"The Killer Meteors" Chinese VCD Cover
Director: Lo Wei
Writer: Gu Long
Producer: Hsu Li Hwa
Cast: Jackie Chan, Jimmy Wang Yu, Philip Ko Fei, Lee Man Tai, Chan Wai Lau, Man Man, Ma Kei, Tung Lam, Sit Hon, Lily Lan Yu Li, Chan Sam Lam, Ching Kuo Chung, Lee Si Si, Luk Yat Lung, Ma Cheung, Ng Ho, Shih Ting Ken, Weng Hsiao Hu, Wong Yeuk Ping, Woo Hon Cheung, Woo Wai, Yu Ling Lung
Running Time: 91 min.
By Numskull
Easily one of the five worst movies that JC has appeared in, and what a surprise that the Anti-Christ himself, Jimmy Wang Fuck Yu, is involved. Granted, he wasn’t yet the benevolent, sanctuary-granting angel that he was when ISLAND OF FIRE was made, but still, the mere sight of this man on-screen is enough to send waves of negative psychic energy from the TV screen and into your living room. It won’t do anything as bland and trite as levitate your bed or bang your pots and pans…oh no, it will give your pets rabies, drive pre-adolescent children mad with horrific hallucinations, and generally fuck your shit up. You have been warned. Anyway, here are…
TEN THINGS I WOULD ALMOST RATHER DO THAN WATCH “KILLER METEORS”
1. Parade through Harlem with a Nazi flag
2. Watch a porno movie with Roseann performing sordid sexual acts upon a helpless killer whale
3. Trade places with the guy who gets trapped in the room with the poison gas in the beginning of “THE ROCK”
4. Be buried chin-deep in bloody stool and then go for a swim in shark-infested waters
5. Implant my consciousness into the body of a hamster being presented to Richard Gere 6. Hire a blind acupuncture therapist to neutralize a pain in my scrotum
7. Sodomize a llama
8. Undergo two decades of martial arts training and then leave my career in the hands of Robert Clouse
9. Watch “FANTASY MISSION FARCE”
10. Get anally raped by Jimmy Wang Yu
P.S. Sodomy is funny (^_^)
Numskull’s Rating: 1/10
By Amir
Pure crap thanks to the no good fight scenes and the excruciatingly boring plot line. Interesting only to see how far Jimmy Wang Yu’s career fell in the late 1970s.
Amir’s Rating: 0/10
By Marcia Franklin
I want my money back.
Marcia Franklin’s Raring: 1/10
By Shazbot!
This film is not as awful as people make it out to be. It is just BORING! The role is a departure in a way for JC, and not because he is villain. Gone is the shaggy hair scruffy punk persona of the Lo Wei period, playing an (ir)responsible adult and leader. A low key dramatic strong supporting role for JC. Jimmy Wang Yu and JC have a remarkable resemblance; so much so I kept confusing the two (Wang Yu is older and doesn’t have his eyelids cut).
Despite JC’s fighting prowess, there is a lot of wire use. The final action scene is unique as it takes place balancing on top of numerous stakes surrounded by swords. To fall would mean sudden death! Unique but not exciting. Bottom line, if I wasn’t reading a book and ignoring the middle part of the movie, I would’ve nodded off. But it’s not awful like Fantasy Mission Force awful, where you’re screaming “What the F**K!” in every new scene.
Shazbot!’s Rating: 2/10
By Rintor
I think a better title for this movie would be “Killer Flatulence” or maybe “Killer Fecal”. This movie stunk bad. I give it my Black Hole Award, because it just sucks. This movie made me want to buy an assault rifle, hunt down Jimmy Wang Yu, and kill his meteor. What really sucked was Jackie played the bad guy. Through the entire movie I hoped that maybe just maybe the Killer Fecal weapon would be really cool, but NOOO! It was just some damn stick that shot fireworks. My god, the sparkler being waved around on Spiritual Kung Fu was more high tech. I’ll join Numskull in that Harlem parade just so I don’t ever have to see this movie again. Hmm, on second thought I’ll help Numskull kill Jimmy Wang Yu.
Rintor’s Rating: 1/10
By Dusty
This movie was pretty weak. Jackie is only in the movie a little bit. He has a 10 minute scene in the beginning and a fight to the death scene at the end in which he gets struck down by a meteor, I think. I haven’t seen this movie for a while. Jackie was cool to see as a villain, but he’s just not in the movie enough.
Dusty’s Rating: 3/10
