read the Bob Wall interview for more information)

The dubbing was very different than all the usual Kung Fu movies because the recording sessions were done in America. In some ways this film is similar to ‘Exit The Dragon, Enter The Tiger’ in that not only is the dubbing more unique & better but the soundtrack is composed with more originality than usual and with better choice of tracks (again, one cue from a 007 flick), though it frankly doesn’t compare to the brilliant soundtrack that permeated James Ho’s other flick. However, the war cries used for both Bruce and his assailants is laughable and in some occasions badly synched. Other similarities are the high production values as the film was shot in Seattle, San Francisco, Long Beach, Bangkok, Hong Kong and Rome (they actually did location shooting in the colosseum). Of further note is the feel of a Western feature as there are lots of caucasian actors and it’s pretty clear that a lot of the dialogue scenes were originally shot in English.

Of course, it’s the fight scenes which sell the picture as they are neatly choreographed with a very tight feel to them with little sense of rehearsal (something which reflects Bruce Lee’s philosophy of realistic fights not being rehearsed routines) thus the fight scenes have a natural feel to them.

As you can imagine from the geographical scope of the story, there’s a welcome mixture of styles such as Karate, Thai boxing, traditional Kung Fu and Bruce Lee’s Jeet Kune Do (the stylized version anyway).

Speaking of scope, the film has a pool of talented faces and we even get cameos from people who appeared in Bruce Lee’s Big Boss and Way Of The Dragon. Just to list a few examples: Billy Chong co-star Carl Scott can be seen as one of Bruce’s students in the American section of the film. Alan Hsu (villain in Wong Jing’s Last Hero In China and senior of the protagonists’ Kung Fu school in the Joseph Kuo/Yuen Woo Ping collaborative effort ‘Born Invincible’) has a cameo along with Jackie Chan’s best friend Mars (who can be seen in Dragon Lord) and I think even Lo Wei as himself during the shooting of The Big Boss.

Directorially, the film has its moments such as when Bruce thinks back to a conversation with a Hollywood executive producer as he’s in a dark room at night time where the whole screen darkens & lightens before and after the flashback. Another nice touch was a juxtaposition sequence prior to this challenge match where Bruce’s challenger is being told how to fight Bruce by his cohort while Bruce is telling his assistant about the very last fight scene which needs filming.

Conclusively, there’s one scene towards the very end of the film which gestures to how Bruce could have died as it alludes to the mere notion that he had been ambushed by street thugs armed with machetes. The way the scene is filmed half-way through the slaughter seems to have been lifted from a Shaw Bros. movie directed by Chang Cheh as the whole screen turns red, the quality of the print is shiny and it’s played in slow motion with a wise choice of camera angles to accentuate what is an otherwise grisly and somewhat tacked-on scene.

My personal disappointment with this release of the film (UK DVD) is the quality of the film print (which is one of the worst I’ve experienced DVD wise though there are worse prints out there e.g. prints where the image is completely damaged {numbers, cigar burns, scratches} and where colours are hardly existant and all you see is one hue of a particular colour plastered all over the screen making everything seem single-coloured and rather monotone).

To rub salt onto old wounds, there’s even a nunchaku scene which has been trimmed (ironically when the film details Bruce’s making of Way Of The Dragon, ironic because just like in the original UK version of Bruce Lee’s classic movie, as soon as James Ho takes off his jacket we immediately cut to what happens after the nunchaku encounter). It’s kind of a shame really as the concept of the fight scene seemed ace: Bruce utilizing a nunchaku to counteract the mace of a Karateka.

Missed opportunity on behalf of the filmmakers to add some depth to the film if they took the film more seriously (i.e. make it as credible as it is incredible), but still a fun effort that should please Bruce Lee fans and chop-socky aficionados who don’t seem to mind watching films where a star is exploited for the gain of big bucks and shallow entertainment – though having said that there’s much better in that regard (especially within the realm of Bruceploitation fare…or really farce)!

UK fans beware, the UK DVD entitled Bruce Lee: True Story is not the same as the American disc as not only are the special features related to the film absent, but it’s not even the same film (it’s Bruce Lee’s Secret which is also available in the UK as The Bruce Lee Story and will be released on a new disc entitled Bruce Lee’s Secret) despite featuring the same cover art and even stills from this film (e.g. the electro-shock therapy bit).

Josephy Kuby’s Rating: 7/10


By Numskull

OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS!!!

Check this out… I’ve just learned all about my new idol Bruce Lee (sorry Mr. Spock, you’ve been replaced!) from this badass movie, BRUCE LEE: THE MAN, THE MYTH. I’m telling you, it’s DA BOMB!!!

Bruce Lee is from a place called “Hong Kong.” You with me so far? And he practices… nay, EMBODIES the awesome art of KUNG FU!!! What is kung fu, you ask? Well basically it’s used to beat up bad guys by hitting them hard and fast… even more hard and fast than the X-Men when their sense of teamwork is at an all time high! There are other kinds of fighting out there like “karate” from Japan (home of Voltron!) and “thai boxing” from a place called Siam, but KUNG FU beats them all! Wherever Bruce goes, people who study these weenie fighting styles challenge him to prove that their style is the best but Bruce beats them all without breaking a sweat! It’s even more one sided than if Superman fought Batman without all of his stupid gadgets he uses since he doesn’t have super powers. The other really cool thing about Kung Fu is that it’s also the name of a totally rad Nintendo game I have where you control a guy named Thomas. He can punch AND kick AND jump! I’m not past the first level yet (that guy with the stick is really hard!), but Bruce never gives up so neither will I!

Anyway back to the movie. Bruce goes to Seattle for his education and he teaches some of his fellow students some kung fu, and since he’s such a sport, he does it for FREE, and pumps gas to earn money! After college he gets a sidekick named Butchie. Well I guess every great role model needs a sidekick. The Lone Ranger has Tonto, Snoopy has Woodstock, and even after Superman beats him up Batman will still have Robin with his sexy green underwear. Bruce wins a fighting tournament in Long Beach in a building where everything is orange, and he develops a super powerful form of kung fu called jeet kune do, and he gets married and has two children, and he makes his own movies, and he fight bullies who pick on the little guy wherever he goes, most notably a fat old white guy who is going bald! And he proves that he’s the real deal when he says one of the greatest movie lines of all time: “I’m not doing the talking here, kung fu is!” WOAH! Move over, Dirty Harry!

The fights in this movie are unbelievable! I’ve never seen anyone move so fast…. not even me, when I got chased out of the girls’ bathroom! Right punch! Left punch! Jump kick! TAKE THAT! HIIIIIIYYYYAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! Sorry I got a little carried away there! But who could blame me? This is a movie that now has a permanent home in my brand new Betamax VCR, and I am proud to have the video box displayed on my shelf. It looks so cool sitting there surrounded by my Star Wars guys; Chewie on one side and the Fett-man on the other! Yeah, baby!

I think my favorite fight scene is the one in Rome where Bruce fights three guys in the Coliseum. The Coliseum is where gladiators fight! I beat Bruce could beat Russell Crowe with both hands tied behind his back, and he could do the same to a modern day gladiator, Hulk Hogan! The Hulkster may be a true American and Hulkamania definitely rules but Bruce has the awesome power of jeet kune do on his side! Anyway Bruce fights these guys and when it becomes obvious that they are no match for him their boss throws one of them a light mace. Well that’s no good! Doesn’t he know that a light mace only does 1d6 damage, plus or minus the user’s Strength modifier? I bet not even a Fireball cast by a level 20 wizard could kill Bruce. He’s just that damn good! So in response to the mace Bruce pulls out these two sticks connected by a chain and wields them with incredible skill! Soon he wins the fight and earns the respect of everyone watching, especially ME!!!

Now for the shocking part: the movie ends on a sad note as Bruce suddenly gets a splitting headache and DIES… or does he? According to the movie, many people believe that Bruce is living in seclusion (in spite of his tombstone… which, by the way, is RED!!!) and will make his triumphant return in 1983, ten years after his death was announced. I’m marking off the days on my Dukes of Hazzard calendar already! But in the meantime, I wonder what Bruce’s wife is up to and whether or not receiving his mighty jeet kune seed gave her jeet kune powers of her own and increased her physical performance to its full jeet kune capacity? If so I would not want to mess with her. She would beat me up even worse than the girls on the playground!

Now I know what you’re thinking! “Wait a minute…if Bruce Lee is dead or in hiding, then how did they make a movie about him?” I’m glad you asked! You see, Bruce Lee had amazing powers of foresight in addition to his phenomenal combat skills. BRUCE LEE: THE MAN, THE MYTH is pieced together from footage shot of Bruce by the cameraman who followed him everywhere while he was still around and they even made sure we could hear everything by having some other guy do his voice so it wouldn’t be obscured by the sounds of traffic and everything! I just wish that they included every single piece of footage ever shot so the movie would be 35 years long (Bruce was around from 1940 to 1973)!

In conclusion I would just like to say that this is the greatest movie ever and LONG LIVE BRUCE LEE!!!

Numskull’s Rating: 2/10


By Joe909

This was the film that marked Bruce Li’s rise from mediocrity to capable on-screen fighter. Instead of unconvincing mimicry, Li suddenly evolved into a lightning-quick martial artist. The irony is that this is an outright Bruce Lee biopic, instead of the usual run of the mill, early Bruce Li movie, where he just pretends to be Bruce Lee but fights like a drunk clown.

The reason behind Li’s advanced style is due to the fact that he trained like a demon for this role, practicing jeet kune do from morning to night. Bruce Li toiled as hard as a Mexican day worker for his movies. Nowhere is that more apparent than in his sudden excellence in on-screen combat. Just watch “The New Game of Death,” from 1975, and then watch this, a movie released two years later, but probably filmed in 1976. It’s like night and day.

Of course, this being a Bruceploitation flick, you’re treated to a large number of fights. More than can easily be digested in one sitting. Bruce fights muggers, Japanese opponents, Mafia thugs, irate kickboxers, cocky extras, and even a metal wall with flashing lights. “Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story” has been dragged through the mud over the past few years, but it’s still a more realistic depiction of Bruce Lee’s life than this. “Dragon” just overdoes the PC element with its portrayal of a jilted Bruce struggling against racism, whereas The Man, The Myth overdoes the “greatest fighter in the world” element with Bruce fighting anyone and everyone in his path.

As a matter of fact, the producers are so intent over showing Bruce fight that they even skip over things an audience might find important, like Bruce getting married and starting a family. Literally, Bruce’s wife and kids just appear midway into the movie, without any introduction. As a side note, the actress playing Bruce’s wife is a dead ringer for the real Linda Lee Caldwell.

An interesting thing about this movie is that it features several familiar faces from past Bruce Lee movies. There are a few actors and extras from “The Big Boss,” a fat thug from “Way of the Dragon” shows up as an English Army sergeant (who of course challenges Bruce), and most notably, Unicorn Chan (Jimmy in “Way of the Dragon”) shows up as himself.

I’ve always wondered about this. Unicorn Chan was one of Bruce Lee’s oldest friends. They had a falling out in late 1972, when Unicorn starred in a movie called “Fist of Unicorn.” The reason for the falling out: Bruce agreed to do choreography for the film. But, unknown to him, Unicorn and the director filmed everything Bruce did, and then, without his approval, injected this behind-the-scenes footage into “Fist of Unicorn.” Bruce was outraged and betrayed, and never spoke to Unicorn again. He was even in the process of pressing charges when he died. So I’ve always wondered if Unicorn’s appearing in this biopic (and, should I mention, Unicorn himself was soon to die, in a car crash a year later) was maybe his way of paying a debt to the real Bruce Lee. Or hell, maybe he was just making another buck off of exploiting his dead friend.

Another interesting note is that for one scene near the end of the flick, a different dubber takes over Bruce’s voice. Maybe the US/British prints got jumbled or something. I have the US-dubbed version, and throughout Bruce sounds like some 1970s Chicano from New York. He really does. But then, in the scene where he meets Betty Pei at her apartment, Bruce is suddenly dubbed by one of those Shaw Brothers voice actors. It’s pretty weird, and I wonder if this is in every US version. Maybe the US producers forgot to dub this scene.

Probably my favorite part of the movie is the end. “There was much mystery surrounding Bruce Lee’s death,” announces the narrator, “and many legends arose over how he might have died.” This leads you to believe that the producers are about to shun these ideas. But no, because right after that the narrator says “Here are a few of those myths.” So we’re treated to a variety of scenes of how Bruce might have “really” died.

In one, he’s murdered by thugs who chop him up with knives. In another, he’s killed in an ambush. But in the best of all, the last one, Bruce doesn’t die, but instead goes off into seclusion, where he will live alone until 1984, at which point he will return to the world. Why? Because a Chinese mystic tells him that the whole world must think he is dead, even his wife and children. And only after ten years has past may Bruce safely walk in public again. Never mind that Bruce died in 1973, so ten years later would’ve been 1983, not ’84. Dates and numbers weren’t much on the producers’s minds; they even say that Bruce was 36 when he died, when we all know he was only 33.

All in all, this is more of a chop-sockey than a serious Bruce Lee biopic, so don’t let the revisionists fool you. “Dragon” is still the superior film.

Joe909′s Rating: 7/10

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Machete (2010) Review

"Machete" US Theatrical Poster

"Machete" US Theatrical Poster

AKA: Grindhouse, Machete
Director: Robert Rodriguez, Ethan Maniquis (Fake Trailers: Quentin Tarantino, Ethan Maniquis)
Writer: Robert Rodriguez, Alvaro Rodriguez
Cast: Danny Trejo, Steven Seagal, Michelle Rodriguez, Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan, Don Johnson, Jessica Alba, Robert De Niro
Running Time: 105 min.

By Ningen

Danny Trejo plays the titular character, an ex-Mexican cop-turned-migrant worker who gets caught up in a conspiracy between some rich guy and the drug dealer by the name of Torrez (Steven Seagal) who killed his family. With the help of a freedom fighter/illegal alien enabler named Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) and an American immigration agent named Sartana, he plans to take down the whole operation. Along the way, he has to deal with a xenophobic Senator played by Robert DeNiro and a local militia movement.

So the good news is we finally get an R-rated movie which doesn’t flinch from the violence, but which doesn’t get off on it, either. The lead doesn’t look like a squeaky-clean teenager or 20-something who relies on bullet-time every other shot to get his/her point across. I don’t have to listen to boring conversations about the personal lives of the supporting female characters, either. And you won’t get short-changed on the nudity, as long as you don’t expect it to be from any actual celebrities in the film.

The bad news is this flick ends up being talkier than necessary. Yeah, cashing in on the controversy in AZ makes sense, but that doesn’t mean I want to hear people debate about the issue. Just keep it simple and allude to it, like that recent trailer for Machete. And Seagal apparently wants to out-do Will Sasso’s parody of him [Just look for "MADTV Seagal" on Youtube if you don't get it already.], since he comes off as a super-brute, rather than a real threat. In addition he just sits behind a monitor most of the time practicing for a stage version of the DePalma Scarface.

And Rodriguez really goes overboard on the extras. The film should be about one-on-one fights, and I generally either get re-enactments of John Woo shoot-outs or the low-rider answer to Braveheart. You do get plenty of knife-fight porn, though, but I wish there wasn’t so much quick cutting of it.

I have no problem with most of the female talent, however, even though Lohan seems like she hasn’t detoxed yet when she appropriately plays the rich guy’s fallen daughter. Still, I usually get more irritated when Alba thinks she’s above her usual school of softcore porn-style acting, and once again-besides in Sin City-RR managed to make her likeable and more down to earth. As someone who is caught between her American and Mexican backgrounds, and she’s not able to easily make quick decisions like everyone else. Michelle Rodriguez could have had more action scenes in her place, though, since I could buy her being able to kick ass more than Alba.

The quips and b-movie mannerisms of the characters in general are pretty catchy, but not quite loose enough. The actors take the material a little too seriously at times, when they should be able to have fun with the lines. But then, as I noted earlier, they’re held back by the direction where they’re forced to focus too much on the issues, and not enough on the setting. And yeah, even the ending is dragged out longer than necessary with a pointless DeNiro sub-plot. Still, Machete’s enjoyable for what it is, and I hope, if that alleged sequel happens, it’ll be a smoother ride.

Ningen’s Rating: Nudity: 8/10; Comedy: 8/10; Action and Pacing: 6.5/10; Overall: 7.5/10

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